When you see your child’s tormentors

[Anonymous]

If your child has kids who bullies them, how do you act when you see these kids out in public/in school/at practices, etc.? Do you ignore them/act like there isn’t a problem/glare at them/etc?

[Anonymous]

OP sorry your DC is experiencing bullying. It is so painful as parents to see your child suffering unnecessarily due to bullying and exclusion.

1. Ignore the bullies at my DC’s request
2. Let my DC handle them but communicate quietly with school counselor and advisor so that adults at school are aware of toxic dynamics.
3. Install anti bullying apps to monitor online bullying
4. Pray for guidance and peaceful resolution

Best wishes and virtual socially distanced hug

[Anonymous]

Oh no, I give the evil eye and stare at them until the move or look away. Death lasers.

[Anonymous]

It's been 2 years, but I always would say hi (at school pre-covid when I volunteered) and use their name so they know I know who they are. It wasn't the reason the bullying stopped, but it seemed important at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's been 2 years, but I always would say hi (at school pre-covid when I volunteered) and use their name so they know I know who they are. It wasn't the reason the bullying stopped, but it seemed important at the time.

+1 to all this. Say hello. Use their names. Mention their parents if you happen to know them.

[Anonymous]

When you see them, pull them aside and give them a 'talk' about what they are doing and ask them for their parent's phone number, just to see if they'll give it to you. It will likely scare them straight. Bullies are cowards.

[Anonymous]

Say hello and use their names, with a slightly sing-songy fake voice. They know what they did and they know that I know. And their parents know too.

[Anonymous]

I met my DC's bully in a group of adults at a school function. The parent introduced the bully kid to me and I said, I remember him (bully) from the so-and-so incident (incident in which he and others bullied my DC ). The bully's face turned red and he looked at the ground for the rest of the conversation. Never had another problem with him.

[Anonymous]

We know a kid who is kind of rough and hot headed, and we talk to him when we can. I think everyone needs positive interactions. If he resorted to hitting my kid, I'd still check in with the school, but it hasn't come to that for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you see them, pull them aside and give them a 'talk' about what they are doing and ask them for their parent's phone number, just to see if they'll give it to you. It will likely scare them straight. Bullies are cowards.

Do not do this!!

[Anonymous]

Greet them by name and ask after their parents by name. Then, politely ignore but discreetly observe their behavior.

[Anonymous]

It depends.
My DD's bully who was excluded from school for his behavior towards many kids became my DS's friend a couple of years later. The three of them hung out on several occasions and we never brought it up (we are all from Europe however, so perhaps this is a cultural thing).
Otherwise I just ignore any kid who has been shitty towards mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh no, I give the evil eye and stare at them until the move or look away. Death lasers.

So do I... I make things really uncomfortable.

I once said loud enough for a 14 year old "queen bee" to hear as she walked by me laughing:

"Since you've got a problem with my kid, I'm gonna have a much bigger problem with your mother... and believe me, she's not going to like it".

Ok, ok, I know I shouldn't have, I do... but I just couldn't help myself, this girl was a NIGHTMARE.
Shockingly it worked though, she never so much as looked in my daughter's direction again, let alone get mouthy with her.

She didn't tell on me, and if she did I would've denied it and given then the old "who are you going to believe, a 14 year old who has a reputation for being a bully, a troublemaker and a liar, or lil ol' innocent me?" blink-blink-blink-blink.

I probably wouldnt do it again... not pressing my luck, lol.

[Anonymous]

One of our kids is being tormented at school by a handful of kids. They are in 8th grade. DS is currently the smallest/shortest kid in the class. His tormentors have all hit puberty and are the size of full grown men. We are working with the school and following all of the proper channels. Luckily our paths ALMOST never cross. Except a few weeks ago when one of the kids came to church with his grandparents and sat directly behind us! It was horrible. They were late to mass so it would have been really disruptive to move seats. DS and I locked eyes and I mouthed "stay or leave" he wanted to stay. During the sign of peace when you would typically shake hands (pre covid) or great all those around you we ignored them and acted as if they were invisible. That was a long hour. I was proud of my kid for not showing any fear but damn that was just bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of our kids is being tormented at school by a handful of kids. They are in 8th grade. DS is currently the smallest/shortest kid in the class. His tormentors have all hit puberty and are the size of full grown men. We are working with the school and following all of the proper channels. Luckily our paths ALMOST never cross. Except a few weeks ago when one of the kids came to church with his grandparents and sat directly behind us! It was horrible. They were late to mass so it would have been really disruptive to move seats. DS and I locked eyes and I mouthed "stay or leave" he wanted to stay. During the sign of peace when you would typically shake hands (pre covid) or great all those around you we ignored them and acted as if they were invisible. That was a long hour. I was proud of my kid for not showing any fear but damn that was just bad.

OP here. Sometimes I think the kids are able to keep it together a lot better than adults. Kudos to your son!