Did you make a big midlife change?

[Anonymous]

I figured this was the forum to find the women my age...

The kids have flown the nest. I have a stable job in which I'm BORED AF. It's also pretty vulnerable to AI in the medium-term. I can't imagine spending the next 20 years in this career, but I do need income, and I can't for the life of me figure out my next steps.

I'm not looking to get a different job in the same professional area-- or really, another *job* at all. Just the idea of reactivating LinkedIn premium gives me hives. But I also don't have the kind of hobbies or skills people monetize.

So I'd love to hear stories of women in my shoes who made a big change. What kind of pivot allowed you to keep some money coming in, even if at a lower level than before? Did you move away? Change your homelife? Tell me all about it, I'm totally stuck.

[Anonymous]

Yes to wanting a change! Feeling done with suburbia and would love to get an apartment in the city. Raised 3 kids and was a SAHM for a long time. Pretty good financially but additional income would be helpful. I have such a desire to experience life for myself now. Parenting has been so consuming.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I feel like I want to jump out of my skin most of the time. Want a change, need a change, have no idea what else I could do and keenly aware of ageism and a 50 year old woman is about as desirable as a bowl of cold mush in the job market. I have 20-25 more good years and I'm desperate not to waste them but I don't know what that looks like. I'm trying to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

No. We had so many adventures (spontaneous moves to new countries with our children, lots of travel as a family,) in our 20-40s, all we want now is to settle down and relax. We are starting a small scale farm and wool production mill.

[Anonymous]

Quit practicing law at 40ish to get a grad degree in poetry. DH's income was what allowed it financially.

Kind of regret it, tbh.

[Anonymous]

I am 56. Lost my job this past fall during a massive downsizing.

I've been looking intermittently and while my family could certainly use the income with college tuitions on the near horizon, I just don't know that I can go back to the extremely long hours and high pressure. People nowadays think AI can solve all anyway so despite my years of management experience I seem to be expendable -- and too expensive. Perhaps at some point I will move into a consultant-type of role where I can work on smaller, one-off projects vs being fully in-house.

I've had a tiny sideline teaching yoga for 20+ years, just because I love it. To keep myself sane and busy, I have been doing some extra trainings. I may start teaching again, partnering up to lead retreats, that kind of thing. Not terribly lucrative, but more fulfilling and I like the community better than those with whom I'd previously spent 40++ hours/week. I think I'm also nicer -- and happier -- teaching yoga than leading projects anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes to wanting a change! Feeling done with suburbia and would love to get an apartment in the city. Raised 3 kids and was a SAHM for a long time. Pretty good financially but additional income would be helpful. I have such a desire to experience life for myself now. Parenting has been so consuming.

Good luck to you.

+1

[Anonymous]

I moved to another country, started a company and had a baby. It turned out great, but looking back I'd suggest making one change at a time. I felt like time was running out so I did IT ALL AT ONCE. Two years later looking back, I'm glad I did but also maybe I could have taken time to enjoy the journey a little more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. We had so many adventures (spontaneous moves to new countries with our children, lots of travel as a family,) in our 20-40s, all we want now is to settle down and relax. We are starting a small scale farm and wool production mill.

So, yes, you did make a big midlife change. You previously traveled extensively, and now you are settled down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quit practicing law at 40ish to get a grad degree in poetry. DH's income was what allowed it financially.

Kind of regret it, tbh.

I would like to hear more, both about the grad degree and the regret. Was the program different than what you had expected, or did your needs and desires change? Was the regret about the degree, the lifestyle change, or other opportunities not taken?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I want to jump out of my skin most of the time. Want a change, need a change, have no idea what else I could do and keenly aware of ageism and a 50 year old woman is about as desirable as a bowl of cold mush in the job market. I have 20-25 more good years and I'm desperate not to waste them but I don't know what that looks like. I'm trying to figure it out.

Yes, well put. So discontented, and not being able to ID a cause or an action makes it worse.

[Anonymous]

we’ll be empty nesters in the fall and sort of impromptu switched houses this spring. Being forced to clean out the layers of stuff from raising a family has helped me feel less stuck in this season of change. I thought we were fairly organized but found things tucked away in the garage I didn’t know we still had like the razor scooters. We donated/gave away/tossed around 10 car loads of stuff.

Kids bought into the move since they got to decorate new college era, more adult bedrooms and we have a pool and jacuzzi now.

I also needed a new car after 10 years (and so many carpools) and switched from a three row to something nicer and smaller. Shaking things up in my physical spaces is helping me feel more forward focused. I’m keeping the same job but reduced my hours a bit to travel more, even if a lot of it is just parents weekends and visiting my kid going abroad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Quit practicing law at 40ish to get a grad degree in poetry. DH's income was what allowed it financially.

Kind of regret it, tbh.

I would like to hear more, both about the grad degree and the regret. Was the program different than what you had expected, or did your needs and desires change? Was the regret about the degree, the lifestyle change, or other opportunities not taken?

Kind of all of it?

The degree, an MFA in creative writing, isn't really worth doing. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Maybe if you could get in at Iowa? Otherwise, no. Definitely not if you are unfunded. The lifestyle change was a good one, for sure. But I often look back and wish I hadn't left practice -- I was a fed, and would have had retirement benefits by now, and would have had a legal career that lasted longer than 10 years. I was a really strong lawyer, and gave it up because it wore me out. I probably should have just stuck it out.

But I'll say this, although I do have regret, it's minimal -- probably a 3/10. So it's all fine. Life usually works out no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we’ll be empty nesters in the fall and sort of impromptu switched houses this spring. Being forced to clean out the layers of stuff from raising a family has helped me feel less stuck in this season of change. I thought we were fairly organized but found things tucked away in the garage I didn’t know we still had like the razor scooters. We donated/gave away/tossed around 10 car loads of stuff.

Kids bought into the move since they got to decorate new college era, more adult bedrooms and we have a pool and jacuzzi now.

I also needed a new car after 10 years (and so many carpools) and switched from a three row to something nicer and smaller. Shaking things up in my physical spaces is helping me feel more forward focused. I’m keeping the same job but reduced my hours a bit to travel more, even if a lot of it is just parents weekends and visiting my kid going abroad.

There is some real insight here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we’ll be empty nesters in the fall and sort of impromptu switched houses this spring. Being forced to clean out the layers of stuff from raising a family has helped me feel less stuck in this season of change. I thought we were fairly organized but found things tucked away in the garage I didn’t know we still had like the razor scooters. We donated/gave away/tossed around 10 car loads of stuff.

Kids bought into the move since they got to decorate new college era, more adult bedrooms and we have a pool and jacuzzi now.

I also needed a new car after 10 years (and so many carpools) and switched from a three row to something nicer and smaller. Shaking things up in my physical spaces is helping me feel more forward focused. I’m keeping the same job but reduced my hours a bit to travel more, even if a lot of it is just parents weekends and visiting my kid going abroad.

This is kind of where I am... I've done a lot of small (often under $10k) improvements on my house, and it's always been a good move, especially to carry me through prior periods of dissatisfaction.

Right now I'm considering a relatively extensive outdoor overhaul-- I'd like to get rid of some messy, gloomy trees that are at the end of their lives, and install terracing and nice fences and other hardscaping elements, and have a lovely outdoor space with lots of room for gardening and lounging. But the thing is, doing this will eat up the savings I could otherwise spend on a bigger change, like moving away from DC, or I don't know, setting up an organic basketweaving commune. So I'm hesitating. Spending that money would effectively trap me in my current well-paying-but-boring job. And the prospect of 20 more years of this is wretched, even with a place to grow masses of flowers and some good tomatoes. Plus, spending that chunk of savings means less protection from future professional upheavals, which makes me super nervous.