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My Husbands Career- Need Advice (Men Please Respond!)
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Anonymous
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I need advice from the men on here.
My husband started a new job a few months ago. He is having a hard time managing his duties and he is getting really stressed. Based upon what he has told me, and upon knowing him I would say his problems are 1) He doesn't know how to properly manage his time. He needs to learn how to prioritize and just get things done. 2) He needs to learn how to delegate and follow up. If he tells someone to do something, he doesn't follow up and they end up not doing it, or doing it wrong, and it makes him look bad. He sees this as "oh this is why I have to do everything myself" Whereas I see it as, "no you don't. you need to learn how to be a more effective manager." 3) He needs to come up with some way to be more organized overall. 4) He just needs to relax. Juggling multiple tasks should not be that stressful. Chill out and take a deep breath. IMO, this job should not be that stressful. I am not trying to insult him or anything, but really. He is managing one department, not the whole place. Let's get it together. I feel as he is just not effective and it takes him forever to do what someone else could come in and do just like that. Right now he is definitely NOT ready to be at the level where he wants to be. I am his #1 supporter but I have to be honest. Of course he has his good qualities- employees love him, he has experience, he is knowledgeable, blah blah blah. But all of this stress is trickling over into our family life. He is always tired. He comes home and goes to sleep. He sleeps all weekend. And he is always stressed. What can I do to help support him? Do I try to help him see how he could be a bit more organized, or do I just shut the heck up and let things continue like this? He often asks my advice about things so it wouldn't be out of character for me to say something, but I know men and women are different and I don't want to handle this the wrong way. |
Anonymous
| This is not an issue that only men have answers to. |
Anonymous
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Women can answer too. I just know that men and women look at things differently sometimes.
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Anonymous
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Maybe he's not cut out to be in management. Not everyone is. I was essentially forced into a supervisory role, and I ended up totally stressed out and having panic attacks. I actually quit my job in order to get rid of that responsibility.
And OP, your attitude is fairly bitchy. So he's not running a whole company and therefore his job is easy? |
Anonymous
| Woman here. I get the sense from your post you may be being a bit hard on him. Managing one department is not necessarily an easy thing! Is he new to management? If so, he could greatly benefit from management training of some sort. It sounds like he is a great worker bee but doesn't have a knack for managing others. |
Anonymous
I'm sure that my attitude is, hence the reason I am asking for advice on how to handle this situation. I've been called an ego-crushing ball buster so I know that sometimes I come off stronger than I mean to. That's why I need help on what to say or do, if anything. Maybe this is the time to just be quiet and make some cookies! I am not saying his job is easy, but I don't think it's as difficult as he is making it seem- relative to the position that he wants to be in. |
Anonymous
| OP, maybe your DH should SAH and you should take his job! |
Anonymous
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He might want to consider an executive coach. One who could help him be a better manager and set some goals for himself, plus teach him how to work with the stress. Sometimes it is much easier (and more effective) to hear this from someone else vs. your wife, etc.
Encourage him to get exercise on a daily basis -- this helps everyone with stress. |
Anonymous
| Ok....management training or coaching- do I suggest this option? Or am I supposed to come up with some passive-aggressive way to hint at it? I'm trying not to "Lynette Scavo" him. |
Anonymous
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Okay, your husband's problems are:
He doesn't know how to manage his time He doesn't know how to delegate or prioritize He doesn't know how to manage He doesn't know how to get organized. Is that ALL? I dont' mean to sound mean, but how the hell did your husband end up managing a division? If I'm going to hazard a guess, it's probably because he's a federal employee who's great at a substantive field, and was therefore chosen to manage other people -- because in the federal government, if you're great at your substantive field, well then you must have managerial skills! HA! Your husband is in deep doo-doo OP. It sounds like he doesn't know the first thing about management. He should ask to take a course in Management 101. Now. |
Anonymous
This doesn't just happen in the federal government. |
Anonymous
Dude! Enough with gratuitously slagging off SAHMs. (And it's definitely gratuitous here, as there's nothing to indicate OP does SAH. If anything, her conviction that running a department shouldn't be "that hard" suggests that she works in a corporate environment herself.) |
Anonymous
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Since he's heading a division, I'd suggest an executive coach. He's at minimum a sr. director, right? A coach is going to give him one-on-one advice and some hand-holding.
Is he a VP? |
Anonymous
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He has adult ADD, he has coped and created ways to cope over the years and now in this new job he has not learned how to cope yet. He knows he needs to do it but he doesn't, he could do it but his mind wanders and he lets it all pile up and he gets stressed but he thrives on that stress as the last minute and hope to get it done.
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Anonymous
| Don't bust his balls! Let him navigate his way through it. He'll learn from his mistakes he doesn't need you harping on him. Help him out by letting him have stress free time at home. Let him zone in front of the tv, give him a nice foot rub or make him a drink. Don't talk so much. He's not talking to you about it to get feed back - just to vent. |