How do adults make friends?

[Anonymous]

PP here - I should add - I tried and tried for many years to make new friends. I say this to you because I see your message and think - are you looking for friends to do stuff with or because you feel like like you need friends? The latter is just not as important. You have to find ways of entertaining yourself sometimes. I did wine parties, neighborhood stuff, hobbies, etc. etc. Let's just say that if you were going to find a friend, you would naturally fall into a relationship with someone you click with. It just really happens organically. If not, you either are trying/looking too hard or you want it for the wrong reasons.

I wish you good luck and hoping that y story somehow gives you some hope if you don't find your people. You can be fine on your own if need be

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made my peace a couple years ago in my late 40s that I'm not going to make many new friends moving forward. I have 2 kids. I loved my 20s and early 30s when I had a zillion friends and was a great Type A networker career girl. I'm just at a different stage in my life now. I'm an interesting person. I live a VERY uninteresting life. Because I'm married and have kids now. That's just a fact. There are very very very very very few people (who need to have a lot of money and/or career opportunities) who are able to lead an interesting life while having a family (kids less than teenage years let's say). I had a very interesting life until I got "settled" because that's what settling is - it's settling. You can't travel as much, you can't party as much, you can't just look out for yourself.

I have responsibilities, commitments and my time is not mine for sure. I love my family a lot. All this is to say is that I am a certain kind of person with certain tastes that are very different than those who maybe did not lead very interesting lives prior to being settled. I travelled extensively, hung out with famous people, lived a very different lifestyle than now. And that's OK but it's all say that I'm not gonna click with many people especially in the DC area. I tend to do better with people who choose not to live in DC because let's face it this is a town that is made up of lawyers, lobbyists and government types. It's all good but you have to know yourself. I am fine entertaining myself by movies, a very small group of parents who I can get along with because of my kids, my old friends and some work colleagues. How much time do you really have? Your world gets smaller as you get older it's a function of not just time and opportunity but because you know yourself better and when you do, you realize there's only so many people you really want to be friends with.

I have a lot of acquaintances and nobody who knows me would have thought I would write these words but it's all true. I'm best friends with my family and ultimately that's enough at this time in my life. Good luck!!

Re: your comment about DC: Many people now in DC and relatively new to DC are transients, and many of the relationships transients make might be relatively superficial and even more transactional, just because that’s all there’s time for. Although the social connections may be harder to break into, consider seeking out people with lifelong ties here if what you’re interested in is something longer lasting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made my peace a couple years ago in my late 40s that I'm not going to make many new friends moving forward. I have 2 kids. I loved my 20s and early 30s when I had a zillion friends and was a great Type A networker career girl. I'm just at a different stage in my life now. I'm an interesting person. I live a VERY uninteresting life. Because I'm married and have kids now. That's just a fact. There are very very very very very few people (who need to have a lot of money and/or career opportunities) who are able to lead an interesting life while having a family (kids less than teenage years let's say). I had a very interesting life until I got "settled" because that's what settling is - it's settling. You can't travel as much, you can't party as much, you can't just look out for yourself.

I have responsibilities, commitments and my time is not mine for sure. I love my family a lot. All this is to say is that I am a certain kind of person with certain tastes that are very different than those who maybe did not lead very interesting lives prior to being settled. I travelled extensively, hung out with famous people, lived a very different lifestyle than now. And that's OK but it's all say that I'm not gonna click with many people especially in the DC area. I tend to do better with people who choose not to live in DC because let's face it this is a town that is made up of lawyers, lobbyists and government types. It's all good but you have to know yourself. I am fine entertaining myself by movies, a very small group of parents who I can get along with because of my kids, my old friends and some work colleagues. How much time do you really have? Your world gets smaller as you get older it's a function of not just time and opportunity but because you know yourself better and when you do, you realize there's only so many people you really want to be friends with.

I have a lot of acquaintances and nobody who knows me would have thought I would write these words but it's all true. I'm best friends with my family and ultimately that's enough at this time in my life. Good luck!!

Re: your comment about DC: Many people now in DC and relatively new to DC are transients, and many of the relationships transients make might be relatively superficial and even more transactional, just because that’s all there’s time for. Although the social connections may be harder to break into, consider seeking out people with lifelong ties here if what you’re interested in is something longer lasting.

I got the impression this PP thinks she's too good for most "DC types" becausr her earlier life was sooooo interesting.

I don't think having kids makes a person less interesting. I think I have a very different definition of "interesting"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made my peace a couple years ago in my late 40s that I'm not going to make many new friends moving forward. I have 2 kids. I loved my 20s and early 30s when I had a zillion friends and was a great Type A networker career girl. I'm just at a different stage in my life now. I'm an interesting person. I live a VERY uninteresting life. Because I'm married and have kids now. That's just a fact. There are very very very very very few people (who need to have a lot of money and/or career opportunities) who are able to lead an interesting life while having a family (kids less than teenage years let's say). I had a very interesting life until I got "settled" because that's what settling is - it's settling. You can't travel as much, you can't party as much, you can't just look out for yourself.

I have responsibilities, commitments and my time is not mine for sure. I love my family a lot. All this is to say is that I am a certain kind of person with certain tastes that are very different than those who maybe did not lead very interesting lives prior to being settled. I travelled extensively, hung out with famous people, lived a very different lifestyle than now. And that's OK but it's all say that I'm not gonna click with many people especially in the DC area. I tend to do better with people who choose not to live in DC because let's face it this is a town that is made up of lawyers, lobbyists and government types. It's all good but you have to know yourself. I am fine entertaining myself by movies, a very small group of parents who I can get along with because of my kids, my old friends and some work colleagues. How much time do you really have? Your world gets smaller as you get older it's a function of not just time and opportunity but because you know yourself better and when you do, you realize there's only so many people you really want to be friends with.

I have a lot of acquaintances and nobody who knows me would have thought I would write these words but it's all true. I'm best friends with my family and ultimately that's enough at this time in my life. Good luck!!

I’m not clear on how you stopped being a interesting person just because you have family responsibilities and kid activities to attend to. Do you think partying, traveling, and proximity to famous people makes you interesting? Travel can help, for sure, but valuing the other two is negatively correlated in my experience. And no lawyers, lobbyists, or government types can be interesting? A lot of folks in these groups (especially lobbyists) are all over the partying, travel, and famous people scene.

You seem sincere, but your examples are so confusing. I’d love to hear a more thoughtful analysis of why you think you are more interesting than your friends and acquaintances in DC, whether because of your unencumbered past or otherwise.