Insults from childhood that cast a long shadow

[Anonymous]

In middle school I was definitely a bit overweight. My mom was 350 pounds. Once she came to a school event and a frenemy said in the smarmiest voice - “wow you look just like your mom.” My mom said something to me that indicated that she understood that comment was not said kindly, but of course I already knew that. Many years later I had a child and I still to this day cringe anytime anyone says she looks like me because deep in my core it feels like it must be an insult.

Looking for commiseration, not advice to go to the therapy.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry that happened.

[Anonymous]

From the age of 10 to about 15 my parents and siblings constantly mocked me, calling me"Barkey" instead of my name. If I got upset and told them to stop, they would laugh at me and say "Hey, look at Barkey going at it again. Woof woof, Barkey.". I basically wasn't allowed to speak without being made fun of by my family. They thought they were hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the age of 10 to about 15 my parents and siblings constantly mocked me, calling me"Barkey" instead of my name. If I got upset and told them to stop, they would laugh at me and say "Hey, look at Barkey going at it again. Woof woof, Barkey.". I basically wasn't allowed to speak without being made fun of by my family. They thought they were hilarious.

Wow, I'm so sorry - that is pretty bad. Has there ever been any reflection on that by them?

[Anonymous]

My parents routinely called family meetings where they told me I was “heavy” and lazy. They didn’t offer me any help (nutritionist, exercise plan, cooking healthier meals), other than to tell me I needed to “do better.” I had undiagnosed ADHD, but they refused to believe that, preferring to think that I was just lazy and not trying hard enough.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you went through that, OP. I agree that those early wounds can leave deep scars.

I was bullied in MS, so when my kindergarten DD deliberately and blatantly snubbed a classmate who just approached her to say hi, I put my foot down hard. I told her in no uncertain terms that no daughter of mine was going to be a mean girl or bully. I explained that while she didn’t have to be friends with everyone, she did have to treat them with basic courtesy and respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the age of 10 to about 15 my parents and siblings constantly mocked me, calling me"Barkey" instead of my name. If I got upset and told them to stop, they would laugh at me and say "Hey, look at Barkey going at it again. Woof woof, Barkey.". I basically wasn't allowed to speak without being made fun of by my family. They thought they were hilarious.

Wow, I'm so sorry - that is pretty bad. Has there ever been any reflection on that by them?

No, they still think it's clever and funny. They laugh like it's a big family joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In middle school I was definitely a bit overweight. My mom was 350 pounds. Once she came to a school event and a frenemy said in the smarmiest voice - “wow you look just like your mom.” My mom said something to me that indicated that she understood that comment was not said kindly, but of course I already knew that. Many years later I had a child and I still to this day cringe anytime anyone says she looks like me because deep in my core it feels like it must be an insult.

Looking for commiseration, not advice to go to the therapy.

I am so sorry - that comment was clearly meant to cut. I had an older sibling - now passed - with a congenital syndrome with physical features. Whom I thought was my closest friend at the time told another friend that I looked just like my sister. That friend told me. Yes, she was a little catty, but her parents were also health professionals, one working in mental health, so I think she knew it was messed up. I never said anything to that friend as it was so unbelievably cruel towards me but also towards my sister and that is what may have hurt more - I never forgot it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the age of 10 to about 15 my parents and siblings constantly mocked me, calling me"Barkey" instead of my name. If I got upset and told them to stop, they would laugh at me and say "Hey, look at Barkey going at it again. Woof woof, Barkey.". I basically wasn't allowed to speak without being made fun of by my family. They thought they were hilarious.

Wow, I'm so sorry - that is pretty bad. Has there ever been any reflection on that by them?

No, they still think it's clever and funny. They laugh like it's a big family joke.

One of my siblings told me about a behavior I was doing that they found hurtful and disrespectful. It was so obvious once explained that I couldn't even deny it. She did such a favor telling me. I hope that there may be one of them where you can share that.

[Anonymous]

When I was a young teenager, my mother told me “I always thought you’d turn out prettier.” I was the top student in my class, excelled in sports and debate, did community service and paid for all of my own clothes, etc., with babysitting jobs. But her accusation that I had disappointed her with my looks really stung.

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry that happened.
If you have body issues or are concerned about your child I think that makes it harder.
I was an overweight child told she looked like her overweight mother. Looking at my face in the mirror, I do resemble her.
Does your child objectively resemble you facially? Try looking at photos. That might defang the comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the age of 10 to about 15 my parents and siblings constantly mocked me, calling me"Barkey" instead of my name. If I got upset and told them to stop, they would laugh at me and say "Hey, look at Barkey going at it again. Woof woof, Barkey.". I basically wasn't allowed to speak without being made fun of by my family. They thought they were hilarious.

Wow, I'm so sorry - that is pretty bad. Has there ever been any reflection on that by them?

No, they still think it's clever and funny. They laugh like it's a big family joke.

One of my siblings told me about a behavior I was doing that they found hurtful and disrespectful. It was so obvious once explained that I couldn't even deny it. She did such a favor telling me. I hope that there may be one of them where you can share that.

Oh, they know. That's the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the age of 10 to about 15 my parents and siblings constantly mocked me, calling me"Barkey" instead of my name. If I got upset and told them to stop, they would laugh at me and say "Hey, look at Barkey going at it again. Woof woof, Barkey.". I basically wasn't allowed to speak without being made fun of by my family. They thought they were hilarious.

Wow, I'm so sorry - that is pretty bad. Has there ever been any reflection on that by them?

No, they still think it's clever and funny. They laugh like it's a big family joke.

One of my siblings told me about a behavior I was doing that they found hurtful and disrespectful. It was so obvious once explained that I couldn't even deny it. She did such a favor telling me. I hope that there may be one of them where you can share that.

Oh, they know. That's the point.

I'm the PP there. I'm so sorry. That's devastating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the age of 10 to about 15 my parents and siblings constantly mocked me, calling me"Barkey" instead of my name. If I got upset and told them to stop, they would laugh at me and say "Hey, look at Barkey going at it again. Woof woof, Barkey.". I basically wasn't allowed to speak without being made fun of by my family. They thought they were hilarious.

I could have written this! Except I was Stuffy (or some variation like Stuff Stuff) because once when I was about 10, I ate a meal so quickly I was choke-coughing. I can’t remember why I was bolting down my food but I guess it doesn’t matter. I didn’t and still don’t tend to eat fast. Anyway, I was made fun relentlessly for this and the name Stuffy was thrown out. It stuck and I hated it.
So when parents and kids speak about their stuffed animals as Stuffies, I am reminded of that stupid nickname.

[Anonymous]

That’s heartbreaking, OP. We never forget words like that.

All these stories make me sad. I was always overweight and wore thick glasses-a perfect target for bullying. I’ve never developed any self-confidence to this day. When I had kids I did my darndest to help them feel good about themselves.

To all posters here: (((hugs)))