Mother's Day Venting Starts Now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They forgot! They want to make cars for you because they care. Sulking and saying it’s too late is silly. Be gracious.

That’s sooo my late mother. She wouldn’t let go of the initial misstep (yelling about tbe shorts) and was dead set on making the day miserable for everyone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day: I know it’s so basic but I want to go to brunch. This was on Thursday. Everyone knows that brunch books out 4-6 weeks before Mother’s Day. He googled and sheepishly said “everyone’s booked.”

Yeah I know.

It really is so basic and unenjoyable . Ladies please stop making these overpriced tense stressful brunches a thing. Boo!

[Anonymous]

Sorry I meant the poster who said too late!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband got soooo close and fumbled the ball. I was traveling for work last week so I expected nothing beyond a "happy mother's day" because it's unreasonable to ask him to plan more stuff while solo parenting. He got some kind of potted plant that was on the table when I got home Friday, which was nice. He said he hadn't gotten the kids to make cards and I said that's OK, he had enough on his plate.

Then this morning they all just...forgot. I said multiple times "hey guys we have to call Grandma to say happy mother's day before church," "get ready to call Grandma for mother's day now," etc., and not one of them made the connection. Literally just listen to the words I'm saying, think "oh it's mother's day?" and say it to me. NOPE. I had to tell my husband to teach his kids that. And I am still sulking that this grown man in his 40s couldn't make that connection. Hope any future DILs I have are cool with skipping mother's day, because that's what my sons are learning.

From you. They are learning that FROM YOU. If they are young enough to need reminding, you remind them. Not passive aggressively, directly. “Hey guys, it’s Mother’s Day. It would make me feel so good to get a card and a special hug. Could you do that for me?”

Yeah I reminded them directly after that. I'm not mad at the kids, they're little. But if you think a grown man who is hearing his wife say "let's call Grandma to say happy mothers day," and whom I'd talked to just two days ago about what i got her for Mother's Day this weekend, shouldn't be expected to make that mental connection...I don't know what to tell you. I really don't.

I know what to tell you, and it’s the same thing any counselor, psychologist or relationship expert would tell you: open your mouth and communicate directly, like a mature adult. Hints and “expecting someone to make the connection” is not mature communication. Grow the hell up and tell him, directly, that while you are disappointed he hasn’t taken the reigns on Mother’s Day so far, there is still time for him to have the kids make cards and to order takeout for dinner.

Or enjoy your martyrdom. Your choice.

I don't think any counselor, psychologist or relationship expert would say it's ok to blame someone for their spouse completely forgetting their birthday or anniversary and not even saying "happy x day." I did tell him directly, both Friday night, and Sunday morning after he forgot. It's the Sunday disappointment itself you seem to be reacting to here. I guess a woman having negative feelings is martyrdom.

[Anonymous]

I am used to the DCUM posts complaining that one’s husband, father of my child didn’t celebrate. I was unprepared for the my friends, my x-husband, my boyfriend didn’t acknowledge Mother’s Day posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I asked for two things, to finalize our vacation plans and to go hiking. Instead I’m sitting home alone while he takes our daughter to buy something ON MOTHER’S DAY .

So what? You get to enjoy some time alone while your daughter buys you a gift. It’s not even noon. There is still plenty of time to do other things.

It seems that people here just want to
Complain about anything. Pp can enjoy her alone time but she rather complain about it. DCUM is full of unhappy people.

I actually feel a lot of empathy for pp. I don’t know that this is the case for her but I think moms end up doing a lot for their families and, even on a day that is supposed to center them to some extent, their wants are ignored.

I don’t see some of these complaints as complaints about the actual day but more as a stark reminder that their families (and mostly DH) are not interested in prioritizing them.

I’m glad my husband actively listens to me and prioritizes my happiness, I do the same for him. I would be disappointed and sad if we didn’t have this kind of relationship.

Tdlr; if today is a reminder that your husband does not listen to you or put care into your relationship, I don’t think you are crazy and ridiculous for being upset

[Anonymous]

My ex H only did stuff for valentines and my birthday before we were married. He really is an AH. OP at least yours asked before Mother’s Day. Not saying he did good, but it could be way worst. He could resent feeling obligated to do anything at all.

For next year, suggest he set a reminder 6 weeks ahead and ask you what you’d like to do then.

[Anonymous]

DH is playing golf right now. Not a vent-the house is quiet and I slept as long as I wanted to. DS and I will join him for 9 holes later then get in the pool while DH cooks dinner. And I will open my Lululemon gifts later. I sent the link to my daughters to buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband got soooo close and fumbled the ball. I was traveling for work last week so I expected nothing beyond a "happy mother's day" because it's unreasonable to ask him to plan more stuff while solo parenting. He got some kind of potted plant that was on the table when I got home Friday, which was nice. He said he hadn't gotten the kids to make cards and I said that's OK, he had enough on his plate.

Then this morning they all just...forgot. I said multiple times "hey guys we have to call Grandma to say happy mother's day before church," "get ready to call Grandma for mother's day now," etc., and not one of them made the connection. Literally just listen to the words I'm saying, think "oh it's mother's day?" and say it to me. NOPE. I had to tell my husband to teach his kids that. And I am still sulking that this grown man in his 40s couldn't make that connection. Hope any future DILs I have are cool with skipping mother's day, because that's what my sons are learning.

From you. They are learning that FROM YOU. If they are young enough to need reminding, you remind them. Not passive aggressively, directly. “Hey guys, it’s Mother’s Day. It would make me feel so good to get a card and a special hug. Could you do that for me?”

Yeah I reminded them directly after that. I'm not mad at the kids, they're little. But if you think a grown man who is hearing his wife say "let's call Grandma to say happy mothers day," and whom I'd talked to just two days ago about what i got her for Mother's Day this weekend, shouldn't be expected to make that mental connection...I don't know what to tell you. I really don't.

I know what to tell you, and it’s the same thing any counselor, psychologist or relationship expert would tell you: open your mouth and communicate directly, like a mature adult. Hints and “expecting someone to make the connection” is not mature communication. Grow the hell up and tell him, directly, that while you are disappointed he hasn’t taken the reigns on Mother’s Day so far, there is still time for him to have the kids make cards and to order takeout for dinner.

Or enjoy your martyrdom. Your choice.

I don't think any counselor, psychologist or relationship expert would say it's ok to blame someone for their spouse completely forgetting their birthday or anniversary and not even saying "happy x day." I did tell him directly, both Friday night, and Sunday morning after he forgot. It's the Sunday disappointment itself you seem to be reacting to here. I guess a woman having negative feelings is martyrdom.

How old are your kids? Don’t duck and weave: how old are your kids? Don’t lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my husband explicitly what I wanted several weeks ago. We also discussed our Father’s Day plans in the same discussion.

I would love for him to intuit that I need to sleep in, want breakfast from this particular bakery, and want it delivered to me in bed before we go to see my sister and her children, then he takes off with our kids to see his mother while I relax with my sister. But it’s really unlikely that he’ll do so and frankly I’m in my 30s and don’t need to settle for some kind of half-assery, so my make my wishes known up front.

I think people are really different on this. I don’t really have any wishes other than that DH think about what might (realistically) make me happy.

Yeah that’s just it. I’m not setting some arbitrary “you think about what will make me happy” metric. He could think for hours and get it wrong. Why set a test when the only person who is impacted by the results is me?

It isn’t a test. He couldn’t think for hours and get it wrong.
If he thought about it for an hour, then he would get it right. Because him thinking about it IS what I want.
There is nothing for me to tell him to do. I can buy my own breakfast from a particular bakery or even have it delivered if I don’t want to get out of bed. No need for a middle man. I want him to think about me. I would rather have something that isn’t my favorite that he genuinely thought about and thought I would like.

Np I get this. It’s the whole nothing for Mother’s Day, mom’s stocking is always empty at Christmas, etc thing that can happen to moms who typically organize and execute holidays and family traditions. And I get that people can buy their own things or plan their own birthdays and all that but it is hard to have a spouse that often doesn’t consider you. I know holidays and special occasions can often highlight this.

Yes. It’s something like this. It doesn’t really bother me the years he’s at work on Mother’s Day. It’s not like I can’t plan my day.
It’s just weird when DH is here and I’m still planning stuff for myself.
Really, I would rather have a set of golf clubs.

[Anonymous]

My kid started being violent to me just because I was not willing to eat the gluten- full carrot cake he bought for me. He knows I’m very sensitive to gluten and I’ve been avoiding sweets for medical reasons. If I eat that cake, I will have a downstream of scary symptoms.
It’s the worst Mother’s Day I ever had.
Pls help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first thing my kid did is yell at me about not being able to find shorts. They realized it was Mother's Day and hadn't done anything so they were running around trying to make and write cards. I told them it's too late.

Son or daughter? Important in this context

one of each and I said it in a joking way, but they are old enough to know there should be advanced planning. For those of that say I'm a bad mom, that's fine, I probably am, as are you. I'm dealing with teens not babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day. I asked for two things, to finalize our vacation plans and to go hiking. Instead I’m sitting home alone while he takes our daughter to buy something ON MOTHER’S DAY .

So what? You get to enjoy some time alone while your daughter buys you a gift. It’s not even noon. There is still plenty of time to do other things.

It seems that people here just want to
Complain about anything. Pp can enjoy her alone time but she rather complain about it. DCUM is full of unhappy people.

I actually feel a lot of empathy for pp. I don’t know that this is the case for her but I think moms end up doing a lot for their families and, even on a day that is supposed to center them to some extent, their wants are ignored.

I don’t see some of these complaints as complaints about the actual day but more as a stark reminder that their families (and mostly DH) are not interested in prioritizing them.

I’m glad my husband actively listens to me and prioritizes my happiness, I do the same for him. I would be disappointed and sad if we didn’t have this kind of relationship.

Tdlr; if today is a reminder that your husband does not listen to you or put care into your relationship, I don’t think you are crazy and ridiculous for being upset

This, thank you!

[Anonymous]

My tween ran away today because he said I was a mean mom and hated me. I’m hoping he’ll return by the evening.

[Anonymous]

I love excuses to shower the people I love with affection. I don't get the "it's a hallmark event" BS about boycotting an opportunity to celebrate my mom. I just learned today that a dear friend lost her husband. Life is short, people! Take every chance you've got to demonstrate your gratitude and love for the people you're lucky to have in your life.

signed, a divorced woman whose ExH refused to celebrate her for any "holidays" at all, including anniversaries, Christmas, birthdays, etc...