please remind me to take the high road

[Anonymous]

An acquaintance just sent a slightly insulting e-mail intended just for me to a distribution group we're both on. I want desperately to respond to all explaining why she's mistaken in her accusations. But I know that in 95% of possible scenarios, not responding at all will make me look best. Please, remind me that taking the high road is the right thing to do and the thing that will serve me best in the long run!

[Anonymous]

You already know that's true, so I'm just going to write to encourage you to take that high road! You'll feel much better for it. Now, take a couple of deep breaths, focus on something you need to get done this morning, and move on from this. Your acquaintance is probably smoldering with embarrassment.

[Anonymous]

Oh, do it -- the high road is always best in the end! Just think of it as delayed gratification. The urge to write back right now is eating the cake right away. Not doing anything is like having it later, when it tastes even better. Let the acquaintance be the only wrongdoer in this scenario -- don't split the responsibility with her by jumping in to the fray.

[Anonymous]

Definitely don't react. For all you know, she'll have some class and e-mail out an apology or something similar.

[Anonymous]

send an email to yourself stating exactly what you want to say to your acquaintance. Once you have written the email, you will likely feel better. This was taught to me by a wise mentor and has kept me on the high road both personally and professionally.

[Anonymous]

What I always do is right the perfect response email, read it through, and then delete it.

[Anonymous]

Revenge is best served cold.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I, too, would have to sit on my hands in order not to reply all. But I'd remind myself that everyone else who got her email are already annoyed by being subjected to a personal battle. If you write back, even if you are 100 percent right, you'll just annoy people further. Nobody cares enough about either of you (mean that in a neutral way -- assuming this is like a neighborhood listserv, etc, where most of you don't know one another well) to follow your exchange with anything other than irritation.

That said, I might reply to just her and give her a piece of my mind or just a "really?" reply. But I guess that's not encouraging you to take the high road, is it?

[Anonymous]

You don't need to do anything. She already looks bad. She made accusations (there have been studies to show that the readers will actually link those accusations to her, not you) and she demonstrated that she doesn't know how to use something simple as e-mail. This is much more embarressing for her. So sit back and don't react and you look wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Revenge is best served cold.

NP here - I am going to have to remember this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to do anything. She already looks bad. She made accusations (there have been studies to show that the readers will actually link those accusations to her, not you) and she demonstrated that she doesn't know how to use something simple as e-mail. This is much more embarressing for her. So sit back and don't react and you look wonderful.

Agree. She sounds like a crazy bitch, so chances are if I read the actual email I'd feel the same.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I, too, am trying very hard to stick to the high road in dealing with a situation where my daughter was excluded from an event by a group of her friends, with the consent of their parents. I loved the suggestion of writing yourself an email capturing what you'd say to the offending "friend(s)" if you chose to let them know just how angry and hurt you are. I did this and then tweaked the tone so that when I see the other parents, I'll know exactly what to say to convey my surprise and disappointment, but won't regret going too far. Seeing my daughter's poise and graciousness in dealing with this situation has also helped my resolve to handle things in a classy way. She put together another group of friends to celebrate with and had a great time. "Living well is the best revenge."-- George Herbert.

[Anonymous]

The high road is tough to take, believe me, I know! You'll be glad that you did. If you need to, just write a letter and let all of your anger out on it and then burn it. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Make her look like the sole perpetrator by not responding.

People on the group list will not spend their valuable time analyzing your situation. The only action they will have to base their opinions on is that someone criticized you by email. She will look gauche, not you. Do not stoop to that level.

It would not hurt to prepare a reasoned argument in case you encounter her again privately, or someone else asks you about it privately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance just sent a slightly insulting e-mail intended just for me to a distribution group we're both on. I want desperately to respond to all explaining why she's mistaken in her accusations. But I know that in 95% of possible scenarios, not responding at all will make me look best. Please, remind me that taking the high road is the right thing to do and the thing that will serve me best in the long run!

Hmmm, I don't know - I guess it depends on the nature of the accusations and the type of group it was sent to. If it had just been an email to me, I might ignore it. But if she is defaming you to others, is there no scenario in which it's appropriate for the OP to explain the facts?