When you see your child’s tormentors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of our kids is being tormented at school by a handful of kids. They are in 8th grade. DS is currently the smallest/shortest kid in the class. His tormentors have all hit puberty and are the size of full grown men. We are working with the school and following all of the proper channels. Luckily our paths ALMOST never cross. Except a few weeks ago when one of the kids came to church with his grandparents and sat directly behind us! It was horrible. They were late to mass so it would have been really disruptive to move seats. DS and I locked eyes and I mouthed "stay or leave" he wanted to stay. During the sign of peace when you would typically shake hands (pre covid) or great all those around you we ignored them and acted as if they were invisible. That was a long hour. I was proud of my kid for not showing any fear but damn that was just bad.

You do realize that the grandparents now think that you guys are rude uncouth dolts, right!?! I understand that you think you were snubbing them but they wouldn't realize it. I am sure they just thought you were rude and uncouth, and 'look what's brining down our school/church.' It might have been better to do the kiss of peace with them and then after mass stop to talk to them a minute. It would have given you the opportunity to address the behavior in an adult way. Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of our kids is being tormented at school by a handful of kids. They are in 8th grade. DS is currently the smallest/shortest kid in the class. His tormentors have all hit puberty and are the size of full grown men. We are working with the school and following all of the proper channels. Luckily our paths ALMOST never cross. Except a few weeks ago when one of the kids came to church with his grandparents and sat directly behind us! It was horrible. They were late to mass so it would have been really disruptive to move seats. DS and I locked eyes and I mouthed "stay or leave" he wanted to stay. During the sign of peace when you would typically shake hands (pre covid) or great all those around you we ignored them and acted as if they were invisible. That was a long hour. I was proud of my kid for not showing any fear but damn that was just bad.

I do miss this about the Catholic Church, not hypocritical, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been 2 years, but I always would say hi (at school pre-covid when I volunteered) and use their name so they know I know who they are. It wasn't the reason the bullying stopped, but it seemed important at the time.

+1 to all this. Say hello. Use their names. Mention their parents if you happen to know them.

+2 This is one of the reasons I volunteer (yes, I also work FT but have sufficient flexibility in the middle of the day to sell tickets during lunch or take tickets before an event).

[Anonymous]

I look right at the kid and say "Hi" as I stare. If he looks confused I say "I'm Larlo's mom." Then I keep staring and I keep staring. With my eyes I am saying "I know what you've done. You may think you've gotten away with it, but I will find a way to make sure you are caught in the act and learn to NEVER screw with another kid again."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been 2 years, but I always would say hi (at school pre-covid when I volunteered) and use their name so they know I know who they are. It wasn't the reason the bullying stopped, but it seemed important at the time.

+1 to all this. Say hello. Use their names. Mention their parents if you happen to know them.

+2 This is one of the reasons I volunteer (yes, I also work FT but have sufficient flexibility in the middle of the day to sell tickets during lunch or take tickets before an event).

I did this once. I actually knew the mom really well. I walked right up to her and said "Hi, Sheila!" sweetly. She looked confused. I said, "OH, I'm Kyla's mom. Yeah, guess what. I have known your mom since middle school. She grew up in the neighborhood next to ours. I know your grandparents REALLY well too!" That stopped a bully in her tracks and from then on she was lovely. I made sure i let her mom and grandparents know our kids were in school together, but never told them how awful she was. Sure enough, she was VERY and still is. She comes from a very tight knit family and would bring shame on them if they knew she was cruel.