Why is a 2yr old so much harder than a 1yo?

[Anonymous]

I also found 3 the hardest. Some of the challenging behaviors of my 3 yr old started to emerge when she was 2, but things got very real at 3. But 4 has been much better! I think all kids this age have to go through some growing pains and when it comes just depends on the kid and also, to some extent, on the parent and what your vulnerable spots are (you've got them!).

But to answer your question, OP, a 2yr old is harder than a 1yo in some universal ways. Here are some:

- Less portable. They weigh more and are better at moving around, so it's harder to strap them into a carrier or stroller or carseat and expect them to be content for any length of time. My two year old always wanted out of her stroller. And while she was a better walker/runner at 2 than at 1, she was still super slow and distractable. It just makes going out with them more challenging and time consuming.

- More opinionated. This was one that REALLY kicked in at 3 but it started at 2 for us. You just start seeing more refusal at this age. I don't want to wear that, I don't like this food, this place is boring, etc. Most 1 year olds will do whatever. They are fascinated by basic things and generally still totally in love with their parents/caregivers to a degree that allows them to just accept almost anything. Two year olds are more independent and therefore more prone to conflict. And again, this is something that can be impacted by YOUR personality. My DH has struggled much more with this aspect of parenting than I have because he is a more rigid person than I am. So when our child started asserting herself more, that was much tougher for him and has required a lot more growth and adaptation. Whereas I'm naturally conciliatory, compromising (but that means I sometimes struggle with boundary setting). See how it starts to get complicated?

- Need more stimulation. It just takes more work to entertain a 2 year old, which is also why I think this is the age that is toughest for parents regarding sticking to a "no screentime" rule if they had been before that point. We were still very limited about it, but yes, we started allowing limited screen time at this age because sometimes you just really need 20-30 minutes to do something without being asked for a snack, told your conversation is boring, asked to come play, etc.

- Potty training. Potty training. Potty training. Apparently this is easy for some folks but not us, and I know we aren't alone.

But it's also easier in some other ways. You can talk to your kid. They can do some things on their own (potty training sucks but having a fully potty trained kid is GREAT). Their personalities really start to develop and as a parent that's amazing to experience. They learn so much stuff and will amaze you with new knowledge and skills all the time. But that's parenting -- it gets harder and easier all the time, at every age. The problems morph and get tougher, but the rewards deepen and get richer.

[Anonymous]

2 year olds have their own opinions, which they often feel VERY strongly about. 1 year olds just aren’t at the same development stage. They don’t push back, express many opinions (perhaps some but I don’t remember my daughter fighting which color shirt she wore at that age), etc etc.

I think 2 is a fun age, actually. My daughter is hilarious. She says such creative things and always surprises me by how much she learns. But she certainly also feels that she is not a baby anymore, and that leads to some conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever seen an alligator do a death roll to kill its prey? That is my 2.5 year old every morning when it is time to get dressed.

Same, except we’re almost 2 and it’s overnight diapers. (ONLY overnights. We think she just hates the color.)

[Anonymous]

The reasons that 2 are harder than 1 for me are:
-Physically more demanding. My 2 year old is big, fast and strong. When she kicks or hits it hurts. When she sprints away from me towards the road I need to move fast to catch her.
-The illogical opinions / requests that when not met cause tantrums. The big one for us at the moment is related to cutting food. If we cut it "wrong" she asks us to put it back together and since that's generally not possible it causes a tantrum that results in screaming, crying, rolling on the floor and kicking from anywhere from 1 minute to 30 minutes. This happens even if you ask her how to cut the food first and then do it exactly as she says.
-The refusal to do things like get dressed, get in the car seat, etc. And because of how big and strong she is sometimes it can be quite challenging to physically compel her to do it (obviously I can but then I worry about hurting her). She can also undress herself and take off her own shoes so if she doesn't want to be dressed and I dress her she just gets undressed.

BUT the good parts are so much better too in my opinion.
She plays by herself, often for 20-30 minutes at a time. She is so funny and likes trying to make us laugh. She can sing songs and is trying to figure out how to tell jokes. She is so curious and amazed by the world around her. She has the attention span to mostly watch a movie with us. She is so proud when she accomplishes something she has been working at for a while (recently she built a tower taller than herself and used a chair to do it and her joy and smile was infectious).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reasons that 2 are harder than 1 for me are:
-Physically more demanding. My 2 year old is big, fast and strong. When she kicks or hits it hurts. When she sprints away from me towards the road I need to move fast to catch her.
-The illogical opinions / requests that when not met cause tantrums. The big one for us at the moment is related to cutting food. If we cut it "wrong" she asks us to put it back together and since that's generally not possible it causes a tantrum that results in screaming, crying, rolling on the floor and kicking from anywhere from 1 minute to 30 minutes. This happens even if you ask her how to cut the food first and then do it exactly as she says.
-The refusal to do things like get dressed, get in the car seat, etc. And because of how big and strong she is sometimes it can be quite challenging to physically compel her to do it (obviously I can but then I worry about hurting her). She can also undress herself and take off her own shoes so if she doesn't want to be dressed and I dress her she just gets undressed.

BUT the good parts are so much better too in my opinion.
She plays by herself, often for 20-30 minutes at a time. She is so funny and likes trying to make us laugh. She can sing songs and is trying to figure out how to tell jokes. She is so curious and amazed by the world around her. She has the attention span to mostly watch a movie with us. She is so proud when she accomplishes something she has been working at for a while (recently she built a tower taller than herself and used a chair to do it and her joy and smile was infectious).

My son used to do this too! He is 3.5 now and has moved on from that behavior.

[Anonymous]

Two is a breeze compared to four.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reasons that 2 are harder than 1 for me are:
-Physically more demanding. My 2 year old is big, fast and strong. When she kicks or hits it hurts. When she sprints away from me towards the road I need to move fast to catch her.
-The illogical opinions / requests that when not met cause tantrums. The big one for us at the moment is related to cutting food. If we cut it "wrong" she asks us to put it back together and since that's generally not possible it causes a tantrum that results in screaming, crying, rolling on the floor and kicking from anywhere from 1 minute to 30 minutes. This happens even if you ask her how to cut the food first and then do it exactly as she says.
-The refusal to do things like get dressed, get in the car seat, etc. And because of how big and strong she is sometimes it can be quite challenging to physically compel her to do it (obviously I can but then I worry about hurting her). She can also undress herself and take off her own shoes so if she doesn't want to be dressed and I dress her she just gets undressed.

BUT the good parts are so much better too in my opinion.
She plays by herself, often for 20-30 minutes at a time. She is so funny and likes trying to make us laugh. She can sing songs and is trying to figure out how to tell jokes. She is so curious and amazed by the world around her. She has the attention span to mostly watch a movie with us. She is so proud when she accomplishes something she has been working at for a while (recently she built a tower taller than herself and used a chair to do it and her joy and smile was infectious).

I mean, my kids never did any of these things at any age. Ymmv. It's kid-dependent, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally untrue. Three is when the horror show starts.

Haha so true. Then early four is the encore. By 4.5 to 5 most kids then start to become more fun.

[Anonymous]

Funny, (knock on wood) I’ve found my child to be much more manageable post 2.5. Play a bit more independently, they understand more and therefore listen a bit better, has some sense of personal safety, and we have fun playing and talking together. Obviously it’s still hard but not as exhausting as a frustrated 18 month old who can’t express himself verbally, and wants to spend all day being held up or climbing to reach light switches or opening and closing sliding doors.

[Anonymous]

Two is lovely! The child is potty trained and talking. You can ask where it hurts and the kid tells you. They also can say when they’re hungry and thirsty.

Minor meltdowns and tantrums with both my kids in their twos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two is a breeze compared to four.

Truth. My first DS didn't really experience the "terrible twos", but age 4 was a struggle every day.

[Anonymous]

0-15 months was absolute torture. smooth sailing for the most part since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally untrue. Three is when the horror show starts.

+1. In both my kids age 3 is where it got really hard. Lots of tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FTM here so bear w with if it’s obvious. I love my 11 month old and it’s so easy and fun everyday. All the posts about how days with 2yos are horrible are scaring me. When does this phase start and why is it hard? How is it different? Is it because they are just contrarian and more mobile?

For what it's worth, OP, I prefer the 2-year-old phase to 1-year-old. I tend to enjoy parenting more the more communicative and verbal my child gets. 2-year-olds aren't always communicating nice things, but they sure can communicate, and to me, that's something I can work with!

1. The typical "2s" behavior (think defiance, tantrums, boundary pushing, wanting to "do it herself" all the time) started for my daughter around 20 months.

2. It is hard because they learn to push your buttons! By far the hardest part of this age so far for me is being the calm adult even when she's melting down.

That being said, they start being able to understand consequences. My daughter is now able to understand rewards for good behavior, for example, even when the reward is later in the day. A lot of the really awful behavior like throwing food, we trained her out of earlier (18-20ish months). It doesn't hit all at once.

Disclaimer that as always, it kind of depends on your kid's temperament.

[Anonymous]

I loved 2. She’ll be 3 next month and there’s also a lot of 3 characteristics. One was so so hard because I felt like she wanted to do everything and I was constantly saving her life. Don’t be afraid of 2!!