Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
Holding back a boy in school-a jewish perspective?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| we have a son that misses the cut-off for K by 3 days. He is currently in K in a private school. We need to decide whether to let him go on into first grade or do K in public school next year. My husband feels strongly that we should keep him back. The principal says that he should go on to first provided his current teachers agree he is ready. She says they have a few kids that have done so and are doing well and that holding him back is not necessarily better for him. I think he will be ok from an academic perspective but as my husband and our rabbi has pointed out-his entire class will have their Bat Mitzvah a year ahead of him. His religious school class will be at the same level he is at public school. He will be one of the if not the youngest in his class. Anyone have a perspective on this? I also realize he will be the last to get a drivers license and things of that sort. |
Anonymous
| but if you hold him back then he'll be the oldest which is worse IMO. When he's a senior he'll be 18 right away which is considered an adult but he'll still be treated like a child having to go to school and follow those rules vs. going out and getting a job, going to college etc like other 18 yr olds. |
Anonymous
|
I went to Jewish schools growing up, and we had boys who were 1 year older than me (both September birthdays) because they were held back in Kindergarten, and boys who were born the January following my birthday (so, from Sep 1978 - Jan 1980 births). Since girls have their Bat Mitzvahs at 12, most of the bar and bat mitzvahs are spread out over 2 years.
Who cares about when the bar mitzhvah falls, anyway? No one's going to ostracize him for that. If anything, he might be ostracized if he doesn't do very much during services (one boy was made fun of because he only read the Torah portion instead of singing it with the trope that everyone else in our class learned for their bar/bat mitzvahs). I would look more at your son's readiness level in terms of schoolwork, and his maturity vs. that of his peers. If he goes to a community (Jewish) school, you may also want to look at the level of religiosity among his current classmates vs. the next grade; it's difficult to be the only Orthodox kid in the entire class, for example (my husband was 1 of 3 in his class, but the grade below him had only 1, so that was more difficult for that 1 kid). Good luck! |
Anonymous
As an adult in HS, I think that the rules don't apply in the same way. He can write is own notes when he is out f school for illness and sign his own permission slips for field trips. OP I would hold him back. No one else is putting their child ahead. |
Anonymous
| Bar Mitzvahs are appropriate at 12 or 13. Mine was 3 months after my birthday because someone contacted my parents after we had our date reserved at the temple and told us how the haftorah (sp?) portion for that date had been in their family for generations, so we traded dates with them. Betwen fall birthdays, and kids getting bar/bat mitzvahed at either 12 or 13, I agree that bar mitzvah "season" lasted almost 2 years when I was young. |
Anonymous
|
Sorry, but I think the bar mitzvah date things is stupid (and yes, I am Jewish). You don't hold your child back in secular school because of one shabbat. Who cares? You get a nice fall date, and the kids will be refreshed.
Either your child is mature enough to be the youngest or he isn't. Will he be mature enough to handle learning his torah portion - that's a reason. |
Anonymous
My DS was in the same boat and not a single person said what this PP has said. Even the pediatrician said it was better to hold him back than have him be the youngest -- even said it would positively impact his entire adult life if he was the oldest rather than the youngest in school. I wish we hadn't had to choose between those two extremes, but since we had to, we chose to have him be the oldest, per EVERYONE'S advice. |
Anonymous
| I started K as a 4-yr-old because my November birthday was 5 days after the Oct 31 cut-off. I was always the youngest or second-youngest in my class throughout grade school, and it did not bother me at all. Of course I was jealous when all my friends got their driver's licenses before me, but I never had trouble making friends or academically. In fact I was often bored in school and can only imagine how much worse it would have been if I had been held back a year. And honestly I'd rather my kid be the last than the first to drive other kids around town. |
Anonymous
|
OMG, what if he's the tallest? Or the shortest? Or has opinions or interests that separate him from his peers?!!!
Difference. Embrace it. Teach him to live a life that isn't custom-built for him. |
Anonymous
|
Anonymous
| I was among the youngest in my class with a June birthday, but 5 of my siblings were even younger with Sept, Oct and Nov birthdays. My family has tall, smart kids and would have seemed even taller and smarter if we were the oldest. You really have to gauge your own child and do what is best for his education and self-esteem. |
Anonymous
|
I can't believe how many people use their own experience as being the youngest in their class as justification for not holding a child back today.
Different time, people. Really. Times have changed. OP - only you (and your DH) can determine if your child is ready. If he is - go for it. My son just missed the cut-off by 10 days, so he will be one of the older kids in his class. FWIW, he is one of MANY in his pre-K class that have Oct. birthdays. So your DS would likely be only a few weeks older than a lot of kids... |
Anonymous
Honest question here, I don't see how there is any real generational difference in making this decision. The considerations are all the same: emotional/mental maturity, comparisons to others, late or early in milestones such as driving, physical abiltiy in sports, etc. These concerns have always been there. So, I think that good experiences being the youngest in the class are just as relevant if they occurred 20 years ago or 5 years ago. |
Anonymous
OP here-thanks all for the input. To the above PP-I never said this was the sole point of consideration-just a small component. Our rabbi said to consider it and we are. |
Anonymous
|
Kids will have their B/M at all different times of the year. They might not have it near their birthday anyway.
I was always the youngest in my class and have regretted it. Don't do it. |