If you SAH or work very part time…

[Anonymous]

Happy to turn on the machine or switch from washer to dryer, but he has to sort, fold, put away. I SAH to provide child care and do many things for the family while I’m also caring for the kids, but that doesn’t mean he can do nothing at home, the bare minimum is taking care of his own stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really gross the way so many of you reduce women to the household labor they supply.

Women have been reduced to their pu$$ies by the incoming president and their ability to bear children by the incoming VP. We heard yesterday women shouldn’t be in the military. Also yesterday a billionaire said we need more “masculine energy.” Society is awash in this messaging (pun intended because it’s better than crying). It’s no surprise this couple is fighting about laundry because it’s political (and even concerns the environment and natural resources).

Prepare for it to get worse before it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really gross the way so many of you reduce women to the household labor they supply.

It's not a woman thing. I'm the wife and when my DH was unemployed and slowly looking you'd better believe I expected him to step up to the plate with household responsibilities. I'm working 70 hrs a week to keep us afloat, we no longer have cleaners, it's irresponsible to order out too much, etc. Not that I did NOTHING, but if I came home after 2 hrs commute and he thought it was time for me to do laundry and dishes that would have been totally unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy to turn on the machine or switch from washer to dryer, but he has to sort, fold, put away. I SAH to provide child care and do many things for the family while I’m also caring for the kids, but that doesn’t mean he can do nothing at home, the bare minimum is taking care of his own stuff.

Once your kids are all school aged that’s just lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really gross the way so many of you reduce women to the household labor they supply.

It's not a woman thing. I'm the wife and when my DH was unemployed and slowly looking you'd better believe I expected him to step up to the plate with household responsibilities. I'm working 70 hrs a week to keep us afloat, we no longer have cleaners, it's irresponsible to order out too much, etc. Not that I did NOTHING, but if I came home after 2 hrs commute and he thought it was time for me to do laundry and dishes that would have been totally unacceptable.

I totally agree with this. How hard is it to turn on the washing machine, put it in the dryer and fold clothes. When DH was a SAHD, I fully expected him to do the laundry. Neither of us ever questioned it or saw it as an issue. I would have been shocked to come home and see my washing not done while he did his and the kids.

[Anonymous]

We had a communal laundry basket so everyone's laundry was commingled.
OP's husband is excessive in his waste. That's a lot of water and detergent he's going through. I'd separate his stuff out too given these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

I mean he is paying for your upkeep so you should do his laundry, that’s clear as day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really gross the way so many of you reduce women to the household labor they supply.

If women like you don’t want to be reduced to the household labor then maybe they should get a job once kids are grown up. Doing household chores is in the SAHM job description, why would someone support and provide for a fully grown adult if the said adult can’t even manage the house?

This seems like such an odd way to see your spouse or anyone you love.

Do you really feel like you have no meaning or purpose in your existence outside of your job? Or that there is no reason anyone could love or care for anyone else other than for what they get out of it for themselves?
My mother-in-law is living with us right now while she is going through chemotherapy for breast cancer. I can’t even imagine my husband saying this stuff to her, asking her why we should support her or let her live in our house if she isn’t cooking for all of us and doing his laundry.
In fact, he tries to do things for her to make her life better because he loves her.

You think a man should expect the same of his young healthy wife as his sick elderly mother?

No. That’s not what I said. That would be an unfair division of labor in a household. But we weren’t talking about fairness. We were talking about whether or not women have any intrinsic value as human beings outside of the work they can do for their husbands. Either in the form of chores or providing an income. You say that they don’t. I think they do.

The sick, elderly mother can’t work and can’t manage a household. Why would you support or provide for her? What’s her purpose? Why not just kill her off?

[Anonymous]

Ha!

My husband knows that if he wants to have sex with me he needs to wash his own dirty underwear.

If I have to smell stinky gym shorts and touch sweaty boxers, those are the images that are going to be running through my head when he tries to touch me at night.

That’s really the bare minimum for keeping the mystery alive. I’m not his mommy. That said, I don’t mind doing errands like picking up dry cleaning, but I don’t think that’s what you meant by laundry.

(And I’m also teaching my own children to do their own laundry as they get older. They’ll definitely be fully responsible for it in high school, so it’s a matter of values and privacy.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work FT, make more than DH, and I do at least 90% of the laundry. No ironing though, he's on his own for that.

Man, you’re losing at life and you’ve convinced yourself this is a flex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy to turn on the machine or switch from washer to dryer, but he has to sort, fold, put away. I SAH to provide child care and do many things for the family while I’m also caring for the kids, but that doesn’t mean he can do nothing at home, the bare minimum is taking care of his own stuff.

This is so weird to me. Kids are either in school or the age to still have an afternoon nap. To stay home and not do laundry seems so lazy. I would need chores to fill my time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really gross the way so many of you reduce women to the household labor they supply.

If women like you don’t want to be reduced to the household labor then maybe they should get a job once kids are grown up. Doing household chores is in the SAHM job description, why would someone support and provide for a fully grown adult if the said adult can’t even manage the house?

This seems like such an odd way to see your spouse or anyone you love.

Do you really feel like you have no meaning or purpose in your existence outside of your job? Or that there is no reason anyone could love or care for anyone else other than for what they get out of it for themselves?
My mother-in-law is living with us right now while she is going through chemotherapy for breast cancer. I can’t even imagine my husband saying this stuff to her, asking her why we should support her or let her live in our house if she isn’t cooking for all of us and doing his laundry.
In fact, he tries to do things for her to make her life better because he loves her.

You think a man should expect the same of his young healthy wife as his sick elderly mother?

No. That’s not what I said. That would be an unfair division of labor in a household. But we weren’t talking about fairness. We were talking about whether or not women have any intrinsic value as human beings outside of the work they can do for their husbands. Either in the form of chores or providing an income. You say that they don’t. I think they do.

The sick, elderly mother can’t work and can’t manage a household. Why would you support or provide for her? What’s her purpose? Why not just kill her off?

Good luck lady

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really gross the way so many of you reduce women to the household labor they supply.

It's not a woman thing. I'm the wife and when my DH was unemployed and slowly looking you'd better believe I expected him to step up to the plate with household responsibilities. I'm working 70 hrs a week to keep us afloat, we no longer have cleaners, it's irresponsible to order out too much, etc. Not that I did NOTHING, but if I came home after 2 hrs commute and he thought it was time for me to do laundry and dishes that would have been totally unacceptable.

I totally agree with this. How hard is it to turn on the washing machine, put it in the dryer and fold clothes. When DH was a SAHD, I fully expected him to do the laundry. Neither of us ever questioned it or saw it as an issue. I would have been shocked to come home and see my washing not done while he did his and the kids.

OP here. I guess the fact that it’s pretty easy is the reason I think it makes sense for him to have this chore.
It’s not time specific, doesn’t have to be done daily, and is not that hard. I don’t ask him to cook or mow the lawn or do dishes or run errands or drive the kids to their stuff. He has most weekends off plus occasional days during the week, and I do my best to make sure the washer is empty and available on those days.

This seems like a totally reasonable thing for me to ask him to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really gross the way so many of you reduce women to the household labor they supply.

If women like you don’t want to be reduced to the household labor then maybe they should get a job once kids are grown up. Doing household chores is in the SAHM job description, why would someone support and provide for a fully grown adult if the said adult can’t even manage the house?

This seems like such an odd way to see your spouse or anyone you love.

Do you really feel like you have no meaning or purpose in your existence outside of your job? Or that there is no reason anyone could love or care for anyone else other than for what they get out of it for themselves?
My mother-in-law is living with us right now while she is going through chemotherapy for breast cancer. I can’t even imagine my husband saying this stuff to her, asking her why we should support her or let her live in our house if she isn’t cooking for all of us and doing his laundry.
In fact, he tries to do things for her to make her life better because he loves her.

You think a man should expect the same of his young healthy wife as his sick elderly mother?

No. That’s not what I said. That would be an unfair division of labor in a household. But we weren’t talking about fairness. We were talking about whether or not women have any intrinsic value as human beings outside of the work they can do for their husbands. Either in the form of chores or providing an income. You say that they don’t. I think they do.

The sick, elderly mother can’t work and can’t manage a household. Why would you support or provide for her? What’s her purpose? Why not just kill her off?

Good luck lady

lol. I don’t think there is any convincing that guy. I’m glad I don’t know him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Happy to turn on the machine or switch from washer to dryer, but he has to sort, fold, put away. I SAH to provide child care and do many things for the family while I’m also caring for the kids, but that doesn’t mean he can do nothing at home, the bare minimum is taking care of his own stuff.

This is so weird to me. Kids are either in school or the age to still have an afternoon nap. To stay home and not do laundry seems so lazy. I would need chores to fill my time.

If she has three kids and does the communal stuff, she still does five times as much laundry as she is asking her husband to do. It’s not like she’s not doing any laundry.
There are also other chores besides laundry.
I’m sure that pp does plenty of chores.