I miss my ex husband that I chose to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was very disrespectful to me and drove me to tears many times. J chose to end our marriage and I was at peace with it until recently. I miss him but I am not sure why. He never put me first and I don't think he ever would but my heart is breaking the past 24 hours. I am a little resentful that he goes out with friends, ignores texts about the kids, and answers when he feels like it. I don't know if I miss him or if I am upset that he is continuing on and does not seem to be missing me at all.

There is an old song-"I'll never get over you getting oh-veher meeeeee".

I think this is the answer. You mention him going out with friends and ignoring texts. He has moved on to a child free, wife free, single in the city life. You are at home, mothering children…no single in the city for you..plus COVID! Cry it out OP, then REJOICE in shedding 200 pounds of disrespectful loser.

[Anonymous]

If you got to here, he was not for you. Cheer up. You are now 1 step closer to finding the guy who is right for you. He should make you feel amazing. He will tell you how much he likes things about you, appreciates you. Isn't that what you want for yourself? A real soul mate, friend, etc.

[Anonymous]

Be patient, and you will have your man. Don't settle this time.

[Anonymous]

I would miss my ex-wife except for one thing: she's an even worse ex-wife than she was a wife.

[Anonymous]

OP here. You are all amazing. Thank you

[Anonymous]

He sounds like the same guy as an ex that he was as a husband; a disappointment. It's ok to mourn what you wanted but didn't have. Agree with therapy, it will get better.

[Anonymous]

It's a fair guess those who've experienced Stockholm Syndrome miss their captors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the responses. I don't know what I expect from him. I guess realization but I know that won't happen.. I feel like a fool for crying.

You are grieving the fact that you were made a fool by him. You chose to have kids with a man who was not a good husband or father. You are paying the cost of reproduction which is extremely high for a woman. You have baggage, and he can walk away from his responsibility. Do you miss him? No, not even one bit. If he is struck by a lightening and dies, you will carry on just fine. What you are feeling is rage for being put in a terrible position and spoiling the wonderful life you could have had with someone else. The scumbag marred your life and the promise of you. That's what is bugging you. What you want from him is for him to be as miserable as you feel.

Ok. So now you have divorced him. Think of yourself as a WIDOW with kids. Now....go and live your life and don't care about what that loser does. The best revenge for you will be to have a fantastic life and not have more kids with anyone else. Become a woman who can attract a quality alpha man and who does not need to marry anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you miss the idea of him - but the reality was not good for you. It is normal to be sad for awhile - it's hard adjusting to a new life - but your best life is ahead of you.

This. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the responses. I don't know what I expect from him. I guess realization but I know that won't happen.. I feel like a fool for crying.

You are grieving the fact that you were made a fool by him. You chose to have kids with a man who was not a good husband or father. You are paying the cost of reproduction which is extremely high for a woman. You have baggage, and he can walk away from his responsibility. Do you miss him? No, not even one bit. If he is struck by a lightening and dies, you will carry on just fine. What you are feeling is rage for being put in a terrible position and spoiling the wonderful life you could have had with someone else. The scumbag marred your life and the promise of you. That's what is bugging you. What you want from him is for him to be as miserable as you feel.

Ok. So now you have divorced him. Think of yourself as a WIDOW with kids. Now....go and live your life and don't care about what that loser does. The best revenge for you will be to have a fantastic life and not have more kids with anyone else. Become a woman who can attract a quality alpha man and who does not need to marry anyone.

You sound very emotionally healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was very disrespectful to me and drove me to tears many times. J chose to end our marriage and I was at peace with it until recently. I miss him but I am not sure why. He never put me first and I don't think he ever would but my heart is breaking the past 24 hours. I am a little resentful that he goes out with friends, ignores texts about the kids, and answers when he feels like it. I don't know if I miss him or if I am upset that he is continuing on and does not seem to be missing me at all.

It sounds like he’s doing what he wants and he’s not responding to your texts. Is there a chance that you miss being in control of him and your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was very disrespectful to me and drove me to tears many times. J chose to end our marriage and I was at peace with it until recently. I miss him but I am not sure why. He never put me first and I don't think he ever would but my heart is breaking the past 24 hours. I am a little resentful that he goes out with friends, ignores texts about the kids, and answers when he feels like it. I don't know if I miss him or if I am upset that he is continuing on and does not seem to be missing me at all.

It sounds like he’s doing what he wants and he’s not responding to your texts. Is there a chance that you miss being in control of him and your family?

Wtf does “doing what he wants” mean for an abuser?

More likely he seeks his control and manipulation fix via toying with his kids, not following the custody order, and not responding to the mother.

Custody orders have clauses for a narcissist, abusive, or neglectful parent like this for daily communication and 24 hour response time, as well as text apps that both lawyers have access to to monitor abusive behavior and comments, as well as document being in contempt of court for not following the custody order. Do it enough and you are back in court getting a new custody arrangement or more parenting classes, anger mgmt classes, and more coparenting classes— if not already mandated during the litigation or mediation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was very disrespectful to me and drove me to tears many times. J chose to end our marriage and I was at peace with it until recently. I miss him but I am not sure why. He never put me first and I don't think he ever would but my heart is breaking the past 24 hours. I am a little resentful that he goes out with friends, ignores texts about the kids, and answers when he feels like it. I don't know if I miss him or if I am upset that he is continuing on and does not seem to be missing me at all.

He’s doesn’t care. About anything.
He’s never going to miss someone, really miss them.
It’s all about him.
He doesn’t have emotions. Just I feel good or I’m angry, who can I blame?
Of course people with no real emotions and no empathy “move on;” they were never present to begin with! They have huge rages, sleep like a baby and wake up like nothing happened. All the time.
They should work through their disorder and issues, but that’s hard. Much easier to act fake and find new fuel to make one feel better.
The cycle continues.

Get your kids in therapy so they can ID good behaviors and bad behaviors. Whatever their age, get them talk therapy with someone skilled with the profile of their father.

[Anonymous]

Uff, good riddence to bad rubbish. Rejoice that you have taken yourself and your kids out from his influence. Create a new life. Live happily and joyously. Don't take a step backwards. You have done so good in getting rid of him.

Go, put on a good movie on netflix, make some popcorn, cuddle with your kids and giggle away. You did good.

[Anonymous]

I say you are definitely not missing your ex - it’s just that when he seems to be moving on happily w/his life after treating you so terribly it is unfair.
Or so it seems.

Been there, felt that.

Your loneliness is definitely a huge factor overall w/you feeling like this, trust me.
You also could be missing what you “thought” your husband was before you realized the truth.

It is complicated but one thing is very clear to me OP.
You are not missing your ex-husband & you absolutely did the right thing my leaving him. 👍🏽