I FOUND THE MOST WONDERFUL MAN BUT WORRIED

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 months. Give it much more time.

More time.

More trips together. Meet some friends.

Eventually meet the family. Check out the roles of the mom and dad. Traditional?

See how he is with various types of verbal communication. And conflict resolution. And with stress.

Prob was just busy. Like mom said: Person, Place, Timing!

[Anonymous]

I feel like my DH was like this. It was 100% timing, for him, and for me. He's a smart, handsome, well-traveled Black man. We met in mid 30s, and he had had only one other serious relationship in his life. She sounds like she was pretty amazing too- smart, pretty, from a wealthy family - but for some reason he chose an overseas position over her. Lucky me!!! I met him about 2 months after he returned to the US. Married about 7 months later. Just had our 3rd kid. I strongly believe if we had met any time earlier we never would have hit it off and committed like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 months. Give it much more time.

More time.

More trips together. Meet some friends.

Eventually meet the family. Check out the roles of the mom and dad. Traditional?

See how he is with various types of verbal communication. And conflict resolution. And with stress.

Prob was just busy. Like mom said: Person, Place, Timing!

OP here. I met all of his friends and family and vice versa. His family is very wonderful and he values their opinion.

[Anonymous]

It’s okay to expect good things to happen to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here, and maybe this is cocky, but I think I was a good catch -- well educated, good job, etc. It just hit me at some point that I wanted to settle down. Not even start a family necessarily. But I was hanging out with friends who were married, and it seemed really nice to have a partner in life like that. And it is!

So many relationships are 50% timing. I could have met my wife at 22, and I wouldn't have married her.

+1 that's my DH. He was 36 when we started dating. Timing has a lot to do with it. I said to DH that if he had met me when he was in his 20s we probably would not have gotten married.

People will get ready when they feel ready. Not everyone is ready to get married at 29 or 35.

Does he say he has no desire to be married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? What do you know about his past relationships?

OP here. He is 39. Successful, attractive, great in bed, kind, funny, loving, respectful, etc. He told me he could have married but he never felt any were the right fit for him.

A guy told me that last year at age 39. But he quickly married someone else after 7 months of dating and we had a great relationship. (however, I am divorced with kids. He thought I was perfect but his family did not approve). Two months is too soon to tell. Just enjoy it and see what happens. Maybe you are the one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? What do you know about his past relationships?

OP here. He is 39. Successful, attractive, great in bed, kind, funny, loving, respectful, etc. He told me he could have married but he never felt any were the right fit for him.

A guy told me that last year at age 39. But he quickly married someone else after 7 months of dating and we had a great relationship. (however, I am divorced with kids. He thought I was perfect but his family did not approve). Two months is too soon to tell. Just enjoy it and see what happens. Maybe you are the one.

I hope that wasn't too hard on you. If you want, you will find the right person with the right outlook for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s been 2 months. Give it much more time.

More time.

More trips together. Meet some friends.

Eventually meet the family. Check out the roles of the mom and dad. Traditional?

See how he is with various types of verbal communication. And conflict resolution. And with stress.

Prob was just busy. Like mom said: Person, Place, Timing!

Maybe OP wants a traditional relationship.

Anyway OP just get to know him and let things unfold. Don't worry about your friend.

[Anonymous]

Is it just that he hasn't been married yet OP? Or are other alarms going off?

[Anonymous]

OP's story sounds like a beginning of a thriller movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it just that he hasn't been married yet OP? Or are other alarms going off?

OP here. I’m not rushing anything. Everything is still new and we are just having fun and let things develop naturally.

I’m just more surprised he hasn’t found someone to scoop him up. I know things are all about timing. In the back of my mind I worry. I spent my last relationship with an older guy who said a lot of the same things and marriage never happened. He finally admitted he never wanted to get married and felt he needed to say that because most women didn’t want to date him when they found out he never wanted to settle down. I don’t want to waste my time if it’s too good to be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it just that he hasn't been married yet OP? Or are other alarms going off?

OP here. I’m not rushing anything. Everything is still new and we are just having fun and let things develop naturally.

I’m just more surprised he hasn’t found someone to scoop him up. I know things are all about timing. In the back of my mind I worry. I spent my last relationship with an older guy who said a lot of the same things and marriage never happened. He finally admitted he never wanted to get married and felt he needed to say that because most women didn’t want to date him when they found out he never wanted to settle down. I don’t want to waste my time if it’s too good to be true.

A guy can be waste your time when he’s 22, 32, 42, etc, there is no magic age where it can’t happen. Your ex that finally admitted he never wanted to get married but wasn’t honest about it because women didn’t want him date him …I can use lots of words to describe that behavior but at the core, he was selfish and takes the easy way out. There are women out there that don’t want to get married or not at the current point in life and while that may have limited his pool of dating options, he could have moved with honesty and either let someone with all the info, make their own decisions (maybe someone on the fence) or found someone from the start that wanted the same things as him but he chose not to.

I would not make the conclusion that because current guy is 39 and hasn’t found anyone that he is the same as ex. I would instead evaluate if current guy seems like he is selfish and takes the easy way out like my ex, does his words say one things but his actions say another like my ex. I would also look at what point in my past relationship did I notice things were off and why I brushed them aside. With the new guy, just enjoy getting to know him and if he is honest, if he is considerate/thoughtful, if he communicates and his actions matches his words, you will be okay. If you aren’t his person (I’ve been watching too much Bachelor/Bachelorette on tv), he will be honest with you when you have those discussions (many see the 2 month, six months and 1 year of dating all as as decision points of keep going or not) and if you are his person you will have a great foundation for marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here, and maybe this is cocky, but I think I was a good catch -- well educated, good job, etc. It just hit me at some point that I wanted to settle down. Not even start a family necessarily. But I was hanging out with friends who were married, and it seemed really nice to have a partner in life like that. And it is!

So many relationships are 50% timing. I could have met my wife at 22, and I wouldn't have married her.

Another guy here and this is it. He probably wasn't ready to settle down before. It's more about timing for men with options than actually finding the one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here, and maybe this is cocky, but I think I was a good catch -- well educated, good job, etc. It just hit me at some point that I wanted to settle down. Not even start a family necessarily. But I was hanging out with friends who were married, and it seemed really nice to have a partner in life like that. And it is!

So many relationships are 50% timing. I could have met my wife at 22, and I wouldn't have married her.

Another guy here and this is it. He probably wasn't ready to settle down before. It's more about timing for men with options than actually finding the one.

Wow, so women are just a commodity then, more about "well i'm ready to find someone to take care of me in my old age" than a special loving relationship?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you old too? Do you want kids? Dads who are over 40 have like a 1000x higher risk of autism and such in their kids, not to mention do you want to be caring for this middle aged man in his dotage when you are still in your prime?