This is so isolating - I don’t have any mom friends anymore

[Anonymous]

I have three kids the same age, OP. I rarely see people, occasionally my family and their kids. My DH works a demanding job outside of home and I’m in the house with the kids alone all week. Two of the kids are distance learning. I’m not super precautious. I take them to the playground.

But visits with friends? I don’t because I have zero emotional energy to talk to people. My friend texted me yesterday asking if I’m still alive. I’m depressed and I have nothing in me that can talk to people. I feel like a shell of a person, running around non-stop trying to get my kids educated and fed and not wrecking the house. I sleep when my DH gets home and I don’t have anything to give anyone. I’m sorry you’re missing friends. It’s a really hard thing to be alone in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids the same age, OP. I rarely see people, occasionally my family and their kids. My DH works a demanding job outside of home and I’m in the house with the kids alone all week. Two of the kids are distance learning. I’m not super precautious. I take them to the playground.

But visits with friends? I don’t because I have zero emotional energy to talk to people. My friend texted me yesterday asking if I’m still alive. I’m depressed and I have nothing in me that can talk to people. I feel like a shell of a person, running around non-stop trying to get my kids educated and fed and not wrecking the house. I sleep when my DH gets home and I don’t have anything to give anyone. I’m sorry you’re missing friends. It’s a really hard thing to be alone in this.

Your life sucks. Why not hire a nanny or form a bubble?

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope you’re still reading. I didn’t read all 10 pages.

Get out there. Hike. Go to playgrounds. Go to pumpkin patches. Live your life.

You’ll find friends at those places. They’re out there, you just have to find them.

[Anonymous]

Over the summer we left our house (literally hadn't done anything or seen anyone since March up to that point) for one-on-one, masked, outdoor get togethers in backyards.

We just did a masked video game playdate last weekend (family projected the screen on the side of the house on the porch, kids sat on either end of an 8' folding table on chairs and wore masks apart from pizza time. We sat in the yard, with masks and apart, in chairs and talked. I felt safe and we got human interaction.

We have done a few backyard swim playdates which I know aren't as safe because you can't wear a mask in a pool but we took that risk to do it.

[Anonymous]

OP, as others have suggested you need to seek out a new friend group. The position of your current group of friends and a few of the posters here is in no way representative of the current norms. It’s a relatively small (and fairly self selecting group) that have both the level of risk aversion and financial stability necessary to essentially withdraw from society for 7+ months or interact with only one or two other families. Within these parameters it seems like there are pockets of individuals who thrive on the martyr complex and feed off of each other (and media clickbait) to try to push a zero tolerance (and wildly disproportionate risk assessment ) narrative for any level of risk related to COVID exposure.

My DH and I have both been back to work in person since June and many others in our circle have as well. We also send our children to childcare centers, regularly socialize in small groups (mostly but not exclusively outdoors), frequent playgrounds and outdoor events/ venues, and dine at restaurants, as do pretty much all of my friends and work colleagues. Judging from our experiences and the large number of families at these venues you should not have a problem finding other moms willing to socialize in the area. Maybe try networking through your husband’s work colleagues, online moms groups or as others have suggested just going to playgrounds and other kids venues.

[Anonymous]

Yes, people are here have lost their minds. I am also taking th pandemic seriously. I don’t eat at restaurants or go to bars. About once a month we have friends over to grill in the yard. My kids are in (private) school and they do sports. There’s a good chance we need to go into lockdown again so I’m really seizing outdoor time. We will do thanksgiving with my mom and my two single siblings. Everyone is getting tested beforehand. I know that’s not a guarantee but it is a sting mitigation. My DH and I have both had depression/anxiety so we are trying to thread the needle a bit on taking care of ourselves mentally and being cautious about covid. I do have one friend group that sounds a lot like yours. Thankfully I have other that’s are more like minded to me. I don’t know how folks are staying home this whole time. I’m guessing they are introverts and so this just isn’t that big of a difference day-to-day for them.

[Anonymous]

OP, your friends seem to be taking a very conservative approach toward risk. I'm a PhD scientist married to a doctor. My kids are in pods so I can work, and we go to playgrounds and have met up with many other families outdoors for socially distanced get togethers. The families are all highly educated people, many in science/medicine, who "take covid seriously." But we still go to stores (wearing masks), go to work (wearing masks), and send kids to childcare (wearing masks). We understand that the risk isn't zero, but as healthy youngish people we are all low risk for serious cases of covid to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your friends seem to be taking a very conservative approach toward risk. I'm a PhD scientist married to a doctor. My kids are in pods so I can work, and we go to playgrounds and have met up with many other families outdoors for socially distanced get togethers. The families are all highly educated people, many in science/medicine, who "take covid seriously." But we still go to stores (wearing masks), go to work (wearing masks), and send kids to childcare (wearing masks). We understand that the risk isn't zero, but as healthy youngish people we are all low risk for serious cases of covid to begin with.

Thank you for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids ages 5 and under. In my circles - through the local ES, preschool, my exercise group - everyone went into lockdown in March and very few are creeping back out. I’m a sahm as are most of my friends(?)... I’m the only one I know of whose husband can’t work from home. I’m also the only one without local family or a nanny/Au pair. I’m always alone with my kids. All day every day. I’ve asked to do socially distanced bike rides and picnics and so on and it’s always met with concerns of risk. I’m so over it. We have a group text going and nobody is taking their kids trick or treating... or going to pumpkin patches this year. I just can’t believe that so many people are willing to live like this for this long. I am certainly taking precautions. No crowds. We always wear masks. My kids aren’t in school. But I would love to do outdoor play dates. More for ME than anyone else.
My sisters in New England are taking precautions but life doesn’t seem so restricted. They can’t believe so many of my “friends” are content to stay holed up in their houses for the duration of the pandemic.

This area is @$$ backwards with its fear mongering and shaming. Data doesn’t back them up so they double down on speculations. It’s pathetic.
Our neighborhood next door list service is just people insulting each other for outdoor parties, political signs, attending day care, mowing their lawns at 5pm. DC area is a bunch of self righteous lunatics, half of whom are retired hippies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your friends seem to be taking a very conservative approach toward risk. I'm a PhD scientist married to a doctor. My kids are in pods so I can work, and we go to playgrounds and have met up with many other families outdoors for socially distanced get togethers. The families are all highly educated people, many in science/medicine, who "take covid seriously." But we still go to stores (wearing masks), go to work (wearing masks), and send kids to childcare (wearing masks). We understand that the risk isn't zero, but as healthy youngish people we are all low risk for serious cases of covid to begin with.

+1

The in person schools and daycare have been great for months. Just doesn’t make the mass media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids ages 5 and under. In my circles - through the local ES, preschool, my exercise group - everyone went into lockdown in March and very few are creeping back out. I’m a sahm as are most of my friends(?)... I’m the only one I know of whose husband can’t work from home. I’m also the only one without local family or a nanny/Au pair. I’m always alone with my kids. All day every day. I’ve asked to do socially distanced bike rides and picnics and so on and it’s always met with concerns of risk. I’m so over it. We have a group text going and nobody is taking their kids trick or treating... or going to pumpkin patches this year. I just can’t believe that so many people are willing to live like this for this long. I am certainly taking precautions. No crowds. We always wear masks. My kids aren’t in school. But I would love to do outdoor play dates. More for ME than anyone else.
My sisters in New England are taking precautions but life doesn’t seem so restricted. They can’t believe so many of my “friends” are content to stay holed up in their houses for the duration of the pandemic.

YOU are being inconsiderate to what the other moms are doing for their families. You want to do those activities? Fine! But that doesn't mean that they should PRIORATIZE trick or treating and picnics over their health. You need to respect their choices and move on.

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hope you’re still reading. I didn’t read all 10 pages.

Get out there. Hike. Go to playgrounds. Go to pumpkin patches. Live your life.

You’ll find friends at those places. They’re out there, you just have to find them.

Agree 1000%. Be safe and socially distance and live your life. The activities above are lower risk and this is a great time of year to do them.

Here are some charts that rank risk level of activities to help you decide: https://hartfordhealthcare.org/about-us/news-press/news-detail?articleid=26936&publicId=395

and https://www.texmed.org/TexasMedicineDetail.aspx?id=53977

Take an online exercise class or craft class (and have your husband watch the kids while you do that so you can have some me time).

Schedule virtual coffees or a happy hour with your friends and sister.

Create a social schedule that works for you and your little ones so that you're keeping both your body and spirit healthy.

Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids ages 5 and under. In my circles - through the local ES, preschool, my exercise group - everyone went into lockdown in March and very few are creeping back out. I’m a sahm as are most of my friends(?)... I’m the only one I know of whose husband can’t work from home. I’m also the only one without local family or a nanny/Au pair. I’m always alone with my kids. All day every day. I’ve asked to do socially distanced bike rides and picnics and so on and it’s always met with concerns of risk. I’m so over it. We have a group text going and nobody is taking their kids trick or treating... or going to pumpkin patches this year. I just can’t believe that so many people are willing to live like this for this long. I am certainly taking precautions. No crowds. We always wear masks. My kids aren’t in school. But I would love to do outdoor play dates. More for ME than anyone else.
My sisters in New England are taking precautions but life doesn’t seem so restricted. They can’t believe so many of my “friends” are content to stay holed up in their houses for the duration of the pandemic.

This area is @$$ backwards with its fear mongering and shaming. Data doesn’t back them up so they double down on speculations. It’s pathetic.
Our neighborhood next door list service is just people insulting each other for outdoor parties, political signs, attending day care, mowing their lawns at 5pm. DC area is a bunch of self righteous lunatics, half of whom are retired hippies.

You should double check “the data” and compare between North Dakota and Maryland. You sound pretty self righteous yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm surprised at some of the early responses you've gotten, though I haven't read through all. I don't feel like your friends who have not done any bike rides or outdoor masked playdates are the norm at all.

My mom friends are fairly cautious - but they are still doing outdoor playdates, bike rides, picnics, and even the occasional outdoor drinks. I've definitely shrunk my circle of who I am meeting up with, but the ones I regularly see have a similar if not more restrictive risk tolerance. My husband is a doctor so he has to work out of the home and can and has been exposed, but my friends all know this. Our kids are all pretty great with keeping masks on during play - in the beginning they complained but they adapted fairly quickly.

I know it's easier said than done in the middle of a pandemic, but I think you need to find a new circle of friends who share the same risk tolerance as you.