Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
how much is too muuch to drink?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
DH was never a heavy daily drinker. We've been together for 10+ years so I know his habits pretty well. Early last year for whatever reason he started drinking a rum and coke when he got home from work occasionally... then every day... then 2-3. Finally, I told him I thought it was excessive and he agreed and backed off. He said work was really stressing him out and he just wanted to relax when he got home.
Fast forward to the present, wine is now his drink of choice. I know lots of people have a glass in the evenings... but 2-3 glasses? He would polish off a bottle if I didn't stop him (should I even have to stop a 30 year olf man?). I hesitate to ever kick back with a glass because I swear he sees that as a green light to pop open a bottle or two. The other day when I mentioned that I though it was getting to be, yet again, excessive, he said something like "so and so at work has a bottle a night". Really?? That seems ridiculous to me. I know that's not normal. On the other hand, am I crazy? Do normal people drink 2-3 glasses of wine a night? To me, this seems excessive... especially when the first glass is poured when the foot is barely in the door and enjoyed while bathing the kids. I feel like such a nagger but it worries me because I don't want it to grow into a bigger problem. My brother had addiction problems so maybe I am just hyper-aware. I need to either be talked down or have my suspicions confirmed. FWIW, our kids are 2.5 and 6 months. Thanks, everyone. |
Anonymous
| *too much. Oops. Darn phone. |
Anonymous
|
Is it too much? I'm sure if you asked a doctor, the answer is probably yes.
Do I know plenty of functional people that drink that much? Yes. Are you worried simply beause of the amount? Or is the amount causing other problems? Is he getting up late, not helping around the house as much, not waking up when the kids need him? If there are problems from the drinking, I would focus on those - as that is something more concrete than "I just think you drink too much." |
Anonymous
I second what this poster has said. Are there potential health risks? Sure. But there are also potential health risks to driving too fast, eating sweets, not exercising, etc, etc, etc. If the drinking is not having any impact on anything else, I don't see the problem. We have to get over our prudishness. Some people drink when they get home, some work out, some veg in front of the TV... we all have different ways of destressing. If it's not causing any problems, why create one? |
Anonymous
| We do drink 2 or even 3 drinks on a Saturday night at home, but other than an occasional beer, don't drink otherwise. Tell him to exercise, meditate or do yoga to relieve the stress. |
Anonymous
|
I come from a nondrinking family of alcoholics, meaning my parents' generation didn't drink anything because everyone else was alcoholic. So I have a very low tolerance for what seems like normal drinking. To get more in step with the rest of the country, I changed my litmus test to this:
Does drinking: 1) impair personality/behavior? (This includes slurring speech, not participating with kids/spouse, disengaging from other regular activities to drink instead). 2) cause the person to do something dangerous like drink and drive? 3) impair health? If it doesn't do any of these, then fine. Drink away. 2-3 a day might be pushing it for a man on the health side of things, but that's all I can see "wrong" with it. |
Anonymous
|
the longer you take to get a buzz the worse it is for you.
it depends a lot on the amount of fat you have and how "fit" is your liver. there's no magic number. the problem is WHY are you drinking. |
Anonymous
| It's excessive when you have to have it. Could be a little or could be a lot but if you have to have it, that's a problem. |
Anonymous
| But the thing is, OP's husband has clearly changed his behavior, from being a light drinker to one who is drinking nearly a bottle of wine per night. So I think OP has a good reason to be concerned - he is either self-medicating (to deal with depression or anxiety), or avoiding issues, or not talking about something that is bothering him. My DH did something similar, and it ended up being the impetus to get us into counseling and deal with some of the issues he had been hiding from me, including depression. (Not that I'm accusing OP of having marriage problems - that's just one example.) |
Anonymous
OP here. This is really my cause for concern - I didn't even realize that I'd left that out of the original post. DH is on Lexapro for anxiety. He has always had anxiety but it wasn't until a couple of years ago that he went to the Dr. and started on medication. It has helped immensely, both him and I noticed the difference immediately. I am just worried about him and I am frustrated and I'm having a hard time explaining it to him. "You're drinking too much" is so vague and he never drinks to the point of being drunk, so perhaps all of the PPs are right - he isn't really drinking too much - but I guess I worry about the 'why' behind it all. |
Anonymous
| if the lexapro helps with anxiety, why the need to have 2-3 drinks too? maybe he should try xanax. |
Anonymous
|
I am the poster that said focus on the impacts of the drinking. I didn't mean to discount that there may be a problem - just trying to point out that the only way to get her husband to listen to the problem is to do more than just count his drinks. In general, no one is receptive to hearing that they drink too much - whether they have a problem or not. Its a judgement call. And you need to back it up with why it is a problem (I speak from experience). Otherwise, he's always going to be able to find someone to make him feel "OK" about his level of drinking. And maybe it is OK. Maybe its not.
OP - given the additional info, talk to your DH about your concern for his stress level. Are the meds still working? Should he go back to the doctor and have them adjusted? |
Anonymous
Xanax can turn in to a much bigger problem way faster than 2-3 glasses a night . |
Anonymous
|
OP, I posted a few weeks ago about suspecting my dad has a drinking problem. His drink of choice is also wine, though he also enjoys liquor. He supposedly has depression and adult ADD. Anyway, for the longest time, we knew that he enjoyed 2 or 3 glasses of wine at night. Something about that bothered me, though I couldn't put it into words. Over Christmas, it came out that he actually is a very highly functional alcoholic and was/is sneaking swigs from wine bottles during the day, finishing 2 bottles of wine in as many days, my mom is finding empty wine and beer bottles hidden in the trash, the levels of scotch are quickly going down, etc. I suspect he is self-medicating for his depression.
Anyway, I don't want to sound all doom and gloom but we were totally floored that he was sneaking drinks during the day. So, please be careful that 2 or 3 drinks a night doesn't become 2 or 3 drinks during the day. We are trying to work with my dad but until he gets sober, he is no longer allowed to be unsupervised with my 9 month old and 2.5 year old, nor is he ever allowed to drive them. |
Anonymous
Above PP, I am the OP. I do remember reading your post - I am so sorry you are going through this with your dad. I know DH doesn't go this far but I can truly feel for you because, as I mentioned, I went through serious addiction issues for years with my brother. If it is any consolation, he has been clean for four years now. 
|