How to move on after a stillborn at 35 weeks?

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sorry for your loss - I lost my baby at almost 27 weeks last fall. I was not one for group meetings - I know there is a mis group in kensington - through holy cross. I have found a group of people online at a website called daily strength - there are support groups for everything under the sun there but I go to the stillbirth group and have met some wonderful people there who have been through the same thing and there are many late losses.

also on this site there are postings of good books, songs and poems -- without this site I am not sure I would have made it through the darkness - I could not face groups of people to go to a support group. I took about a month off of work - I could have gone back right away but couldn't talk to people without being upset. I know there is nothing that I can say to really make you feel better but know in time things will be different -you will be able to think of your sweet angel without crying all the time and you will be able to speak to others about them.

Hugs to you

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, mama.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to add my condolences. The same thing happened to my spouse and I. Four years later, we have a healthy, brilliant three-year-old kid we love more than anything in the world.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sorry for your loss. I know it feels like it, but you are definitely not alone. I lost my baby 4 years ago at 38 weeks. Like you I had a normal pregnancy with no signs that anything was wrong until I went in for a regular OB appointment and there was no heartbeat. I still have no answers as to what went wrong.

It takes time, but it does get easier. I recommend the perinatal loss support group at Holy Cross Hospital, contact Jeanine McGrath 301-754-7030 ext. 1081 or (c) 240-481-3903 (you do not have had to delivered at HC). This group is different than the MIS group other people have recommended. My husband and I still keep in touch with people we met there 4 years ago. It really helps to have support and know others who are going through the same thing.

I have had 2 subsequent pregnancies, and while both were difficult to get through mentally, I now have a happy and healthy 3 year old and 1 year old. It took a lot of time, but things do start to get better.

Take care.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks to everyone who wrote, my heart goes out to all of you who have experienced this heart wrenching pain. Every one says time heals and from reading your posts it seems like it eventually dulls the pain. Its going on a month since I lost my baby, but I keep reliving the days leading up to the day I found out the baby was gone and my hospital stay. I keep thinking of his sweet face. I will eventually seek out a support group but right now I have put myself in a bubble avoiding all phone calls and contact with the outside world.

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OP try not to stay too isolated for too long. I think you are reaching out by posting here. if a support group seems like too much right now, maybe just a counselor or therapist to start? This is a huge loss and something that anyone in your shoes would have a hard time comprehending. Just don't want you to be too isolated for too long.

[Anonymous]

OP, the truth is this pain will never completely vanish. My grandmother still remembers losing her firstborn daughter at 15 weeks. Your love for that child will never cease, nor does it have to.

But you will learn to make peace with the pain. You are stronger than you know and you will survive this. Lean on family, your husband and child, and stay close and supportive. Try to take each day at a time, even each moment at a time. Don't think too much about the future, just live in this moment and do what you can to survive.

You will get through this. Keep telling yourself one moment at a time. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I am trying to take it each moment at a time. Losing my child for what seems like no reason is very hard to accept because babies are meant to be born and live a long healthy life but sometimes god has other plans. My new motto " Man proposes" god disposes! all my plans were meaningless. I was hoping to get back to my job after this baby was a year and my older child was in school. The due date just went by two days ago and I just felt so empty. I feel like I had put my life on hold to have this baby and now the last year was just wasted on plans that will never see the light of day. I can't decide if I should start looking for jobs or try to have another baby in the next few months. I don't know if I can go thru the pregnancy again. To be very honest I no longer know what I want or whether my decisions are any good. My family has been more than wonderful and I am leaning on them but its not easy.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so very sorry. I cannot begin to imagine how painful this must be. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Anonymous]

OP -- a fellow bereaved mom here. Your confusion about what to do with the rest of your life is completely understandable. Your loss is so recent; everything probably seems chaotic and meaningless.

I too was so angry that I had "wasted" a year with the pregnancy/birth/half of a maternity leave. I remember vividly saying to myself when my daughter died, "damn, what a waste." With time I came to realize that those months with my child were a gift; certainly not what I had envisioned, but a special time that changed my life forever (and not in a bad way either). It's also liberating at some level to realize that in the end you have very little control of your life. You do the best you can, but oftentimes, God or somebody throws a curveball.

I'd recommend doing what feels right for the here and now -- not for the future, since none of us know what the future holds.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so very sorry for your loss. We will keep you and your family and your sweet baby in our thoughts and prayers.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just wanted to let you know I am also keeping you in my thoughts.