Is my Mom overly attached to the past?

[Anonymous]

Sounds typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, I'm in my 40s and I do the same thing. I miss the big family gatherings we used to have when everyone lived close to each other. I wish my daughter could experience the same thing.

This.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing unusual or concerning about anybody reminiscing about past times they enjoyed. Especially when they are talking to others who also remember what they are referring to. You may not agree with your mom's assessment of the updated condition of the old house but you can acknowledge her feelings about it anyway and then move on to another topic.

[Anonymous]

My Mom talks about those big family gathering but never lifts a finger to arrange them herself. That's the part that I can't tolerate. Make some new memories for the next generation!

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the Baz Lurman thing “Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)” that was super popular in the late 90s. It was on the radio all the time and I love it now as much as I did then. One line said dispensing nostalgia is like fishing it out from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and rescuing it for more than it’s worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the Baz Lurman thing “Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)” that was super popular in the late 90s. It was on the radio all the time and I love it now as much as I did then. One line said dispensing nostalgia is like fishing it out from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and rescuing it for more than it’s worth.

that's perfect.

nostalgia is a pretty common thing, and it's not that I don't have it, but I would remember the t-giving for 25 was fun but came along with metric ton of cleaning, cooking, and then cleaning again. Why are you concerned about your mom, OP? I would only say it's a real issue if she is unable to take any pleasure in the present.

[Anonymous]

you sound cruel and petty. none of the examples you provided is at all extreme, they are minor and unremarkable. no, your mother did not think the new owners would keep a house as a shrine to the sellers. what kind of arrogant mean spirited assumption is that? maybe your mom is sad that you were a cute little girl (presumably) that has grown up to be such an a$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you sound cruel and petty. none of the examples you provided is at all extreme, they are minor and unremarkable. no, your mother did not think the new owners would keep a house as a shrine to the sellers. what kind of arrogant mean spirited assumption is that? maybe your mom is sad that you were a cute little girl (presumably) that has grown up to be such an a$$.

AMEN

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s unhealthy at all - maybe because I can relate! But I think it’s extremely normal. I’m 50 and very much in the here and now as I work and raise my kids but I also love to reminisce. There are people who used to be at our Thanksgiving table who are very much missed and still present in our hearts, cheesy as that might sound. Life review is a very normal part of aging, and it doesn’t sound like your mom is obsessing over the past to the detriment of her present. If she were unable to enjoy the moment, tearful, showing signs of depression, etc. then that would be problematic.

[Anonymous]

And I agree with PP that sending you that listing doesn’t mean she didn’t expect the new owners to change things. She just thought you might find it interesting, as someone who also has a connection to the house. It’s such a routine, unremarkable thing to do that I’m puzzled at the conclusion you leapt to, and your strong reaction. It’s a nothing-burger.

[Anonymous]

I worked in a nursing home where do mamy if the activities revolves around reminiscing about the past. It’s very powerful, and everyone has an interesting story to share. It’s the opposite of unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

^*so many of the activities*

[Anonymous]

I'm 42 and starting to do this.

I hated growing up on a farm, for the most part, but our big Christmas and Thanksgivings really were the best. We had a big old farm house so it was the place where out of state family would come, with room for everyone. I would "camp" on the pullout couch with my girl cousins in the living room with the lit Christmas tree, and we would watch Disney movies and play with our new toys. We would skate on the pond and decorate our (real) ponies for the holiday, with a pony parade, and make snowmen, etc. There were so many presents, and the house was magical when decorated with pine boughs and lights, etc. Looking back, I am shocked at just how many family members came: not just aunts and uncles, but great aunts and grandparents, etc. The house guests would stay for up to a week, and my mom and the aunts/grandmas would cook amazing pies and meals. It was truly magical.

Honestly, it feels like another world. I wish my ds could have had that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 42 and starting to do this.

I hated growing up on a farm, for the most part, but our big Christmas and Thanksgivings really were the best. We had a big old farm house so it was the place where out of state family would come, with room for everyone. I would "camp" on the pullout couch with my girl cousins in the living room with the lit Christmas tree, and we would watch Disney movies and play with our new toys. We would skate on the pond and decorate our (real) ponies for the holiday, with a pony parade, and make snowmen, etc. There were so many presents, and the house was magical when decorated with pine boughs and lights, etc. Looking back, I am shocked at just how many family members came: not just aunts and uncles, but great aunts and grandparents, etc. The house guests would stay for up to a week, and my mom and the aunts/grandmas would cook amazing pies and meals. It was truly magical.

Honestly, it feels like another world. I wish my ds could have had that.

Sounds so wonderful!

[Anonymous]

On the nostalgia thing - just this afternoon I had to take my 13 year old to the Kentlands. She hasn't been there in awhile. *She* was getting nostalgic and had all these memories of the Kentlands before it was updated!

It's nice to have those memories and it is bittersweet to know they'll never come back.