HoliDrama

[Anonymous]

I'm so angry and humiliated. A relative of my husband who he is rather close with called last night to tell him that apparently five or six years ago (at a funeral mind you) I hit on her son. Her married son. He married son who had just lost his brother. The closest I ever came to this man was to hug him while he was crying. So my husband was told that while out at a bar I "hit on" this person. Hit on him? I am so angry and upset that for six years these people have thought this of me and not said anything. It's humiliating.

I have social anxiety and I do not leave my husband's side when we are out with people I don't know, which we were. I also do not drink much. This person in question was not only smoking pot but was shitfaced drunk and mourning the unexpected loss of his sibling. So now we have this drama 15 days before Christmas because said "relative" had to get this off of her chest.

And I thought about not posting because married relative's wife might read this site, but you know what, I do not care. I can't believe that this person feels I hit on him, I can't believe a grown man has avoided my husband for SIX years because of this and I cannot believe that given the circumstances the other relatives were not smart enough to suspect perhaps he imagined this or it did not quite happen the way he thinks it did - BECAUSE IT DID NOT HAPPEN.

Please talk me down from calling these people and blasting them. I am so angry, I feel like trash, I feel like they've been talking behind my back and judging me based on someone's account of something that never happened. How do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

I came in for the awesome title.

Sorry this is happening to you, OP. I can imagine how much it hurts and angers you to know people have been judging you for something that's untrue. I say you do what you want to- call them and blast them! End 2010 with a bang!

However, you should know that this advice is coming from someone who is on the naughty list this year.

[Anonymous]

Sounds ridiculous and I would treat it as such. It's only important that your husband know it's not true. If it comes up I would just say "that didn't happen", and move on to the next subject. Otherwise you will end up getting all worked up for nothing. Anyone that believes it happened, will believe it no matter what you say. Just don't give into the drama and it will pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I came in for the awesome title.

Sorry this is happening to you, OP. I can imagine how much it hurts and angers you to know people have been judging you for something that's untrue. I say you do what you want to- call them and blast them! End 2010 with a bang!

However, you should know that this advice is coming from someone who is on the naughty list this year.

Thanks for the advice. I am so angry! GRRRR. I feel bad for my poor husband, too. Having to deal with lunatic relatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds ridiculous and I would treat it as such. It's only important that your husband know it's not true. If it comes up I would just say "that didn't happen", and move on to the next subject. Otherwise you will end up getting all worked up for nothing. Anyone that believes it happened, will believe it no matter what you say. Just don't give into the drama and it will pass.

Awesome advice, thank you. You are 100% correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in for the awesome title.

Sorry this is happening to you, OP. I can imagine how much it hurts and angers you to know people have been judging you for something that's untrue. I say you do what you want to- call them and blast them! End 2010 with a bang!

However, you should know that this advice is coming from someone who is on the naughty list this year.

Thanks for the advice. I am so angry! GRRRR. I feel bad for my poor husband, too. Having to deal with lunatic relatives.

And wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in for the awesome title.

Sorry this is happening to you, OP. I can imagine how much it hurts and angers you to know people have been judging you for something that's untrue. I say you do what you want to- call them and blast them! End 2010 with a bang!

However, you should know that this advice is coming from someone who is on the naughty list this year.

Thanks for the advice. I am so angry! GRRRR. I feel bad for my poor husband, too. Having to deal with lunatic relatives.

And wife.

Well that's not nice!

OP, ignore this mean poster - it sounds to me like you're dealing with a nutty relative who chooses to believe the worst type of gossip rather than think about what is objectively likely and reasonable. I'd be mad, too, but I think the other PPs are right about taking the high road.

And while I am on the topic, I simply don't understand why so many DCUM posters take the opportunity to be nothing but nasty in their comments. We'd never, ever treat each other in real life the way people do on here - so yes, please be honest in your posts - but why are people just out-and-out mean? Ugh. It's so dispiriting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in for the awesome title.

Sorry this is happening to you, OP. I can imagine how much it hurts and angers you to know people have been judging you for something that's untrue. I say you do what you want to- call them and blast them! End 2010 with a bang!

However, you should know that this advice is coming from someone who is on the naughty list this year.

Thanks for the advice. I am so angry! GRRRR. I feel bad for my poor husband, too. Having to deal with lunatic relatives.

And wife.

And that is suppose to mean what? Support OP, give an opinion or don't post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came in for the awesome title.

Sorry this is happening to you, OP. I can imagine how much it hurts and angers you to know people have been judging you for something that's untrue. I say you do what you want to- call them and blast them! End 2010 with a bang!

However, you should know that this advice is coming from someone who is on the naughty list this year.

Thanks for the advice. I am so angry! GRRRR. I feel bad for my poor husband, too. Having to deal with lunatic relatives.

And wife.

Oh hi, you must be the married relative's wife.

Leave OP alone.

[Anonymous]

Relax.
I doubt anyone really believes this about you, or that this is the reason people have been avoiding you for years. Remember, for now, you just have the account of one befuddled old lady.

If you are generally discreet and polite, who on earth will think that you hit on a married someone at a funeral?

It is not worth your time to get offended. Your husband should just laugh it off if someone ever mentions it - "I heard this too! Hilarious! Can you believe some idiots believe this is true!".

End of story.

[Anonymous]

OP, try to see the humor in this. Really, it's actually very funny. The stoned, drunk guy...you with your social anxiety..the funeral...the loss of the brother...somehow everyone gets the idea you have hit on him...a rumor is passed in the family. Really, it's a great story, like a Seinfeld episode. Everyone should be laughing about it soon.

Try to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Some people really feed on keeping everyone separated from each other -- a variation on the divide and conquer idea, without the conquer. What better way than to spread vicious gossip about someone? No one EVER brings things up straight to your face to verify. They just don't. And whether they believe it or not, it's something negative planted in their minds. Is the relative who called your husband passive aggressive?

[Anonymous]

Hilariously bizarre, but not for you I bet.

I would not be able to refrain from calling. That is a very serious accusation. I'd call and say "it did not happen, I'm extremely upset that you said it did, and you need to stop spreading malicious gossip about me now before I consider a defamation of character lawsuit. I hope you think about this carefully. You've really hurt me and I feel you've destroyed our relationship. Goodbye."

I'd be soooo pissed. But you realize that your relative needs help, right? I doubt youre the first person she has done this to. BTW what did your husband say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people really feed on keeping everyone separated from each other -- a variation on the divide and conquer idea, without the conquer. What better way than to spread vicious gossip about someone? No one EVER brings things up straight to your face to verify. They just don't. And whether they believe it or not, it's something negative planted in their minds. Is the relative who called your husband passive aggressive?

Very passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. My IL's are unbelievably (literally) passive aggressive. They used to be a lot of work. Now I just ignore them.

If you feel the need, you could send an email confronting the person who accused you. Do not include torrid details, just tell her to back off in a sweet way, so she has nothing to hold against you. Assume the email will be passed on to others, so don't mention anything specific or anything you wouldn't want anyone else to read. If she thinks she can pull one over on you, she will try. Trust me, I have a whole IL family of them. They are extremely tiresome. I empathize with you. Good luck.