Anonymous wrote:In the last few years I’ve discovered (through therapy and on my own) that a lot of my bad relationships as an adult can be traced to childhood trauma. Basically, I had emotionally abusive and neglectful parents, and as an adult I have subconsciously sought out relationships (especially friendships) that recreate that dynamic, in an effort to try and change the narrative of my childhood. So I am drawn to people who remind me of my parents (very judgmental of me specifically, critical, emotionally withholding) and then I try to prove to th that I am worthy of their kindness.
It always goes poorly, of course. Figuring this out has helped me do better in terms of not getting drawn into this dynamic— now, when people are unkind or judgmental towards me, I keep them at a remove and don’t engage. Its a lot better.
But it has me thinking: if the abuse and neglect I experienced is what draws me to people who behave this way towards me, what is going on with them that they behave this way towards me and others? What experiences cause a person to be unkind to their friends and colleagues, extremely critical and judgmental, etc.? I don’t understand how people get that way.
It’s also amazing to me how many people are like this. Now that I am on the lookout for this dynamic, it’s kind crazy how often I meet people and quickly recognize the signs. Why are so many people this way?
You know I realized the same but I didn't see a therapist ever. I realized on my own that I stayed with my cheating ex who was lying etc because he reminded me of my dad's bad qualities. My parents have been together 40 or so years. It's all I've known. We get close to what we know.
|
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}