Parents of "biters"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of a former biter here. I agree that it will most likely stop on its own. Mine is now 10 and I still am not sure what the cause of the biting was (he also never did it at home) but to this day, he still puts things in his mouth when he's not supposed to (the TV remote, for example). Mine never really bit when he was mad so I think it was more of a sensory issue in his case. In fact, we had to eventually take pacifiers away from him completely because he would bite them to the point where the tip was just hanging off and they became a choking hazard.

I wouldn't switch centers as I think it will wane off by the time you find a new place and I don't think the center is the issue. What worked for us is I got in his face and yelled very sternly that he is not to bite. Maybe not the best approach but it stopped after that. I tried to do the rewards and they sent him home several times (they never threatened to kick him out, even thought it said so in the "rules") but until I took the opposite approach and just let him have it, nothing else worked.

Did you do this immediately after a biting incident? Or later when he got home? I'm not above yelling once in a while if it's truly a severe issue (and I'd consider this severe) but same concern as above PP mentioned with bribing -- too big of a time disconnect between incident and consequence.

[Anonymous]

Developmentally normal, especially when they aren’t quite verbal yet. Saying “we only bite food, not people” can help. Also briefly disengaging if she bites you “ow, that hurts. I’m going to put you down now because you bit me.” Consistency and then it’ll click. This is such a common issue. My kid was mostly being bitten and we know who the biter was. We hold no ill will. Just make sure you show the daycare that you are working on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD (2y) has had on/off biting issues at daycare since 18 months. She is an only child. She does not bite at home or in front of us (at playgrounds, playdates, etc.) -- only at school.

We are very attached to her daycare (a large center) and her teachers but they seem slightly overwhelmed/understaffed.

I am concerned she will get kicked out. We are trying our best (both parents and teachers) to correct this behavior but it seems like two steps forward, one step back. We just weaned her from the paci, which was the daycare's Band-Aid fix for her biting (which she would do more often while teething). We are trying:

-teething necklace
-rewards/bribes (favorite snack after school if she doesn't bite)
-redirection/keeping her hands busy
-teaching about sharing (she sometimes bites when another kid grabs a toy she wants)
-having a lovie at school

I know everyone thinks their own child is an angel, but DD is truly a sweet, empathetic child who has always been easygoing and calm. There are occasional toddler tantrums/meltdowns at home, but she is not a mean or aggressive child. She comforts crying children and even adults when they are sad.

My discipline approach: I am a firm but gentle parent who likes consistent, simple redirecting for undesirable toddler behavior.

My question: what is my best option here? "Quit" before she's fired? It is such a fraught emotional topic thinking of switching caregivers, but it is becoming a source of major stress for us and frankly she learned the behavior in that environment. A one-on-one nanny is out of budget for us (as are most lower-ratio centers, tbh) but can anyone recommend centers (or in-homes) that worked wonders for their biting toddler?

We are in Alexandria (City).

What is prompting the biting? Are there very specific things that happen before she bites?

Two situations: Another child has the toy she wants (or tries to grab it from her), or she lays down with another child during naptime to cuddle and they push her away because they want space. (We have also been trying to teach her to "give space" to people.)

These are all supervision issues. Some toddlers push. Some toddlers bite. Some toddlers hit. Sharing is NOT rational to kids. It also isnt an exact science/rule. Sometimes its taking turns but who decides when the turn is up. Waiting to use something is hard and she doesnt have the vocab/development to say "I was using the lion. Please give it back. You can use it when I am done." thats why ADULTS need to be there.

Jane no biting Ashton. I can see that you want to play with the lion. Ashton is playing with the lion. When he is done, you can have turn. In the meantime, would you like to make a lion face with me or find a giraffe to play with?".

Its a learning curve. Biting is her response.

[Anonymous]

Daycare worker here-
It’s strange that they’re letting her get off her mat and go cuddle with another child. She should not be allowed off her mat at all.

As for playtime biting she may have to shadow one of the employees for the next couple of weeks. She needs to be right by their side all the time so that when she wants to have a reaction they are they are to immediately redirect her. This is how we deal with fighters and it’s affective and gets them through the phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daycare worker here-
It’s strange that they’re letting her get off her mat and go cuddle with another child. She should not be allowed off her mat at all.

As for playtime biting she may have to shadow one of the employees for the next couple of weeks. She needs to be right by their side all the time so that when she wants to have a reaction they are they are to immediately redirect her. This is how we deal with fighters and it’s affective and gets them through the phase.

Helpful perspective -- thanks. I have a hunch they sort of laughed off the cuddling initially because it was cute but then obviously became problematic with the biting! It is a very recent behavior from what I understand. I will suggest that they make sure she stays in her space.

Also think shadowing would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Preschool/k teacher here. There should be a teacher shadowing her at all times. The only way to correct the behavior is to stop it before it happens. When you see a child prepare to bite, you immediately intervene to protect the other child. And you provide immediate feedback to the biter - Sternly and with a slightly raised voice. “Teeth are for food. We do not bite our friends!”

During nap time, her cot should be right under the teacher. There is no excuse for allowing her off her cot knowing she is a biter.

[Anonymous]

Anyone in the room have ECE training?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone in the room have ECE training?

Her lead teacher has a bachelor's in Early Childhood Ed, if that's what you're referring to

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks to everyone who replied so far, especially the experts!

Seems like closer supervision is the key. It makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might be a supervision issue.

No teething necklace in the daycare setting! If they permit them, then leave.

Lovie at school creates issues. When just the daycare toys, they the toys are for everyone to share. A lovie out during free time creates a "MINE!" issue and something to be extra territorial about.

Bribes after school are too disconnected from the event from the day for her to make a connection to and learn from.

It environment may not be the right fir for her.

Teach her to yell "NO!" or teach her to ROAR when frustrated. This provides a loud heads up for the providers to get to her quick before she bites.

As she has a known concern of biting they really should have her within arms reach the majority of the time.

The bolded is very smart, and I agree, I would love for them to be keeping her within arm's length. Solid points here.

I thought the same about the bribing, especially at such a young age, but every time we mention "no biting," she says the name of the snack, and her teacher reminds her during the day, so I had some hope that she was making the connection.

She's capable of understanding and knowing the connection between the biting and the bribe. What she's NOT capable of is the impulse control required in the moment to stop herself from biting. So then it becomes a cycle of failing to get the bribe - and its meaningless. You're rewarding her (on days with no biting) for not having a trigger, when its out of her control.

On the other hand, if her teachers can stay on her for a few days and teach the NO or the Roaring, then they can immediately (with a bribe you leave at school, or with a toy that is held aside for this specific purpose) reward her for using a different mechanism to voice displeasure. She still won't get it everytime - the same lack of impulse control applies! - but its a much more positive incentive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might be a supervision issue.

No teething necklace in the daycare setting! If they permit them, then leave.

Lovie at school creates issues. When just the daycare toys, they the toys are for everyone to share. A lovie out during free time creates a "MINE!" issue and something to be extra territorial about.

Bribes after school are too disconnected from the event from the day for her to make a connection to and learn from.

It environment may not be the right fir for her.

Teach her to yell "NO!" or teach her to ROAR when frustrated. This provides a loud heads up for the providers to get to her quick before she bites.

As she has a known concern of biting they really should have her within arms reach the majority of the time.

The bolded is very smart, and I agree, I would love for them to be keeping her within arm's length. Solid points here.

I thought the same about the bribing, especially at such a young age, but every time we mention "no biting," she says the name of the snack, and her teacher reminds her during the day, so I had some hope that she was making the connection.

She's capable of understanding and knowing the connection between the biting and the bribe. What she's NOT capable of is the impulse control required in the moment to stop herself from biting. So then it becomes a cycle of failing to get the bribe - and its meaningless. You're rewarding her (on days with no biting) for not having a trigger, when its out of her control.

On the other hand, if her teachers can stay on her for a few days and teach the NO or the Roaring, then they can immediately (with a bribe you leave at school, or with a toy that is held aside for this specific purpose) reward her for using a different mechanism to voice displeasure. She still won't get it everytime - the same lack of impulse control applies! - but its a much more positive incentive.

Really interesting idea, thank you!

[Anonymous]

I am surprised DD wasn't booted already, it's serious. Did they call you to take her home when she bit? If so she could be biting because she wants you to come get her from daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised DD wasn't booted already, it's serious. Did they call you to take her home when she bit? If so she could be biting because she wants you to come get her from daycare.

No, they keep her there and have us sign an incident report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks to everyone who replied so far, especially the experts!

Seems like closer supervision is the key. It makes sense.

Yes she needs to be on them like gum on their shoes. She needs to be next to them 100% of the time. This too will pass!

[Anonymous]

Yes - daycare owner. Biting is a normal impulse for a small child. Repeat biters are the facility's problem to solve, not the parent who can only do so much many hours removed from the incidents.