Any schools that put freshman in singles? DD won’t be able to handle sharing a bedroom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is not HFA or SN. She gets annoyed easily at certain sounds & smells, however. She’s currently a junior in high school. She went to an 8 week sleep away camp in middle school and had a tough time living with others. She has former teammates who have complained about their college roommates when she’s seen them. She says that she absolutely could not handle sharing a room because her roommate might burn sage or incense, smoke pot, smoke cigarettes, leave the dorm room propped open to outside leaving the possibility of her stuff being stolen, be too loud at night or get mad at her for waking up really early as she prefers to do.

College room-sharing is a rite of passage, you move from your princess bedroom at home to learning how to live with others, adapt your timings, sharing space, going out of your comfort zone, being considerate, learning tolerance, respecting boundaries. It is not about schools shoving people into a room to conserve space- they could make doubles into singles very easily if it was.

OP, she needs to gain some abilities in living with others - she sounds entitled. "absolutely could not handle". No, she prefers, but she will learn to handle.

What a UMC white point of view.

Yep UMC rite of passage and nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is not HFA or SN. She gets annoyed easily at certain sounds & smells, however. She’s currently a junior in high school. She went to an 8 week sleep away camp in middle school and had a tough time living with others. She has former teammates who have complained about their college roommates when she’s seen them. She says that she absolutely could not handle sharing a room because her roommate might burn sage or incense, smoke pot, smoke cigarettes, leave the dorm room propped open to outside leaving the possibility of her stuff being stolen, be too loud at night or get mad at her for waking up really early as she prefers to do.

College room-sharing is a rite of passage, you move from your princess bedroom at home to learning how to live with others, adapt your timings, sharing space, going out of your comfort zone, being considerate, learning tolerance, respecting boundaries. It is not about schools shoving people into a room to conserve space- they could make doubles into singles very easily if it was.

OP, she needs to gain some abilities in living with others - she sounds entitled. "absolutely could not handle". No, she prefers, but she will learn to handle.

What a UMC white point of view.

Yep UMC rite of passage and nothing wrong with that.

In my experience it tends to be white people doing it. The UMC Muslim & Indian families I know have their kids commuting.

[Anonymous]

GW’s sober dorm Mitchell is all singles. UT Dallas and University of Kentucky also have singles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quit being so over-indulgent to your kid - you are NOT doing her a favor.

Next thing will be: "She doesn't want to share the toilet or bathing facilities" and "She wants one-on-one lecturing from the professors" and "She wants her meals brought to her in her (single) room".
The solution to your DD's problems are a shrink.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is not HFA or SN. She gets annoyed easily at certain sounds & smells, however. She’s currently a junior in high school. She went to an 8 week sleep away camp in middle school and had a tough time living with others. She has former teammates who have complained about their college roommates when she’s seen them. She says that she absolutely could not handle sharing a room because her roommate might burn sage or incense, smoke pot, smoke cigarettes, leave the dorm room propped open to outside leaving the possibility of her stuff being stolen, be too loud at night or get mad at her for waking up really early as she prefers to do.

College room-sharing is a rite of passage, you move from your princess bedroom at home to learning how to live with others, adapt your timings, sharing space, going out of your comfort zone, being considerate, learning tolerance, respecting boundaries. It is not about schools shoving people into a room to conserve space- they could make doubles into singles very easily if it was.

OP, she needs to gain some abilities in living with others - she sounds entitled. "absolutely could not handle". No, she prefers, but she will learn to handle.

This is such an Americanized viewpoint. Kids all over the world do just fine with their own room in college.

Imagine that. A culture that has its own "rite of passage" traditions. Countries all over the world have their own way of marking passage too. Do you denigrate those?

[Anonymous]

Regardless of whether your daughter has "good" or "bad" reasons for choosing to preference a school that can guarantee singles over a school that cannot, or whether she "shouldn't have to" put up with it or it is a "rite of passage," the one thing that is indisputably clear is that if this is really important to her and you don't have a budgetary or other constraint that prevents it, then SHE should be the one to thoroughly research this on her own without a parent doing it (other than reminding her she may want to look into it), and she can base her decision on it like thousands of other big and little/rational or irrational things that cause a kid to choose one school over another.

If she doesn't do the research or she ends up deciding it isn't critical in her college selection and she's unhappy about that afterward, she should be the one who investigates how to change rooms or fix it later with the Housing Office (or leave with it to the end of the semester). Those are the life skills she needs to learn more than rooming with someone else.

And if that pains you too much to think that she could end up being unhappy because she didn't do that work before or after the decision, then that's kind of the definition of being a helicopter parent. It's OK to remind your kid once and then let them figure it out one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the same concerns about my HFA son, who has sensory issues and other problems. A quiet roommate with regular habits would be great, but we don't know whether that preference will actually be taken into account. If it's a noisy roommate who invites a ton of friends over and disturbs his sleeping hours, then DS is going to go crazy.

DS is getting a neuropsychological evaluation and we'll see what we can do with the report. I think medical needs and psychiatric needs are taken into account for housing. My personal issue is that I actually feel "the right roommate" would be most beneficial for him. But he doesn't know anyone going to this school yet, and being HFA, he's not the most outgoing and social person - it's not like he can easily socialize and find a likely soul between now and housing decision time.

I too was hopeful that the "right" roommate would be more beneficial to transitioning to college life than a single. Look into the living learning center/floors offerings at the schools of interest. My kid did that, and taken together with the roommate survey (sleep and study patterns, hosting, socializing, etc.), was matched with a similarly quiet, studious, small-group socializing style roommate who had the same STEM academic interests (as did those on the floor). Making some early on nearby friends was helpful that first semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t she handle it? We need more information. Sharing a room is great way to become more considerate, empathetic, kind, etc. Plus, it helps things go more smoothly when you get married or move in with your significant other.

Some kids grow up in small houses or apartments and have never had their own room. They’ve already learned how to share and be considerate because they didn’t have a single … ever.

Living with family members is different from living with literal strangers, but you knew that.

Ok. But what is the actual life benefit to sleeping 5 feet away from a “literal stranger”?

yea, I don't get this comments that it's a "life skill." I cannot thing of a single other time in life when you have to sleep 5 feet away from a stranger and share a room. What life skill, exactly, is being learned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t she handle it? We need more information. Sharing a room is great way to become more considerate, empathetic, kind, etc. Plus, it helps things go more smoothly when you get married or move in with your significant other.

Some kids grow up in small houses or apartments and have never had their own room. They’ve already learned how to share and be considerate because they didn’t have a single … ever.

Living with family members is different from living with literal strangers, but you knew that.

Ok. But what is the actual life benefit to sleeping 5 feet away from a “literal stranger”?

yea, I don't get this comments that it's a "life skill." I cannot thing of a single other time in life when you have to sleep 5 feet away from a stranger and share a room. What life skill, exactly, is being learned?

Coping. Negotiating. Dealing with discomfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By all means, let’s do everything we can to isolate our students. Like COVID didn’t do a job on them already?

There are mental health issues that will follow this generation for the rest of their lives because they didn’t get the same socialization as we did in high school. We should help them work through this stuff, not cater to it.

(This isn’t about people with true need for accommodations.)

I'm not sure why 18 year olds need to sleep in the same 100 sf room with a stranger to do that, but okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t she handle it? We need more information. Sharing a room is great way to become more considerate, empathetic, kind, etc. Plus, it helps things go more smoothly when you get married or move in with your significant other.

Some kids grow up in small houses or apartments and have never had their own room. They’ve already learned how to share and be considerate because they didn’t have a single … ever.

Living with family members is different from living with literal strangers, but you knew that.

Ok. But what is the actual life benefit to sleeping 5 feet away from a “literal stranger”?

yea, I don't get this comments that it's a "life skill." I cannot thing of a single other time in life when you have to sleep 5 feet away from a stranger and share a room. What life skill, exactly, is being learned?

Coping. Negotiating. Dealing with discomfort.

Somehow most of the world/country is able to learn life skills without dorming...

[Anonymous]

For the record, my parents went to college in Asia, and when they were students it was more like barracks. 6 or more students to a room in bunk beds. Looking at the web site for the school it looks like they now have 4 to a room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t she handle it? We need more information. Sharing a room is great way to become more considerate, empathetic, kind, etc. Plus, it helps things go more smoothly when you get married or move in with your significant other.

Some kids grow up in small houses or apartments and have never had their own room. They’ve already learned how to share and be considerate because they didn’t have a single … ever.

Living with family members is different from living with literal strangers, but you knew that.

Ok. But what is the actual life benefit to sleeping 5 feet away from a “literal stranger”?

yea, I don't get this comments that it's a "life skill." I cannot thing of a single other time in life when you have to sleep 5 feet away from a stranger and share a room. What life skill, exactly, is being learned?

Exactly. I was never friends with my roommates. My first roommate was too busy having sex with a few guys before she settled for one. It was not pleasant them having sex in the bunk bed under me. Thankfully she moved out mid-year to room with a friend whose roommate moved out and I got the room to myself.

Another roommate was fine but really dirty and I was her maid.

[Anonymous]

DD wasn't specifically seeking out a single, but got one her freshman year. No regrets. She loved her privacy, having a room to herself, and not having to worry about a roommate and their sleep schedule/class schedule/bringing people in/hygiene/etc. However she did share a bathroom with someone else in another single dorm, but that hadn't been an issue.

Y'all are so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t she handle it? We need more information. Sharing a room is great way to become more considerate, empathetic, kind, etc. Plus, it helps things go more smoothly when you get married or move in with your significant other.

Some kids grow up in small houses or apartments and have never had their own room. They’ve already learned how to share and be considerate because they didn’t have a single … ever.

Living with family members is different from living with literal strangers, but you knew that.

Ok. But what is the actual life benefit to sleeping 5 feet away from a “literal stranger”?

yea, I don't get this comments that it's a "life skill." I cannot thing of a single other time in life when you have to sleep 5 feet away from a stranger and share a room. What life skill, exactly, is being learned?

Coping. Negotiating. Dealing with discomfort.

Somehow most of the world/country is able to learn life skills without dorming...

Yes, but most of the world/country who learn those skills aren't the relatively pampered class of kids who go to residential colleges. Other countries have other ways (national service/military) and lower income families often grow up sharing rooms with siblings.