Freshman high school DD does NOTHING

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she cute in an above average way?

Get her off the stress train that is the USA.

Send her to college in Europe perhaps guide her to build a life in the Netherlands where women are happier and only want to work part time.

Dutch women for example have no interest in working full time.

European colleges don’t care about extra curriculars.

Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is a freshman, please calm down.

I don’t know why people say this. It’s not like she could just join a bunch of stuff as a junior. It’s worth OP asking if this is important and she should encourage her to find a thing for college applications. My kid is a sophomore and I am getting a little worried….from reading these threads it seems like your kid has to have basically set up her own lab at NIH to be able to get into the kind of schools that I was easily admitted to at her age (swarthmore, Amherst, Hopkins, gasser, etc.). My kid is way more accomplished and academically advanced than I was but it seems like she’ll probably be lucky to get into UMC college park.

More important than finding a thing for college applications is finding a thing, or things, that she can be passionate about. She could read to little kids or tutor kids in literature, for example.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to her about how to build her love of reading into an EC opportunity? Perhaps even a leadership opportunity? As a freshman, she may not be able to see how a love of reading is a wonderful gift and one that she could share confidently with others. Would she be interested and would her school support a book club? My DS's school has a really active book club where they bring in author speakers and attend events at indie bookstores in the area. They also do reading events (like acting out a Shakespeare play) with an underfunded public school in DC. Would that interest her?

Found out (hopefully before I screwed them up too badly) with my kids that working with their interests rather than trying to force a new one on them was so much better for our relationship and their confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you talked to her about how to build her love of reading into an EC opportunity? Perhaps even a leadership opportunity? As a freshman, she may not be able to see how a love of reading is a wonderful gift and one that she could share confidently with others. Would she be interested and would her school support a book club? My DS's school has a really active book club where they bring in author speakers and attend events at indie bookstores in the area. They also do reading events (like acting out a Shakespeare play) with an underfunded public school in DC. Would that interest her?

Found out (hopefully before I screwed them up too badly) with my kids that working with their interests rather than trying to force a new one on them was so much better for our relationship and their confidence.

A good community EC for a reader is to join the teen advisory board of the local library. Pretty low-key, structured volunteering with fellow readers.

[Anonymous]

Loves to read and dabbles in a few ECs, I'd call that a win.

Give her time. YES she can join an EC as a junior and go deep. One of mine joined speech and debate as a junior, for the skill development, did well. "Didn't make nationals" you say? No, but that's not what ECs need to be about. Opportunities to develop oneself, opportunities to take initiative, opportunities to dig deep, to learn, to move forward. What matters is how this reflection is described on the app.

I have a sophomore, bright kid (in calc BC), yet his school club options are limited at the school he attends, and we are struggling to get him involved. Yet he is one of the most interesting people I know... every car ride home from school starts with him telling me, "did you know..." some esoteric fact lol. Somehow, some way, he will get into something, probably by next year.

As long as she has a few ECs, she's good for the moment. Encourage her to dig deeper or take on more responsibility as time goes on and seems appropriate. If all activities fail to interest her, have her get a job when she's old enough - always a nice EC. Temper your expectations and the pressure you may be putting on her for some sort of Ivy trajectory; best for you to get over that whether she is headed that way or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she cute in an above average way?

Get her off the stress train that is the USA.

Send her to college in Europe perhaps guide her to build a life in the Netherlands where women are happier and only want to work part time.

Dutch women for example have no interest in working full time.

European colleges don’t care about extra curriculars.

OMG-why do you bring up looks?

That is so sexist. Can we please just stop with pretending this is woman's most important trait. I don't think you would say that for a male student

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you talked to her about how to build her love of reading into an EC opportunity? Perhaps even a leadership opportunity? As a freshman, she may not be able to see how a love of reading is a wonderful gift and one that she could share confidently with others. Would she be interested and would her school support a book club? My DS's school has a really active book club where they bring in author speakers and attend events at indie bookstores in the area. They also do reading events (like acting out a Shakespeare play) with an underfunded public school in DC. Would that interest her?

Found out (hopefully before I screwed them up too badly) with my kids that working with their interests rather than trying to force a new one on them was so much better for our relationship and their confidence.

Plus, kids are not clay that you are given to mold.

They are actually people, who have natural tendences and interests. Let them be who they are.

It is actually abusive to convey to them that they are wrong or not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she cute in an above average way?

Get her off the stress train that is the USA.

Send her to college in Europe perhaps guide her to build a life in the Netherlands where women are happier and only want to work part time.

Dutch women for example have no interest in working full time.

European colleges don’t care about extra curriculars.

OMG-why do you bring up looks?

That is so sexist. Can we please just stop with pretending this is woman's most important trait. I don't think you would say that for a male student

Id be harder on a male student.

In a odd way, I am forecasting the returns to aesthetics get even stronger in the 20s and 30s as automation, smart algos, robotics etc erode more and more skills.

This applies to men as well — not as starkly in some ways but even more brutal in other ways.

I’d much rather have an average looking averaged skilled daughter than an average looking average skilled son these next few decades.

For a male student, I would already tell him if he was below the 80th percentile in abilities/skills to scratch out enough money for a solitary existence and then do van-by-the-river life.

[Anonymous]

Would she be interested in reviewing books on Goodreads and then creating a NetGalley account? Through NetGalley, she could start getting Advanced Reader Copies of books to be an early reviewer. She could also review books on youtube or instagram or tiktok.

Reading IS an activity!

[Anonymous]

Your kid sounds awesome! She sounds legitimately passionate about reading, that will serve her 10x better in life than a padded resume full of BS that she doesn’t actually care about and will quit the day it isn’t needed to impress colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is a freshman, please calm down.

right ! If she’s in a good place mentally, let her find her way.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she could do an activity that would make her look more worldly (Model UN + good foreign language grades + ????)

+1 on the comments about the dramatic post title

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely not put it on your kid to FIND AN EXTRACURRICULAR. It sounds like you have a great kid. They'll figure out an activity they like as soon as they settle into HS and it's OK if they're not founding a club or whatever. I'll quote the person above- if she's in a good place mentally, please don't put your anxiety on her. Let her find her way. A padded resume is v obvious to college application committees. Everyone is different, and your child will come across in all their uniqueness and be JUST RIGHT for whatever school they wind up at. Good luck, OP. And get off the college/university board here at DCUM. I'm serious.

[Anonymous]

Mine does nothing and doesn’t read. You win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't let this site be your window on the world please.

I could not pay my kid to read a book. Count your blessings.

When mine applied to Davidson (which asks for a list of books you read in the previous year)...she asked me if she could include required textbooks!

The goal is not to twist your kid into what schools are looking for, it is to find schools where a kid JUST LIKE YOURS will thrive.

This should be a banner on this forum.

For the younger kids, as my pediatrician told us: Parent the kid you have, not the kid you wish you had.