Can't commit. Tuition is scary.

[Anonymous]

Well, that is a very good questions and kindly asked so, thank you for not flaming me. I just thought, after reading this thread for weeks, that someone with the other viewpoint should speak up. Unfortunately the answer isn't pretty. The truth is that there are some echelons of society in this world that are much more accessible to people who went to good private schools (the good part is important). I have seen it so many times. I do not think that is going away anytime soon. It just opens doors, doors that are resistant to those who went to public schools, even the best ones like Langley and Whitman and Higland Park (Dallas, TX) and Greenwich. It nevers hurts you to have gone to a good private school. There is no drawback that I am aware of all else being equal (note:highschool can, of course be awful for some regardless but, for those, its probably going to be awful regardless of where you go. College is usually where those people blossom and private helps with that, too). So, why do I care when I know its not a pretty answer? Well, I grew up in that world, its the world I am comfortable in, and its the world I want my children to be comfortable in even if they don't choose it in the end. Its really the hardest world to get "in" to so, if you think your child may want an open invitation to that world one day, then, write that check and be grateful s/he got into a good private school. It will pay off one way or the other. I just can not imagine getting your child in to a great Washington DC area private school and then turning it down. However, that is me and I do recognize and appreciate that everyone is different and has different values and desires. I just thought the other viewpoint needed to be voiced on this thread since the OP asked...


It is very important for anyone to be very self-aware/conscious/comfortable with the reasons why you are choosing that option. I appreciate the poster's honesty about private schools being a social network (in reality, both for the children and the parents). Many people are choosing private schools for this reason but are not honest enough to admit it. They will do whatever to get their children in, but insist that it's because they are looking for a better education.

Private schools do not always offer a better education than some good or great public schools. For one thing, children who have been only exposed to the upper echelon of society (no matter how much all of the private schools profess to embrace diversity, etc. it is pretty upper crusted) may be missing out on some truly important lessons in life - empathy, social awareness, etc. In real life, being comfortable in the social circuit may not bring more success or true happiness to the wealthy, upper class people. In fact, a sense of entitlement may be rather detrimental for them.

Like I said earlier, your honesty is appreciated and you will find many kindred spirits in the private schools. Over time, you may change your mind about that or your child may not get in to any private schools. At that point, the public schools may still be willing to take you!

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. I'm from a very wealthy town in southern CT (Darien). Can PP elaborate further on which "doors" automatically will be opened for my child through private schools?

I certainly know it's not the best country clubs, because those are filled with wealthy people from mediocre schools, or city clubs for that matter. Or any jobs - if a smart public school kid goes to a great university, any job will be open to him. Or social circles in general - it's not too hard to go to fundraisers and get your photo plastered all over the place (if that's the type of person you are).

I'm not trying to flame you, but I'm really curious. I have never found a door shut to me - but perhaps I'm really naive. I have a lot of friends who went to prep schools in the Northeast, and I think THEY might find your post humorous.

[Anonymous]

To the PP: excellent post!

I came from a nowhere town to attend Harvard, which I expected to be filled with the creme de la creme of society. To say that I was intimidated when I enrolled is to put it mildly. While there certainly were a large number of trust fund babies with a blue blood background, they were outnumbered by people like me. Smart, hard-working, and from a wide variety of backgrounds. And, I've found that this is true at the clubs, the top firms, etc.

America is a meritocracy. Let your child find his way. If you, as a parent, want to network and socialize with other climbers, then use the annual $25K to join one of the best clubs in town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the PP: excellent post!

I came from a nowhere town to attend Harvard, which I expected to be filled with the creme de la creme of society. To say that I was intimidated when I enrolled is to put it mildly. While there certainly were a large number of trust fund babies with a blue blood background, they were outnumbered by people like me. Smart, hard-working, and from a wide variety of backgrounds. And, I've found that this is true at the clubs, the top firms, etc.

America is a meritocracy. Let your child find his way. If you, as a parent, want to network and socialize with other climbers, then use the annual $25K to join one of the best clubs in town.

FWIW I would agree that going to the major NE prepschools (Andover, Exeter, St. Pauls etc) will open a bunch of doors, but I really don't think it's the same for private day schools. At Yale at least while the prepschool kids definitely stuck together, the kids from "fancy" private day schools were not automatically a part of that world and not noticalby more so than kids from good public schools..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the PP: excellent post!

I came from a nowhere town to attend Harvard, which I expected to be filled with the creme de la creme of society. To say that I was intimidated when I enrolled is to put it mildly. While there certainly were a large number of trust fund babies with a blue blood background, they were outnumbered by people like me. Smart, hard-working, and from a wide variety of backgrounds. And, I've found that this is true at the clubs, the top firms, etc.

America is a meritocracy. Let your child find his way. If you, as a parent, want to network and socialize with other climbers, then use the annual $25K to join one of the best clubs in town.

FWIW I would agree that going to the major NE prepschools (Andover, Exeter, St. Pauls etc) will open a bunch of doors, but I really don't think it's the same for private day schools. At Yale at least while the prepschool kids definitely stuck together, the kids from "fancy" private day schools were not automatically a part of that world and not noticalby more so than kids from good public schools..

sorry, noticeably

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the PP: excellent post!

I came from a nowhere town to attend Harvard, which I expected to be filled with the creme de la creme of society. To say that I was intimidated when I enrolled is to put it mildly. While there certainly were a large number of trust fund babies with a blue blood background, they were outnumbered by people like me. Smart, hard-working, and from a wide variety of backgrounds. And, I've found that this is true at the clubs, the top firms, etc.

America is a meritocracy. Let your child find his way. If you, as a parent, want to network and socialize with other climbers, then use the annual $25K to join one of the best clubs in town.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

America is a meritocracy. . . . Somewhat. George W. Bush did not attend Andover, Yale, and Harvard on merit. He was not elected to the governorship of Texas or the presidency on merit. Patrick Kennedy was not elected to Congress on merit.

However, I agree that most private day schools aren't sure tickets to the ruling class. Not to the extent that the top northeastern boarding schools are (as another PP noted). The original poster who mentioned this was probably talking about Hockaday vs. Highland Park and I get that, being from Texas, but I also don't think a school like Hockaday compares to one like Andover. Unless, of course, you're living in Texas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:America is a meritocracy. . . . Somewhat. George W. Bush did not attend Andover, Yale, and Harvard on merit. He was not elected to the governorship of Texas or the presidency on merit. Patrick Kennedy was not elected to Congress on merit.

However, I agree that most private day schools aren't sure tickets to the ruling class. Not to the extent that the top northeastern boarding schools are (as another PP noted). The original poster who mentioned this was probably talking about Hockaday vs. Highland Park and I get that, being from Texas, but I also don't think a school like Hockaday compares to one like Andover. Unless, of course, you're living in Texas.

Hockaday?????

Yep, I'm sure that's not going to open any doors for you in NYC or southern CT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the PP: excellent post!

I came from a nowhere town to attend Harvard, which I expected to be filled with the creme de la creme of society. To say that I was intimidated when I enrolled is to put it mildly. While there certainly were a large number of trust fund babies with a blue blood background, they were outnumbered by people like me. Smart, hard-working, and from a wide variety of backgrounds. And, I've found that this is true at the clubs, the top firms, etc.

True. But that is irrelevant since going to a DC day school will not by itself turn anyone into a trust fund baby with a blue blood background.

But even looking at it more broadly, this is not help decide where to educate your child.

Even if 99% of the folks at top firms etc are from public schools, it says nothing about the probability of your public school educated child making it to one of those positions. And even if 99% of the folks in top firms etc. are from public schools it does not mean that private school education (if it actually teaches them to be confident, think hard and work hard) won't increase your particular child's chance of getting there, and be a good value. It all depends on how well equipped your child is relative to the competition, and whether a particular school can add value in those dimensions. And you can't tell either of those by looking at broad aggregates.

[Anonymous]

Many of the people that I know that are in that special elitist world (Andover, Darien, etc.) live incredibly narrow lives. Their lives revolve around other people who look exactly like them, go to the same club, summer in the same places, have the same views, etc. Anyone who is different may be tolerated, but not allowed in. Is such a life "better" than one involving meaningful interaction with people reflecting a wide variety of views, interests, and backgrounds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of the people that I know that are in that special elitist world (Andover, Darien, etc.) live incredibly narrow lives. Their lives revolve around other people who look exactly like them, go to the same club, summer in the same places, have the same views, etc. Anyone who is different may be tolerated, but not allowed in. Is such a life "better" than one involving meaningful interaction with people reflecting a wide variety of views, interests, and backgrounds?

To them it is. See 17:06.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of the people that I know that are in that special elitist world (Andover, Darien, etc.) live incredibly narrow lives. Their lives revolve around other people who look exactly like them, go to the same club, summer in the same places, have the same views, etc. Anyone who is different may be tolerated, but not allowed in. Is such a life "better" than one involving meaningful interaction with people reflecting a wide variety of views, interests, and backgrounds?

I'm the poster from Darien. I'm not sure if you read my post very closely.

First, I'm the product of public schools.
Second, I'm the person who questioned exactly which doors are shut to people who don't go to private schools - it seems to be the prevailing belief on this board, and I don't believe it's true.
Lastly, I lived in the Bronx for fourteen years before moving to Darien. I'm happy to post more about my diverse background, but I don't want to bore everyone.

Most people who are from Darien are privileged, but it's a large town with more diversity than you might think (economic, religous, and ethnic). It's WAY more diverse than Georgetown where I live now. So, while I understand what you're saying, I don't think it's relevant to my post at all. I only pointed out where I came from because I wanted to make a point that not everyone attends private school - and more than that, I wanted to know which "doors" wouldn't be open to very bright people who attend good public schools.

[Anonymous]

I am a black woman who completed by elementary education in a another country, went to a state college and then found myself at Harvard Law School. While there and after I noticed the kind of access that named schools provide to people who are not otherwise priviledged (that is, white and/or wealthy). Now, I am not saying that paying $30k a year for K -12 will make a difference in the "doors" that will be open for my child, but I truly beleive that an IVY degree does and if a good private K-12 school (note that I do not think that is school is good just becasue its private) will make it easier to get into an IVY then to me it worth every penny. The question of whether private K -12 = Harvard/Yale is the issue that my husband and I will be discussing over the next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a black woman who completed by elementary education in a another country, went to a state college and then found myself at Harvard Law School. While there and after I noticed the kind of access that named schools provide to people who are not otherwise priviledged (that is, white and/or wealthy). Now, I am not saying that paying $30k a year for K -12 will make a difference in the "doors" that will be open for my child, but I truly beleive that an IVY degree does and if a good private K-12 school (note that I do not think that is school is good just becasue its private) will make it easier to get into an IVY then to me it worth every penny. The question of whether private K -12 = Harvard/Yale is the issue that my husband and I will be discussing over the next year.

I don't think it's going to help a bit, unless your child is very bright - or if you happen to contribute to your alum fund every year.

[Anonymous]

I loved the "Andover, Darien" parenthetical. My spouse comes out of Andover + NYC + Darien world, and I'd love to know what "doors" it has opened for him, other than the door to our small and unglamorous mini-colonial which he shares with me, a product of public schools.