Falling in and out of love with the person you married

[Anonymous]

45 year old man, I am out of love with my wife and it's really, really hard to find the motivation to get back in love. I care about her, she's the mother of my kids, I wish her all the best but I would move on at this point if it were not for the kids, finances, etc.

We are going to therapy, I know I have to try. It would be so much easier to start over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:45 year old man, I am out of love with my wife and it's really, really hard to find the motivation to get back in love. I care about her, she's the mother of my kids, I wish her all the best but I would move on at this point if it were not for the kids, finances, etc.

We are going to therapy, I know I have to try. It would be so much easier to start over.

Good for you for giving it a try. I don’t know your specific circumstances, but I doubt it would be “so much easier to start over” given the kids. I hope you have success with therapy & re-find your happiness.

[Anonymous]

How do I get back to that falling in love phase?? I know I used to love him. I've been out of love here for 7-8-9 years. That's a long time. We get along well. But I could really take him or leave him. Not sure how to get that loving' feeling back.

[Anonymous]

So I’m married to someone who was previously divorced. We have kids together, DH has one child from his first marriage and what keeps me working at loving him is seeing what divorce is really like.

Im not saying I would never get divorced, I would, but it really would take a lot. But overall he is an amazing father, kind person, loving husband, good provider, and honest. We share similar values and a similar worldview.

I think I could find someone amazing if we ever divorced, but that person wouldn’t be perfect, and then I would still be dealing with DH as a co-parent and then my imperfect new spouse.

We were in a tough place years 5 and 6 of our relationship, but I started focusing on what I appreciate about DH instead of dwelling on the things he sucks at or does badly or fails to do. It’s not that I’m in denial, I just focus on the positive, of which there is a lot, and try to spice up our sex life. We just celebrated 14 years and are very very happy now.