What is your opinion on women who get pregnant via donor sperm?

[Anonymous]

I am in a relationship with someone for the past 7 years who I sometimes do not think would make a great father. He also has a history of alcohol abuse (though he is currently sober). Alcoholism runs on both sides of his family, he is ADHD, and he has a second cousin with profound autism.

My fiance died in a car accident before I met the person I am with now. I am getting depressed and I feel like I'm running out of time.

I'm seriously considering doing the donor route, but I feel like people would judge me. Especially my family.

I am also the youngest of all my siblings. They have all had kids. I am adopted. I feel like my parents take very little interest in my life because there are no grandchildren from me.

[Anonymous]

You don’t want to have children with someone with a second cousin with autism?

You aren’t ready to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

I've worked with children with autism and I see what those parents go through. Based on your logic, if someone is not willfully ready to have a child with autism, they are not ready to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

I don't care. I would judge you if you had a baby with THIS guy since you know he's not good quality.

[Anonymous]

I am a teacher and recently had a student whose parents used a donor. The kid would knew about it and also was incredibly well adjusted, happy, and bright. No problem!

[Anonymous]

Who knows or cares? Do whatever you want.

I’m a lesbian conceiving with donor sperm and always knew a donor would be involved. I wish I had someone I could use who wasn’t an anonymous sperm bank donor, but I don’t have anyone who I’d be comfortable with. So sperm bank it is.

Also, to the people saying someone who wants to avoid profound autism isn’t ready to be a parent is someone who doesn’t know what profound autism is. I accept the risk that I could conceive a child with a profound disability who can never live independently or meet even their most basic needs. It’s also something I’d like to avoid.

[Anonymous]

Break up with your boyfriend and start the process to see if you really want a child. Raising any child can be stressful. You cannot buy a perfect child….nor conceive one naturally either. We love the child we get.

[Anonymous]

Consider the other post you made, you are not in any way, shape, or form mentally stable enough to have a child.

[Anonymous]

OP I wouldn’t judge anyone using donor sperm. Just an fyi though, we have friends who have 2 kids who used a donor. One of them has autism/adhd and neither runs on the moms side. You never know know if the donor has it as there’s no test for it.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1329463.page

No children for you OP. Get yourself mentally healthy before you even think about raising a child.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really have thoughts on women who conceive via sperm donor as a group.

You seem to acting from a place of panic, sadness, and desire to please your parents. That’s not a recipe for success regardless of where the baby comes from.

[Anonymous]

So that’s what we’re calling the neighbor these days …

[Anonymous]

I think: good for you, honey!

[Anonymous]

I don't have an opinion about using donor sperm in general but I think it's extremely weird to use it in a relationship because your partner is not genetically up to snuff and you think he'd be a bad dad. I mean, he's still going to be fulfilling the father role for this child, and how do you expect him to feel about your reasoning that his genetics don't meet your standards?

Break up and either find someone who you want to have kids with or do it on your own. Don't bring a child into a relationship you're blowing up on purpose.

[Anonymous]

I don't judge. I am impressed by women who can do it all. Michelle Kwan, for example, is an SMBC and had two kids via a donor while she served as the ambassador to Belize. She is an amazing woman. Based solely on how you wrote your post, you do sound a little depressed, though. I would start with therapy to get yourself to a great place before you start a family.

Also, any woman who did not choose their baby daddy (alcoholism and ADHD are huge red flags) will tell you they'd much rather be an SMBC than have to coparent with a bad ex.