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inflexible husband- just venting
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Anonymous
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new baby and husband didn't take any time off (big law, up for partner, a million other really good reasons why - we made this decision jointly and my mom moved in with us for the duration to help with new baby plus our older one)... he sleeps in a different room at night, follows his own schedule, gets home late, etc. my mom cooks, does laundry, keeps older one occupied (not in school yet, so there's a lot of occupying to be done) so, here's the weekend and he's popped into work to drop some boxes off. not to work, mind you, just to drop off some books he thinks he might need later this week. then, he's irritated b/c my mother invited one of her local friends over to see new baby. he wants her gone by the time he gets home b/c he's not in the mood to socialize. said friend has met hubby before and adores him - she's even offered to come make him lunch (to give my mom a break from the cooking, too). hubby insists this is "his" time with kids and he doesn't want to meet friend. we scheduled friend b/c we knew his plans to go to work and he's budgeted 3 hours. so, now its noon and friend is 1 hr late and husband is over an hour early and is on way home. just irritated. am certain this will turn into major fight. and that he will win. b/c i have no energy to argue. |
Anonymous
| Your husband sounds like he's a tyrant and it's all me me me. Actually, he sounds like he'd be perfect for law firm partnership. I don't mean to add to your troubles, OP, but he needs to leave the house for three hours to drop off some books that he might need later in the week? WTF? I call bullshit on that. You need to start wondering what's going on here, and I'm not one of the DCUMers who urges people to think affair. This is the first time my mind has ever gone there. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you two have bigger problems than this one incident. He sleeps in a different room than you? Why is that? |
Anonymous
| op here: nah. he's a bad budgeter of time - for instance, his 3 hr task took half and hour and he's on way back already. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, OP. I think your husband is probably overworked and cranky. As a mother of 3, who works FT in biglaw, I totally get it.
And I'm even up for partner as well.... He needs to get over himself. If he really wanted to spend time with the kids, he wouldn't have gone into work to drop off some books. Your mother is helping you out and he needs to respect that and be more flexible. Personally, I think you have already given him too much of a free pass, but that is me... |
Anonymous
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OP again - sorry, sleeping in dift room while my mom is here - so she can help me at night and he can get rest and not be wiped out in am.
i'm just pissed he has this job crap right when new baby is born. for first, he took the full 6 weeks of paternity leave. |
Anonymous
Maybe his budgeted 3 hour task took only 1/2 hour because something didn't go as 'planned'. Still sounds fishy, and he does sound like a jerk. |
Anonymous
| OP I think you need to remind him that your mom has given up her time to come and help you. She was not obligated to do so and has done you a huge favor to move in with you so that HE can work. He needs to lose his self-absorbtion and be more gracious to your mom. What an ass!! |
Anonymous
| You're making lots of excuses for your husband...you know that most husbands, even the ones making lots of money, aren't like this. Basic courtesy and respect is missing. |
Anonymous
| Maybe he's feeling conflicted about having to put most of his energy into work, and so it looms large in his mind when "his" time at home gets crowded. he may also have some irrational slight resentment that your mom can be there while he can't, and feel a little usurped/outnumbered/unneeded. (Again, this may be irrational, but I can see someone in his shoes feeling like this.) Maybe your mom's friends can come over during the week for a while, instead of on the weekend. And maybe you and your husband can get some "alone" time to recharge and reconnect. |
Anonymous
| Does the actually spend "his time" with the kids alone and give you and your mom a break? |
Anonymous
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Sorry, OP. We dealt with the same stuff when our son was born 3.5 years ago. My husband just HAD to go on a work trip to Belgium 10 days after our one and only child was born. I was beyond livid. Then there was an airline worker strike and he got stuck there. There were many, many other similar experiences where my husband chose work over me and our son. Then something happened about the time that our son turned 2 1/2 and became very enamored with daddy. My husband still works like crazy, but our son has become a much bigger priority. I wonder if it had something to do with our son developing his own personality and my husband finally falling in love with our son the way I did when I was still pregnant with him.
I hope that your husband will see the light, too. The time we have with our little ones is so limited and precious. I know my husband still regrets that stupid trip to Europe and all the other times that he blew us off for work. |
Anonymous
| He's an asshole. Stop letting him slide. |
Anonymous
OP's mother is doing a HUGE favor for her daughter in giving up her time and energy to helping with the children and she should not be made to feel that she is either the probem or even a part of the problem DH is doing nothing but making things worse. The very least @$$ of husband can do is treat his MIL with courtesy, respect, and not being such a block head. OP, as others have said, you and DH have major problems because from your description he sounds completely self-absorbed. |
Anonymous
| Wow. He should be grateful your mom is there to help and try to work around her schedule for once. She's not his servant for cryin' out loud! |