Did you get parental help to buy any houses you own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100k gift for DP towards first house.

Proceeds from sale + 350k gift towards 2nd house DP.

In return we gave them 3 grandkids so it was a win-win.

We gave our parents the same and didn’t get that. I think we are in a unique situation with super wealthy parents and absolutely zero help. Also got an athletic scholarship that covered college in full. No help with education, wedding, travel to see them, down payments, grandkids and meanwhile they live in an 8m house. The most we got was $100 towards one of the kids college account lol.

This is similar to my situation though my parents are wealthy but not as wealthy as yours. I didn’t get anything from parents except a good home growing up, a VW Jetta, and both parents paid for our wedding. I went to public schools. I paid, without any help from parents, for my undergrad, grad school, 1st house, 2nd house, 3rd house, 4th house, 5th house, transportation to see my parents, my two kids’ college, my wife’s MBA, our 50 ft Leopard catamaran, all cars after the Jetta, and many other things too long to list here. We grew our net worth to over $15M on our own without any help from parents. I don’t expect anything from them materially. I love that they taught me to be independent. They are good people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are so weird about this.

I know people who will proudly say they didn't get any parental help to buy their home, when their downpayment was funded by a 100k inheritance from a grandparent. I mean, okay, not technically parental help but obviously they didn't save up the downpayment themselves.

I know other people who get super defensive about the help their parents gave them. Why? Like, don't brag about it, but you don't have to be defensive. It is what it is.

But conversely some people DO brag and I don't get that either. Good job having wealthy parents or grandparents? I mean -- grow up.

Some people either save their entire downpayment themselves, or simply do not buy a home because they can't put one together. I do think it's impressive when people are able to buy a home with no boost from family because it can be very hard to save a large sum of money like that when you are still young. Like saving 100k in your 50s might not seem like a big deal, but doing it in your 20s/early 30s, when you are still just starting out in life, can be incredibly hard. Those folks do deserve extra kudos. It's not a moral judgement, it's just like -- wow, good on you, that required some discipline and patience that someone whose parents cut them a check didn't need to have. It's like congratulating someone for running a marathon or becoming fluent in a foreign language. It's impressive. Give them their roses.

You had me until the very end. It's not just "very hard" for some people to save that kind of money in their 20s and 30s -- it's literally impossible no matter how much "discipline and patience" you have unless you have a high paying job. You can't get blood from a stone, so to speak. You have to make a choice on how to get that money in the first place, and generally speaking the higher paying jobs at that age require selling out to The Man.

When I see two kids in their 20s, both working hard but one making far more money than the other by selling out, I'm not any more impressed with the higher earner. That's all I'm saying.

I'm the PP and I hate to break this to you, but my DH and I are not (and have never been) high earners, and we were able to save up 80k towards a down payment on a 500k house that we bought in our early 30s, on our own. We actually saved up 90k but used 10k for our wedding. At the time we made about 130k total -- I made 60k as a public interest lawyer, and he made 70k as a civil engineer. I had law school loans (which ultimately got forgiven because I stayed in public interest). DH's first job out of college paid 40k. We contributed towards 401ks but did not max them out because we wanted money for a house.

I'm not saying everyone should do this or that there is something wrong with you if you don't. But yes, it is possible to save up money for a home purchase, even in an expensive area, even in your 20s/30s, even without being a super high earner. But it requires you to reconceive what it is to be a person that age. We were not going out to bars and brunch every weekend. We didn't travel extensively, we were frugal about clothes, electronics, cars (I didn't even have a car for most of that time). It was hard but the reward was we were able to buy a home when otherwise we would not have been able to because parental assistance was simply never in the cards for us. It's not about morality but it IS about choices. We had friends who would ask us how we'd done it (I think assuming we had hidden parental contributions somewhere) and who simply didn't believe us when we said we just saved. But it's what we did. It's possible.

[Anonymous]

Not directly, but they helped in a million other ways that set us up to be able to buy a home ourselves. College, teaching us about financial management, co- signed my first car loan (I paid it all, but their signature gave me a better rate), etc - all meant that by early 20s DH and I could both just focus on saving for a down payment even before we were married (didn't buy the house until we were married, but had each been saving for years by then).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are so weird about this.

I know people who will proudly say they didn't get any parental help to buy their home, when their downpayment was funded by a 100k inheritance from a grandparent. I mean, okay, not technically parental help but obviously they didn't save up the downpayment themselves.

I know other people who get super defensive about the help their parents gave them. Why? Like, don't brag about it, but you don't have to be defensive. It is what it is.

But conversely some people DO brag and I don't get that either. Good job having wealthy parents or grandparents? I mean -- grow up.

Some people either save their entire downpayment themselves, or simply do not buy a home because they can't put one together. I do think it's impressive when people are able to buy a home with no boost from family because it can be very hard to save a large sum of money like that when you are still young. Like saving 100k in your 50s might not seem like a big deal, but doing it in your 20s/early 30s, when you are still just starting out in life, can be incredibly hard. Those folks do deserve extra kudos. It's not a moral judgement, it's just like -- wow, good on you, that required some discipline and patience that someone whose parents cut them a check didn't need to have. It's like congratulating someone for running a marathon or becoming fluent in a foreign language. It's impressive. Give them their roses.

You had me until the very end. It's not just "very hard" for some people to save that kind of money in their 20s and 30s -- it's literally impossible no matter how much "discipline and patience" you have unless you have a high paying job. You can't get blood from a stone, so to speak. You have to make a choice on how to get that money in the first place, and generally speaking the higher paying jobs at that age require selling out to The Man.

When I see two kids in their 20s, both working hard but one making far more money than the other by selling out, I'm not any more impressed with the higher earner. That's all I'm saying.

I'm the PP and I hate to break this to you, but my DH and I are not (and have never been) high earners, and we were able to save up 80k towards a down payment on a 500k house that we bought in our early 30s, on our own. We actually saved up 90k but used 10k for our wedding. At the time we made about 130k total -- I made 60k as a public interest lawyer, and he made 70k as a civil engineer. I had law school loans (which ultimately got forgiven because I stayed in public interest). DH's first job out of college paid 40k. We contributed towards 401ks but did not max them out because we wanted money for a house.

I'm not saying everyone should do this or that there is something wrong with you if you don't. But yes, it is possible to save up money for a home purchase, even in an expensive area, even in your 20s/30s, even without being a super high earner. But it requires you to reconceive what it is to be a person that age. We were not going out to bars and brunch every weekend. We didn't travel extensively, we were frugal about clothes, electronics, cars (I didn't even have a car for most of that time). It was hard but the reward was we were able to buy a home when otherwise we would not have been able to because parental assistance was simply never in the cards for us. It's not about morality but it IS about choices. We had friends who would ask us how we'd done it (I think assuming we had hidden parental contributions somewhere) and who simply didn't believe us when we said we just saved. But it's what we did. It's possible.

DP
I agree with you, but for context, in what years did these happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are so weird about this.

I know people who will proudly say they didn't get any parental help to buy their home, when their downpayment was funded by a 100k inheritance from a grandparent. I mean, okay, not technically parental help but obviously they didn't save up the downpayment themselves.

I know other people who get super defensive about the help their parents gave them. Why? Like, don't brag about it, but you don't have to be defensive. It is what it is.

But conversely some people DO brag and I don't get that either. Good job having wealthy parents or grandparents? I mean -- grow up.

Some people either save their entire downpayment themselves, or simply do not buy a home because they can't put one together. I do think it's impressive when people are able to buy a home with no boost from family because it can be very hard to save a large sum of money like that when you are still young. Like saving 100k in your 50s might not seem like a big deal, but doing it in your 20s/early 30s, when you are still just starting out in life, can be incredibly hard. Those folks do deserve extra kudos. It's not a moral judgement, it's just like -- wow, good on you, that required some discipline and patience that someone whose parents cut them a check didn't need to have. It's like congratulating someone for running a marathon or becoming fluent in a foreign language. It's impressive. Give them their roses.

You had me until the very end. It's not just "very hard" for some people to save that kind of money in their 20s and 30s -- it's literally impossible no matter how much "discipline and patience" you have unless you have a high paying job. You can't get blood from a stone, so to speak. You have to make a choice on how to get that money in the first place, and generally speaking the higher paying jobs at that age require selling out to The Man.

When I see two kids in their 20s, both working hard but one making far more money than the other by selling out, I'm not any more impressed with the higher earner. That's all I'm saying.

I'm the PP and I hate to break this to you, but my DH and I are not (and have never been) high earners, and we were able to save up 80k towards a down payment on a 500k house that we bought in our early 30s, on our own. We actually saved up 90k but used 10k for our wedding. At the time we made about 130k total -- I made 60k as a public interest lawyer, and he made 70k as a civil engineer. I had law school loans (which ultimately got forgiven because I stayed in public interest). DH's first job out of college paid 40k. We contributed towards 401ks but did not max them out because we wanted money for a house.

I'm not saying everyone should do this or that there is something wrong with you if you don't. But yes, it is possible to save up money for a home purchase, even in an expensive area, even in your 20s/30s, even without being a super high earner. But it requires you to reconceive what it is to be a person that age. We were not going out to bars and brunch every weekend. We didn't travel extensively, we were frugal about clothes, electronics, cars (I didn't even have a car for most of that time). It was hard but the reward was we were able to buy a home when otherwise we would not have been able to because parental assistance was simply never in the cards for us. It's not about morality but it IS about choices. We had friends who would ask us how we'd done it (I think assuming we had hidden parental contributions somewhere) and who simply didn't believe us when we said we just saved. But it's what we did. It's possible.

DP
I agree with you, but for context, in what years did these happen?

I knew you'd ask. DH graduated in 2004. I graduated law school in 2007. We bought our home in 2013. So yes, all these numbers would be different now -- the starting salaries would be hire but so would the housing costs. I am still with the same organization I went to work for after law school and the job I was hired into now pays 90k for someone right out of school. Someone starting out in DH's career would make more like 65k instead of 40k.

The biggest differences is that if we'd bought our home in 2023 instead of 2013, it would have been more like 750k, and thus out of reach even with higher salaries. I think we would have wound up either further out or in a condo (nothing wrong with a condo). I do think we need more affordable housing for middle class professionals, though. But yes, it is still possible to save 50-100k over the course of 5 years, if you are two young professionals making between 50-100k each. Not easy, but possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are so weird about this.

I know people who will proudly say they didn't get any parental help to buy their home, when their downpayment was funded by a 100k inheritance from a grandparent. I mean, okay, not technically parental help but obviously they didn't save up the downpayment themselves.

I know other people who get super defensive about the help their parents gave them. Why? Like, don't brag about it, but you don't have to be defensive. It is what it is.

But conversely some people DO brag and I don't get that either. Good job having wealthy parents or grandparents? I mean -- grow up.

Some people either save their entire downpayment themselves, or simply do not buy a home because they can't put one together. I do think it's impressive when people are able to buy a home with no boost from family because it can be very hard to save a large sum of money like that when you are still young. Like saving 100k in your 50s might not seem like a big deal, but doing it in your 20s/early 30s, when you are still just starting out in life, can be incredibly hard. Those folks do deserve extra kudos. It's not a moral judgement, it's just like -- wow, good on you, that required some discipline and patience that someone whose parents cut them a check didn't need to have. It's like congratulating someone for running a marathon or becoming fluent in a foreign language. It's impressive. Give them their roses.

You had me until the very end. It's not just "very hard" for some people to save that kind of money in their 20s and 30s -- it's literally impossible no matter how much "discipline and patience" you have unless you have a high paying job. You can't get blood from a stone, so to speak. You have to make a choice on how to get that money in the first place, and generally speaking the higher paying jobs at that age require selling out to The Man.

When I see two kids in their 20s, both working hard but one making far more money than the other by selling out, I'm not any more impressed with the higher earner. That's all I'm saying.

I'm the PP and I hate to break this to you, but my DH and I are not (and have never been) high earners, and we were able to save up 80k towards a down payment on a 500k house that we bought in our early 30s, on our own. We actually saved up 90k but used 10k for our wedding. At the time we made about 130k total -- I made 60k as a public interest lawyer, and he made 70k as a civil engineer. I had law school loans (which ultimately got forgiven because I stayed in public interest). DH's first job out of college paid 40k. We contributed towards 401ks but did not max them out because we wanted money for a house.

I'm not saying everyone should do this or that there is something wrong with you if you don't. But yes, it is possible to save up money for a home purchase, even in an expensive area, even in your 20s/30s, even without being a super high earner. But it requires you to reconceive what it is to be a person that age. We were not going out to bars and brunch every weekend. We didn't travel extensively, we were frugal about clothes, electronics, cars (I didn't even have a car for most of that time). It was hard but the reward was we were able to buy a home when otherwise we would not have been able to because parental assistance was simply never in the cards for us. It's not about morality but it IS about choices. We had friends who would ask us how we'd done it (I think assuming we had hidden parental contributions somewhere) and who simply didn't believe us when we said we just saved. But it's what we did. It's possible.

DP
I agree with you, but for context, in what years did these happen?

I knew you'd ask. DH graduated in 2004. I graduated law school in 2007. We bought our home in 2013. So yes, all these numbers would be different now -- the starting salaries would be hire but so would the housing costs. I am still with the same organization I went to work for after law school and the job I was hired into now pays 90k for someone right out of school. Someone starting out in DH's career would make more like 65k instead of 40k.

The biggest differences is that if we'd bought our home in 2023 instead of 2013, it would have been more like 750k, and thus out of reach even with higher salaries. I think we would have wound up either further out or in a condo (nothing wrong with a condo). I do think we need more affordable housing for middle class professionals, though. But yes, it is still possible to save 50-100k over the course of 5 years, if you are two young professionals making between 50-100k each. Not easy, but possible.

Thanks. I posted on the last page at 9:08. We graduated in 1993. I made $25k and my DW was making less than that. We bought our first home (a 2 bedroom condo townhome in PWC) the next year for less than $100k. About 8 years later we bought a small SFH. In 2009 our HHI was about $140k and we moved to Fairfax Co and bought the house we are in now.

The job I got hired into in 1993 now starts at $56k, 31 years later. Last year our HHI was just over $200k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m interested if those who had help with a downpayment will be able to do the same for their kids.
Seems to me if you had your college paid for by your parents, you should strive to do the same for your kids, similarly to getting help with a down payment, you should really try to do the same for your kids. Otherwise it is clear that the generational wealth is drying up and you haven’t done your part

That’s absolutely my plan (I’m the PP who received a $200k downpayment. My parents also paid for college and grad school for me and my siblings). We will definitely be paying for all college and grad school for kids and are in a good position to be able to give them down payments and other support as well.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for all of my college and grad school, a $100k+ wedding, new cars for my spouse and I for a wedding gift, and $150k for our first downpayment on a home a couple of years later. We are hoping to do the same for our kids some day, they're currently in middle school (at a private school my parents are paying for...) I know I'm very lucky.

[Anonymous]

My ILs have been insanely generous giving us $1 million to buy a $1.8 million home. We have three children and our incomes are just now accelerating but it would have been 2-3 more years before we could do it on our own and we really needed more space and a good school district. Originally we hoped they could help us with a loan but one day my FIL said it was a gift. My ILs are very generous people and they never ask for anything in return.

[Anonymous]

We got parental support in the form of allowing us to live rent-free at home for a couple of years post-college. We bought our home in our late 20s. In our late 30s now and the home is paid off and worth mid-700s. We’ve had decent paying jobs our whole careers (one fed, one government contracting).

We definitely plan to pay it forward and help out our kids with down payments, educations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for all of my college and grad school, a $100k+ wedding, new cars for my spouse and I for a wedding gift, and $150k for our first downpayment on a home a couple of years later. We are hoping to do the same for our kids some day, they're currently in middle school (at a private school my parents are paying for...) I know I'm very lucky.

Are you really not capable of at least paying for your own kids’ schooling?

[Anonymous]

I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Pay it forward, yes - but not necessarily in that way. We do donate to charity but the way I think of paying it forward is through the generations. So we accepted all the help of college, grad school, wedding, downpayment, etc, and we will do the same for our children. And I hope they will do the same for theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree, at least, that anyone that accepts a handout, gift, or other measure of help without providing something of commensurate value in return is a total piece of trash. So, it’s okay to accept a $5M inheritance to buy a home…so long as you turn around and pay that forward by donating $5M of your own to a charitable organization, for example. This is what most people do, or at least I would assume. I can’t imagine a society so broken down where this wouldn’t be the norm?

Pay it forward, yes - but not necessarily in that way. We do donate to charity but the way I think of paying it forward is through the generations. So we accepted all the help of college, grad school, wedding, downpayment, etc, and we will do the same for our children. And I hope they will do the same for theirs.

lol. Ensuring that all the money is kept with your own genetic line isn’t exactly paying it forward. It’s the definition of self interest.

Man, rich people are just… different.

[Anonymous]

Yes, help with down payment for first house, and now inheritance is helping buy our next house. I hope to help my kids in the same way.