Forum Index
»
Private & Independent Schools
Can't commit. Tuition is scary.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| PP again: I totally agree with the assessment that certain NE prep schools carry status (Exeter, Andover) that day schools don't have. Maybe it's because in later life you can mention "boarding school" in a way you can't refer to "my private high school." (Mentioning an old "high school roommate" for example ). When I arrived at my Ivy League college, it was clear that the large group of kids from Exter and Andover had a social advantage (for one, they already knew 15-20 other kids in the class). I met a kid from Maret and a kid from GDS, but I'm not from the DC area and the school names meant nothing to me (nor did anybody else seem impressed). Sidwell carried a little status because of Chelsea, but the Sidwell kids I knew could've gone to BCC HS. Perfectly nice kids, but no glamour or intrigue attached to them. |
Anonymous
Oh god, who cares. Get over it. I don't even know why you can remember this sort of stuff. I nearly married someone from one of those NE schools and I really never found any of it memorable. |
Anonymous
|
I did marry someone from one of the well-regarded NE boarding schools. He did go on to an Ivy. And while his Ivy college degrees certainly DID open doors for him, the Ivy + the elite boarding school opened even more. I can't tell you how many people have said, "Wow, you went to X boarding school and then to Y Ivy?" More than once I have witnessed him at a work-related event where the conversation somehow ended up at education and once people heard the combo they suddenly seemed more interested. Cards were definitely passed back and forth. And call he did get (job offers, contacts, etc.).
Now, having said ALL of that... he loved his Ivy but HATED his boarding school. He would never send his kids away to school. He hated the whole thing - being away from family and feeling like he was farmed out; feeling like he had to "grow up faster" by living away from home; dealing with kids who were into things that were WAY over his emotional level to deal with (e.g., a roommate who was heavily into drugs + very popular). So, sure... it got him places... but he thinks at a cost. |
Anonymous
Well, good for you. But this is relevant to the q of what benefits you and your kids might derive from private DC day schools. |
Anonymous
|
I hope to god that in 20-30-35 years my kids won't be obsessing about which kids hung out with which kids at their Ivy League schools! And telling other moms about how relevant it is!!!
|
Anonymous
In defense of the poster who mentioned the Exeter/Andover kids hung out with each other at college, it really didn't seem like she was obsessing about it. She just made an observation. Don't you remember your college/high school days and the different cliques in those high schools? I do, but I hardly obsess about them. |
Anonymous
| Our daughter attends a so-called big 3 because she is developing fourteen year friendships, some of which may continue throughout her life. Our local public school has great academics, but five kindergarten classrooms. Only three of my niece's kindergarten classmates at that school were in her first grade classroom. Neither she nor her mom were happy about that. Then in second grade . . . well, you get the point. For that reason, we found it significant that the upper schools at our local independents have classes that are less than 20% the size of our local public high school’s. It was important to us that our independent day school offered significantly more continuity and community. If you view that as insular, you should feel no guilt in picking a public (although our public is pretty insular too). If you don't like a particular independent school’s culture, avoid it like the plague. But, if your child might like that type of stability, might find it a more fulfilling way to spend fourteen years, think about independents. When we first considered applying to independents, we evaluated what kind of a fourteen year journey various independent schools offered our daughter and whether any of them might give her happier life experiences than her public schools would. I think that's a great reason to consider independent schools. We did not speculate whether a big 3 might marginally increase her prospects of being admitted to an Ivy. If you want to maximize a smart unlinked kid's prospect of Ivy admission, move to rural Arkansas. A wealth of scholarly work documents that. Parenthetically, I question the categorical conclusion that attending a big 3 doesn't have the cachet of attending an Exeter. It may among much of the professional class in Washington. Conversely, if your child moves to Cedar Rapids, neither type of school would probably matter much to people there. And it is my sense that merely attending an elite boarding school doesn't often open whatever doors of wealth and fame that some of these posts seem to be envision that might. My friends here, who attended St. Paul's, Andover, and Deerfield, live lives that mirror my upper middle class life style (I am a product of public schools). They say that by and large the students at those schools whose social connections transcended mere schooling were the ones that had a wealth of opportunities that most of us don’t. I suspect that's because there are fewer doors for that tiny segment - not that an elite boarding school admission letter caused mythical doors to open. This may be why many of the posts here mention those presumed opportunities in vague terms. |
Anonymous
| I'm still chuckling over the name "Hockaday" .... |
Anonymous
Just remember, you are probably passing along your insecurities to your children. |
Anonymous
I don't necessarily have a problem with people choosing private over public if they have a good reason. (in fact my dd will attend private school this fall) What bothers me is when people choose private because they're afraid of their children being exposed to different people (which is also why some people choose public schools in elite neighborhoods). I grew up in a small White well-to-do town and was afraid of big cities and poor and working class people (of any color) and Black people in particular. It wasn't until I moved into a low-income Black neighborhood in DC six years ago that I realized how brainwashed I had been. It was a great neighborhood with lots of warm and friendly people in it -- and yes, crime but not near the level and type I had expected -- and, frankly, little of it was aimed at me. (A great deal of it is between people who know each other.) I also learned that some of the scariest looking people in my neighborhood were actually the nicest. It made me realize how little of DC I had actually seen (and enjoyed) because I was afraid to go east of the park. Now I've been all over the place in all 8 wards and been around all kinds of people. It's very liberating! Many of the people referenced in the quote above can get away with it because they don't have to interact with the rest of the world. They will never have to go to Ward 8 for anything. But the majority are crippled by their fear of the poor. My goal for my dd is that she not grow up with that fear. So use private school because of the positive things it can offer, but don't use it as a way to wall out the rest of the world. |
Anonymous
|
Anonymous
| I totally agree with 13:13. Both my husband and I went to public schools in tiny towns. While we did not get the most rigorous academic schooling, to put it mildly, we did develop close friendships and ties to our communities because we knew and grew and learned with/from the same group of kids through the entire 13 years of schooling. I was shocked to learn that so many of my professional friends who grew up in the DC area knew only a handful of people in their graduating senior high school class. For some kids, this could be viewed as a good thing that let's them develop flexibility and social skills, independence, and so forth. But other children really benefit from the greater continuity and closer communities fostered at independent schools. It is pretty difficult to determine which type of child you have when they are 3 (during the JK application timeframe), so we chose small community on his behalf! There are many reasons to love independent schools, but a feeling of community and shared path of discovery is an important one. Carefully selecting a school that values multiculturalism and diversity is important to avoid "narrow/insular" views, of course. |
Anonymous
Ewww... I'm happy to steer clear of those echelons, thanks.... and plan to steer my kids clear of 'em too. With respect, this is what made me turn down offers of admission at a very fancy DC private school... we're staying public. We like that echelon of society better. |
Anonymous
Ha ha... my spouse came from the New Canaan/Exeter/Harvard world... and all he got was this lousy t-shirt. And a bungalow in Rosemont. And me, of course. (Another proud & successful public school product!) |
Anonymous
That is funny.  I have to say that your spouse did get you, as you mentioned. And I'm sure you both think that is one of the greatest successes.
My post isn't specifically directed at you...but more in general. It's important to not think of "what you get" in terms of material things. There are countless intangibles that have everything to do with the experience as a whole and how those experiences help to shape individuals. Success does not equal big house in a fancy neighborhood with a high powered, high paying career. |