Other mom makes my kid apologize

[Anonymous]

"Hey Susan, it seems both kids need to learn how to be considerate and the frequent apology letter writing is not doing the trick. I suggest that they stop associating with each other for some time and then we slowly ease them back to playing with each other with the caveat that the playdate ends whenever the feeling of any person is hurt. "

[Anonymous]

She’s a psycho what’s the question?

You either stand up to her “Larla, I think you are being ridiculous, I complied the 1st time but your over the top”.

Or you have a psycho mom who will just get more and more weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old child and my child’s close friend both have feisty, but generally kind personalities. They love each other intensely and sometimes get into small fights. It’s usually when they are tired - totally normal in my opinion. This past weekend, after one such fight, the friend’s mom sent me a text telling me how hurt her child was and that her child would be writing my child an apology letter and she expected my child to do the same. This is the third time she’s demanded an apology from my kid.

My response in this case was that my child was also hurt by her friend’s behavior, but that we would return the apology (my kid was hurt and was objectively rude; we talked through it, I disciplined, and that was that). As a witness to these fights, I know that my kid was simply reacting to mean behavior by the friend…essentially standing up for themselves. And in two of these cases, the mom made the apology demand to my kid directly in person/in front of me. Her kid did not end up apologizing in those cases, even though the friend’s behavior was the cause of the fight.

I can’t help but be annoyed. I discipline my kid and don’t demand
on their behalf when they are wronged, but we do advocate for standing up for yourself (in a kind way). Am I being too sensitive? How should I respond next time?

When you say or do something that hurts a other person--physically or feelings--you acknowledge what you have done and apologize. The other mom has manners and is teaching them to her child whereas you have none and your son has none . As they appear to be fighting frequently, I would stop the playdates for a month. If they keep fighting after a month, then I would stop them permanently. Friends do not fight all the time so I doubt that they are really friends.

[Anonymous]

What were they fighting about? This will help us to decide if it’s kids being kids or the mother mom is nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old child and my child’s close friend both have feisty, but generally kind personalities. They love each other intensely and sometimes get into small fights. It’s usually when they are tired - totally normal in my opinion. This past weekend, after one such fight, the friend’s mom sent me a text telling me how hurt her child was and that her child would be writing my child an apology letter and she expected my child to do the same. This is the third time she’s demanded an apology from my kid.

My response in this case was that my child was also hurt by her friend’s behavior, but that we would return the apology (my kid was hurt and was objectively rude; we talked through it, I disciplined, and that was that). As a witness to these fights, I know that my kid was simply reacting to mean behavior by the friend…essentially standing up for themselves. And in two of these cases, the mom made the apology demand to my kid directly in person/in front of me. Her kid did not end up apologizing in those cases, even though the friend’s behavior was the cause of the fight.

I can’t help but be annoyed. I discipline my kid and don’t demand
on their behalf when they are wronged, but we do advocate for standing up for yourself (in a kind way). Am I being too sensitive? How should I respond next time?

When you say or do something that hurts a other person--physically or feelings--you acknowledge what you have done and apologize. The other mom has manners and is teaching them to her child whereas you have none and your son has none . As they appear to be fighting frequently, I would stop the playdates for a month. If they keep fighting after a month, then I would stop them permanently. Friends do not fight all the time so I doubt that they are really friends.

No way is my kid apologizing to a bully he stood up to him because his feelings were hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 9 year old child and my child’s close friend both have feisty, but generally kind personalities. They love each other intensely and sometimes get into small fights. It’s usually when they are tired - totally normal in my opinion. This past weekend, after one such fight, the friend’s mom sent me a text telling me how hurt her child was and that her child would be writing my child an apology letter and she expected my child to do the same. This is the third time she’s demanded an apology from my kid.

My response in this case was that my child was also hurt by her friend’s behavior, but that we would return the apology (my kid was hurt and was objectively rude; we talked through it, I disciplined, and that was that). As a witness to these fights, I know that my kid was simply reacting to mean behavior by the friend…essentially standing up for themselves. And in two of these cases, the mom made the apology demand to my kid directly in person/in front of me. Her kid did not end up apologizing in those cases, even though the friend’s behavior was the cause of the fight.

I can’t help but be annoyed. I discipline my kid and don’t demand
on their behalf when they are wronged, but we do advocate for standing up for yourself (in a kind way). Am I being too sensitive? How should I respond next time?

When you say or do something that hurts a other person--physically or feelings--you acknowledge what you have done and apologize. The other mom has manners and is teaching them to her child whereas you have none and your son has none . As they appear to be fighting frequently, I would stop the playdates for a month. If they keep fighting after a month, then I would stop them permanently. Friends do not fight all the time so I doubt that they are really friends.

We’re taking about 9 year olds here. You’re not reasonable to expect close friends will never fight.