My SIX year old refuses to wear pants in this weather

[Anonymous]

I capitalize SIX because I searched the archives and all posts on this topic have to do with 2-year-olds.

I was outside today in full winter wear - sweater, scarf, corduroys, coat, boots - and still cold. But I sent my son off to school in shorts and a long-sleeved t-shirt under a light rain jacket because he refuses to wear anything else, and to engage in a battle on this would mean all out war with him probably not even making it to school at all today because he is too busy gripping the sides of our door frame with his teeth and fingernails while I attempt to drag him out in his underwear. Not a pretty picture. (And actually it would be dragging him out naked because he also refuses to wear underwear, but that's another story.) So I defer to my husband's plan which is wait him out - eventually he'll get cold and want to wear pants. But in the mean time I feel like a terrible parent, I worry that he'll come home from school with pneumonia (he woke up with a mild cold today), and I worry that someone will report us to the authorities for child neglect. He is on a field trip today too, which means lots of outdoor time. I am sick to my stomach about this.

Suggestions? Support? Commiseration?

[Anonymous]

Special needs child?
Tail wagging the dog?
Broken spinal column syndrome for both parents?
Is DH sick to his stomach about this?

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing.

Sometimes choosing your battles isn't an easy thing.

He will come around and decide he needs warmer clothes...though I've known a few adult men who still go out with several feet of snow on the ground in shorts and/or a short sleeve shirt! Maybe not what you want to hear- but they're all perfectly fine people even if a little stubborn. Cold doesn't make people sick, but since it can lower immunity you may want to keep a slightly closer eye on him until he comes around. I wouldn't sweat it though. It seems an unlikely jump for a mild cold to become pneumonia. Next time perhaps you can stick a pair of pants in his backpack in case he changes his mind mid-day?

[Anonymous]

My DS is like this. I have so far been able to get around the shorts issue by allowing him to wear a short sleeve shirt and a sweatshirt and long pants. He has been agreeing to that. I also allow him to come home and wear shorts indoors. This may or may not work for many. I remember my cousin had transition issues. One winter he went outside in a sweatshirt and shorts to play in the snow. He did come in in about 1 minute b/c he was cold (but he seemed to need to figure it out for himself and when he did then it was ok). Also, FWIW, DS wears pants and pretty thin shirts all winter long. He will not wear a sweater or an undershirt or two layers in general. I'm ok with this. At least he is in long sleeves. Plus his winter coat is a 3 in 1, so it's layered and warm. It has taken A LOT to get DS to this point.

[Anonymous]

I also don't fight these battles with a six-year-old. You offer the reasonable advice, he ignores it, and suffers the natural consequences of being cold.

I agree with putting a pair of pants in his backpack, and letting him decide when he is too cold.

Children get to make so few choices, I refuse to fight with mine when it comes to what and how much they eat or what they wear.

[Anonymous]

It's not that cold and with the rain it's not like they will have outdoor recess. Get him some knee socks and tell him that if he goes without pants he has to keep the socks on and pulled up. I am sure this will encourage wearing pants.

Your son may run hotter and you may run colder. I can't believe you were dressed for winter.

[Anonymous]

It's time for you to pack away the shorts.

[Anonymous]

Some kids have sensory issues. Clothes bother them. They don't percieve the cold as much. It doesn't mean that he is hot, it means that a more constricting jacket or the feel of something on his arms is distressing.

Underwear from Hanna Andersson works for many kids. I'd try some soft sweats/knit pants (so no elastic at the bottom) a size up too. The not being willing to wear underwear says sensory issues to me. Try jackets that have the thermo lining instead of puffy stuff, they fit "thinner" and try a size up. The 3 in one coat was too bulky for my kid. Lands End and LL Bean have jackets that might work well.

[Anonymous]

OP, the underwear is not a different story. How is he with socks and shoes? A lover of Crocs? Try seamless underwear and socks and see if that helps.

You might want to do a consult with an OT. There are things that can help tactile defensiveness. I'd also make sure to give him an omega supplement and a good multi like Kirkmans chewables. I'm guessing he may be a picky eater as well?

[Anonymous]

Just curious whether his school has rules regarding when the children can wear shorts? I have a toddler so I'm not up to date on school rules, but when I was elementary and middle school, the school would put out a notice that shorts cannot be worn past a certain date. And then they would send out another notice in the spring saying that short can be worn beginning on a certain date. Such rules probably wouldn't help you if he is dealing with a sensory issue, but if it's just stubborness, making it plain that wearing shorts is against the rules may help.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post. We are having the same arguements with our 6 yr old boy. In fact, the only reason he agreed to play basketball this winter is because he gets to wear shorts!!! Who thought 6 year old boys were so clothes senstitive.

The good news is that we eased into - long pants with short sleeves, now we have gotten to long pants and long sleeves. And yes, he would immediately put on shorts when he got home from school, but that did not bug me as much because he is indoors. I also know from other parents that our school is kept very warm. My next "battle" is going to the winter coat, but we'll get there. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids have sensory issues. Clothes bother them. They don't percieve the cold as much. It doesn't mean that he is hot, it means that a more constricting jacket or the feel of something on his arms is distressing.

Underwear from Hanna Andersson works for many kids. I'd try some soft sweats/knit pants (so no elastic at the bottom) a size up too. The not being willing to wear underwear says sensory issues to me. Try jackets that have the thermo lining instead of puffy stuff, they fit "thinner" and try a size up. The 3 in one coat was too bulky for my kid. Lands End and LL Bean have jackets that might work well.

My DD is like this. She has sensory issues galore and she isn't just being a brat. Some clothing truly hurts her skin. She is also six. I have managed the problem by taking her shopping, making it very pleasant and fun and telling her we aren't buying her anything that "hurts". She gets to decide. I have found she loves soft sweats/yoga type pants and we own 10 pairs. She alternates all winter with long sleeved tee shirts. We own no cords/jeans/tight cotton. Try to give him some control. If he trusts you to take his discomfort seriously, you may find a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Second the underwear from Hanna Anderson, they have a bunch of different styles for boys and covered seams, plus the cotton is super soft. To me it's a hygiene issue to wear underwear. H&M also has some good underwear in soft cotton - boxers, briefs and an in between style. When you find pants that work for him, buy several pair. For some reason, my kid liked nylon long pants rather than super loose cotton ones. His school is fine with it. Mine will do loose sweatshirts, we found a jacket that fits similarly. Shoes, those are still an issue, sigh.

[Anonymous]

Get him boxer briefs. Tidey whities can be cause for fun making if he goes to school with kids that have older sibs.

The nylon pants are athletic gear.

Kids like wearing athletic shorts and it still is soccer season. Let him pick out some sweat pants.

Most 6 year old boys don't wear cords. Rarely are they seen in middle or high school.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thanks so much for all the support and helpful info. As for underwear - we have tried boxer briefs, regular briefs, regular boxers, etc. To no avail. But will keep trying. As for pants - I certainly am not pushing cords. He has sweat pants, slidey pants (nylon athletic pants), jeans... but he says all pants are "too soft on the inside". In any event, I have gotten the sense from all these posts that this really is more of a sensory issue than a stubborn issue. And perhaps if I treat it as such, with respect instead of fury, we will make some headway. Interestingly, in Pre-K we went through this same thing, finally resolved by wearing slidey pants over shorts and removing the pants upon arrival at school. But in Kindergarten as soon as it got cold he put the pants on right away, no problem. Guess this is an intermittent problem.

Looking forward to 2nd grade...

Oh, and yes I do tend to be cold when everyone else is comfortable, and the poster who said they couldn't believe I was dressed for winter today is not the only one to be in such disbelief.

I also thought of putting the pants in his backpack but when I suggested that to my son he refused. We are in a place of major headbutting about this, so anything i suggest is likely to be refused. I think it's time for me to get a little more zen about this, and approach it from a different angle. I considered it major progress when he told me that pants are too soft this morning - usually he won't talk about it at all. It never ceases to amaze me what kind of issues come up in parenting that I just never, ever thought would be issues! I expected tantrums, sleep issues, picky eating, but "first grader won't wear underwear"? Humbling.

I think part of my struggle with this is that it's embarrassing to be dropping him at school so inappropriately dressed. Perhaps removing my ego from this will help as well.