Is my Mom overly attached to the past?

[Anonymous]

My Mom will often wax nostalgic about the "good old days," when we (her kids, who are now adults) were younger. For example, we would have a big Thanksgiving with all the Grandparents, Aunts/Uncles and Cousins; totaling about 25 people, and it was indeed a fun time; I have lots of great memories from it! However, as the cousins got older and had their own families, and the Grandparents starting having health issues and couldn't travel, Thanksgiving was scaled back to just our immediate family (my two siblings and our respective children). Sucks, but that's the way things go as people get older. However, around Thanksgiving time, my Mom will always go "oh, how I miss those big Thanksgivings! I wish we could have them again!"

The latest incident that made me think about this was that my parents were driving around the neighborhood where my Mom grew up, and found out that the house that she grew up in was recently sold. For some context, my Grandparents (her parents) moved out of that house 15 years ago, and when they did, the house hadn't been updated in a while. My Mom sent us the Zillow posting to the house, and it's been pretty updated (granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, etc). When she texted us the listing, my Mom was saying how sad it was that the house seems to have lost it's character, and it just "looks like a characterless new build." My Grandparents have been out of the house for 15 years! Did you expect the new owners to keep the house as is as a shrine to them?

Anyways, I'm not trying to say that my Mom has inaccurate memories of "the good old days," because we did have a great childhood! However, is it a little unhealthy that she seems to have this strong attachment to the past?

[Anonymous]

I dunno, I'm in my 40s and I do the same thing. I miss the big family gatherings we used to have when everyone lived close to each other. I wish my daughter could experience the same thing.

[Anonymous]

What’s unhealthy about it?

[Anonymous]

I agree, what's wrong with expressing your feelings/memories when something triggers these thoughts? I remember with fondness the big Thanksgivings with my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and it would really bother me if my kids thought there was something wrong with me if I happened to mention it to them.

[Anonymous]

Meh. All of this sounds like normal nostalgia.

[Anonymous]

It’s something that happens as one grows older and realizes the passage of time — you get nostalgic. Since the next generation has little interest, your mom will get her fill of her memories and move on. Keep in mind, this feeling will happen to you too and hopeful your children will show they care, a little.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP? I suspect you’re pretty young. Right now, your focus is on the present and future - as it should be. Over time, you’ll probably grow more nostalgic for the past. Your Mom is 100% normal to talk about her fond memories.

My Mom used to have a saying - “The world is changing, and not for the better”. I used to disagree, but the older I get the more I realize how right she was.

I miss my family members who have passed on and would give anything to sit at the table with them again. Don’t assume that your Mom is depressed or odd. She’s expressing a healthy and normal appreciation for her family history.

[Anonymous]

Nostalgia sucks the big one. My mother was the same. But not because she was old, she was like that in her 30s and 40s and right up til she died age 75. It literally bored the pants off me for YEARS.

Not everyone indulges in this crap.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until you’re old, op. The time will come when 15 years feels like the blink of an eye. It happens to all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait until you’re old, op. The time will come when 15 years feels like the blink of an eye. It happens to all of us.

There are plenty of intelligent, educated OLDER people who are interested in new things. This thread is agist and offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wait until you’re old, op. The time will come when 15 years feels like the blink of an eye. It happens to all of us.

There are plenty of intelligent, educated OLDER people who are interested in new things. This thread is agist and offensive.

Didn’t say there weren’t. Older people interested in new things can still be nostalgic for fun-filled family holidays many years in the past, or think it’s a shame their old house was updated and lost its charm, even if it was sold 15 years ago. Both of these things can be true!

[Anonymous]

Your mom’s fine but you sound like a cold fish.

[Anonymous]

This is very common and not unhealthy unless it creates problems. She is remembering happy times. Yes she has glossed over or forgotten some of the less happy things, but overall she is remembering when she was younger and had her family around her. It's easy to understand why she might be nostalgic for that, and fine so long as she doesn't get stuck there.

Here's a more extreme example: My mom was furious that DH and I sold the home where we'd lived when our DD was born -- could not imagine letting go of the place where DD took her first steps. Offered to buy it from us so we could keep it as a rental (we declined).

[Anonymous]

I think I know what is talking about. My mother makes herself incapable of enjoying the now because it isn't what was before. In her case though, she has pretty warped memories of the "good old days" (they weren't good). She is offended, hurt, victimized. . . because we don't wallow in it with her. Us enjoying the present is an insult to her. So tiring.

[Anonymous]

Sounds totally normal. Not a problem.