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How do you resolve your relationship with your kids after getting mad at them?
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lisa_ca
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Sometimes, I lose my patience with my kids and feel guilty afterward.
For example, I used the word "spanking her hard" if she doesn't change her clothes to go out. Any tips/suggestions/advice? |
Anonymous
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Don't use the words "spanking her hard," for one thing. That could be part of why you feel guilty. Figure out if there are particular pressure points (either times of day, situations, or topics) that make you lose your patience in particular, and then see if you can strategize around them. For example, my DD always stalls in putting on her shoes and coat, and it seems like the more in a rush we are, the longer she stalls. Drives me nuts, so now I get her shoes on much earlier in the process. When you feel yourself losing patience, take a deep breath and a step back, if you can. Sometimes I switch into a lower-toned, slower and more deliberate way of speaking, as a way to try to take things down a notch for myself.
Don't feel guilty about losing patience sometimes, though. It's natural and we all do it on occasion. 
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Anonymous
| After you calm down and the situation subsides, discuss the issue why it's important to get ready on time, you worry about safety, etc. and that you don't like yelling. Depending on situation, I apologize to them too and let them know I was venting, maybe more than I should have. |
Anonymous
| PP Forgot to mention good to say that you are "over it" being mad and that no one should stay mad after discussing things and knowing why ...something had happened and is resolved. |
Anonymous
| Thank you all for your helpful advice. I really appreciate it. |
Anonymous
| I just hopped on here to write a very similar post... I don't know how old your child is, but I have a 2 yo dd, and I tried to cut her bangs earlier, and it turned into a little bit of a blow out that had me crying with guilt earlier.. Luckily for me, toddlers are resilient and she's completely over it now.. and I will take her somewhere to get her bangs cut from now on.. but it was just not good... She's typically such a GREAT kid, so whenever I do get to the point where I'm actually angry, and show it.. I always feel terribly guilty... |
Anonymous
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Just be really really glad that aren't this mom who BIT her own kid out of anger.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/137700.page |
Anonymous
| I usually warn them by saying "i'm losing my patience here" before i blow my top. Sometimes it helps but at least they know its as much the mom as it is the kid. |
Anonymous
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1, 2, 3 Magic helps a lot (helps you to not lose control in the first place).
When I've done it, I apologize afterward and specifically. "I'm sorry, Joey, that I yelled at you. That wasn't nice. I could have used better words, and I'm going to do a lot better next time." |
Anonymous
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"When I've done it, I apologize afterward and specifically. "I'm sorry, Joey, that I yelled at you. That wasn't nice. I could have used better words, and I'm going to do a lot better next time." "
How about not yelling in the first place? |
Anonymous
Just want to say, don't use the "I get mad, then get over it quickly" as a cop-out to keep from working on this issue. There are a host of negative repercussions to "losing it" that you want to spare your kids. I highly recommend anger management classes. They definitely helped my DW. |
Anonymous
I see the perfect parents are at it again ... really, even the most patient person in the world is going to struggle every now and then when their kid is pushing their buttons. I'm sure most of us TRY not to lose it, but (except for the perfect parents that seem to dominate on DCUM), the reality is that sometimes we're going to fail. Talk to your kid after and make sure they know that even though what they were doing was not appropriate, neither was your response and you'll try to do better next time. |
Anonymous
Probably for the same reason you are nasty online - a moment of weakness. If you had reflected on my post a little before posting such a pointless question, maybe you would have realized I was able to form better coping skills using the techniques in 1, 2, 3 Magic. |
Anonymous
Not a perfect parent here. But I did have a parent who would go ape-shit on a weekly basis. Of course, she would always "get over it quickly". It still has an effect. Look, I'm not saying everyone has to be perfect all the time, but if you find yourself yelling at your kids more than once in a very long while, you should work on it. |