No children allowed at family members wedding.

[Anonymous]

I would stay home. We like to stick together as a family. All the weddings we've been to have been quite kid-friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can either accept or decline. It's not up to you to decide what is right/appropriate for them. If it's too "tacky" for you, then by all means, send a gift and stay at home. With an attitude like yours, do them a favor and stay away.

They owe nothing--nothing--to anyone else on their special day. They could get married in an igloo or a hot air balloon, with no guests. They could have 500+ guests, including children, to a literal circus. They could have 50 guests in a backyard. They can do whatever they want. It's about them. It's not up to you. Go or don't go.

I mean, sure you can do whatever you want, but this attitude just rubs me the wrong way. A host always owes basic consideration to their guests. That doesn't mean that you have to invite kids or whatever, and you should have the kind of event you want, but giving some thought to the comfort and pleasure of your guests is kind of a minimum.

Well, you do you. I had a big wedding with lots of kids in a place convenient for most of our family/friends, and my sibling had a destination wedding in a beautiful but expensive to reach location and kids weren't encouraged. Both were very nice events, but my sibling's wedding had many fewer guests and my sibling was perfectly fine with that and understood that going in.

[Anonymous]

No kid weddings are my favorite and I have kids. We are fortunate to have both sets of grandparents that are local. If I can't get childcare then either H or I will stay home. No point on both of us missing out. His cousin got married last month and my parents were not available to watch the kids so he flew to the wedding. I totally respected his cousins choice and would never dream of being resentful.

[Anonymous]

We've received many invites like this, and between DH and I we made a policy decision to decline to attend any out-of-town weddings where kids are not welcome. We simply don't even want to waste mental space on figuring out what to do with the kids during that time. I don't begrudge any bride the wedding of her choice but she'll have to enjoy it with other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've received many invites like this, and between DH and I we made a policy decision to decline to attend any out-of-town weddings where kids are not welcome. We simply don't even want to waste mental space on figuring out what to do with the kids during that time. I don't begrudge any bride the wedding of her choice but she'll have to enjoy it with other people.

What about the groom.

Ohhh, wait, that's right! Only people with vaginas are responsible for weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just decline without anger. I got bullied into having kids at my wedding and it was a huge pain and really took over wedding. I think many of the families of kids want the wedding to be a chance to show their kids off etc but it is not their day. Totally get the decline but don’t be snippy seems like it doesn’t work for both sides and that is okay.

"Not their day"? You are one of those "it's my special day" types?

Not me. Our wedding was the joining of two families. No, we had not been married before, and no, we didn't have kids. But we realized that our families would be joined through us, and we wanted to celebrate that.

You're an idiot. People can have different preferences. Both are fine, and at the discretion of the bride and groom.

Ummm. Over-sensitive much? Did I say that they couldn't do it? Nope - just said that my DH and I had a different philosophy.

But I'll escalate, just to upset you more. The people who think that their wedding day is all about them are the ones who plan a wedding and not a marriage. It's one day, not the whole shebang.

NP. Um, then how do you explain people who just go to the justice of the peace by themselves?

People who go to a justice of the peace aren't making some big "look at us!" wedding statement. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just decline without anger. I got bullied into having kids at my wedding and it was a huge pain and really took over wedding. I think many of the families of kids want the wedding to be a chance to show their kids off etc but it is not their day. Totally get the decline but don’t be snippy seems like it doesn’t work for both sides and that is okay.

"Not their day"? You are one of those "it's my special day" types?

Not me. Our wedding was the joining of two families. No, we had not been married before, and no, we didn't have kids. But we realized that our families would be joined through us, and we wanted to celebrate that.

You're an idiot. People can have different preferences. Both are fine, and at the discretion of the bride and groom.

Ummm. Over-sensitive much? Did I say that they couldn't do it? Nope - just said that my DH and I had a different philosophy.

But I'll escalate, just to upset you more. The people who think that their wedding day is all about them are the ones who plan a wedding and not a marriage. It's one day, not the whole shebang.

And families should stick their noses somewhere than on the one day that should be about celebtraing THE COUPLE. There will be plenty of Christmases and Thanksgivings in the future to ruin with your foot stomping and arm crossing.

Is it so hard for you to give up control for one day ... or rather something like 8 hours so someone can celebrate their union in the way they want? Their wedding has nothing to do with you, if you are not looking to go there and actually celebrate it.

Who are you talking to? Me? I am not the OP. I am not throwing a tantrum about anyone else's wedding.

Geez. I mean, I said that you are over-sensitive, but this borders on paranoid delusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've received many invites like this, and between DH and I we made a policy decision to decline to attend any out-of-town weddings where kids are not welcome. We simply don't even want to waste mental space on figuring out what to do with the kids during that time. I don't begrudge any bride the wedding of her choice but she'll have to enjoy it with other people.

What about the groom.

Ohhh, wait, that's right! Only people with vaginas are responsible for weddings.

YES! Thank you! What's with all the blaming of the brides? Pretty sure my DH and his friends are the ones who love kid free nights more than anyone.

And to all you people who bring your kids, do you realize the expense for the bride and groom? My kid's meals were $85 a plate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just decline without anger. I got bullied into having kids at my wedding and it was a huge pain and really took over wedding. I think many of the families of kids want the wedding to be a chance to show their kids off etc but it is not their day. Totally get the decline but don’t be snippy seems like it doesn’t work for both sides and that is okay.

"Not their day"? You are one of those "it's my special day" types?

Not me. Our wedding was the joining of two families. No, we had not been married before, and no, we didn't have kids. But we realized that our families would be joined through us, and we wanted to celebrate that.

You're an idiot. People can have different preferences. Both are fine, and at the discretion of the bride and groom.

Ummm. Over-sensitive much? Did I say that they couldn't do it? Nope - just said that my DH and I had a different philosophy.

But I'll escalate, just to upset you more. The people who think that their wedding day is all about them are the ones who plan a wedding and not a marriage. It's one day, not the whole shebang.

NP. Um, then how do you explain people who just go to the justice of the peace by themselves?

People who go to a justice of the peace aren't making some big "look at us!" wedding statement. Duh.

Anyone can accuse anyone of being "look at me." Are you married, PP? Did you have a white dress? LOOK AT ME! Did you have a first dance at your reception? LOOK AT ME! Did you have a wedding website? LOOK AT ME! Photos? LOOK AT ME!

See how that works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just decline without anger. I got bullied into having kids at my wedding and it was a huge pain and really took over wedding. I think many of the families of kids want the wedding to be a chance to show their kids off etc but it is not their day. Totally get the decline but don’t be snippy seems like it doesn’t work for both sides and that is okay.

"Not their day"? You are one of those "it's my special day" types?

Not me. Our wedding was the joining of two families. No, we had not been married before, and no, we didn't have kids. But we realized that our families would be joined through us, and we wanted to celebrate that.

You're an idiot. People can have different preferences. Both are fine, and at the discretion of the bride and groom.

Ummm. Over-sensitive much? Did I say that they couldn't do it? Nope - just said that my DH and I had a different philosophy.

But I'll escalate, just to upset you more. The people who think that their wedding day is all about them are the ones who plan a wedding and not a marriage. It's one day, not the whole shebang.

And families should stick their noses somewhere than on the one day that should be about celebtraing THE COUPLE. There will be plenty of Christmases and Thanksgivings in the future to ruin with your foot stomping and arm crossing.

Is it so hard for you to give up control for one day ... or rather something like 8 hours so someone can celebrate their union in the way they want? Their wedding has nothing to do with you, if you are not looking to go there and actually celebrate it.

Who are you talking to? Me? I am not the OP. I am not throwing a tantrum about anyone else's wedding.

Geez. I mean, I said that you are over-sensitive, but this borders on paranoid delusion.

You’re hilarious. You’re so busy arguing and being right that you can neither follow the bouncing ball, bolded posts, or realize there is more than one poster. So no, you didn’t call me over sensitive.

[Anonymous]

OP - have you ever planned a wedding? First of all, a person is person when counting for catering costs. I recently had a "no kids" wedding, but made exceptions for my niece/nephew and younger brothers who were in the ceremony, and I had to FIGHT with the caterer to get them out of the head count for the bar fees (they aren't 21 - how are you going to charge me for them drinking?!) So at a bare minimum, your kids are costing the couple money in addition to likely being a nuisance (to the couple, to other guests, to their own parents).

And hate to say it, but if you're not part of the "exception," you're not important enough to the couple to be there if you chose not to attend. So it's your call - the couple is going to enjoy the wedding they want either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - have you ever planned a wedding? First of all, a person is person when counting for catering costs. I recently had a "no kids" wedding, but made exceptions for my niece/nephew and younger brothers who were in the ceremony, and I had to FIGHT with the caterer to get them out of the head count for the bar fees (they aren't 21 - how are you going to charge me for them drinking?!) So at a bare minimum, your kids are costing the couple money in addition to likely being a nuisance (to the couple, to other guests, to their own parents).

And hate to say it, but if you're not part of the "exception," you're not important enough to the couple to be there if you chose not to attend. So it's your call - the couple is going to enjoy the wedding they want either way.

Ugh. This whole wedding thing is so ugly. Why even invite people who you deem "not important enough" in any way? What's next, sell tickets to your wedding? Blah.

[Anonymous]

Just one thing to think about for those who are against kids at weddings. I grew up in a time and a place where weddings were seen as family events and kids were just naturally invited.

I went to the weddings of many older cousins while I was a child. Now that I am an adult, it adds something to my relationship with those cousins when we all reminisce sometimes and I can share my own recollections of their weddings from a child's point of view.

Lately, the older generation is beginning to die, and when people bring out family pictures to display at memorial services, there is the whole family, children and all, all dressed beautifully for a family wedding.

I just think that sometimes it is worth it to take the longer view of family instead of thinking of a wedding as just about a big party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just one thing to think about for those who are against kids at weddings. I grew up in a time and a place where weddings were seen as family events and kids were just naturally invited.

I went to the weddings of many older cousins while I was a child. Now that I am an adult, it adds something to my relationship with those cousins when we all reminisce sometimes and I can share my own recollections of their weddings from a child's point of view.

Lately, the older generation is beginning to die, and when people bring out family pictures to display at memorial services, there is the whole family, children and all, all dressed beautifully for a family wedding.

I just think that sometimes it is worth it to take the longer view of family instead of thinking of a wedding as just about a big party.

I agree but we’re not re-planning OP’s family member’s wedding. OP can go or not go, but shouldn’t go if she’s going to feel resentful the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just one thing to think about for those who are against kids at weddings. I grew up in a time and a place where weddings were seen as family events and kids were just naturally invited.

I went to the weddings of many older cousins while I was a child. Now that I am an adult, it adds something to my relationship with those cousins when we all reminisce sometimes and I can share my own recollections of their weddings from a child's point of view.

Lately, the older generation is beginning to die, and when people bring out family pictures to display at memorial services, there is the whole family, children and all, all dressed beautifully for a family wedding.

I just think that sometimes it is worth it to take the longer view of family instead of thinking of a wedding as just about a big party.

OK. No one here is asking, "Should I invite kids to my wedding, or not?" All of our feelings on that subject are irrelevant. The relevant point here is that OP and her husband have been issued an invitation, which they are free to accept or decline. That's it. They can promptly respond yes or no, their choice. All this other fodder is just not relevant to what's going on with this OP in this scenario.

Sounds like OP doesn't want to go without her kids. Cool! Check the "sends regrets" box and move on with your life.