Constantly surprised by oldest daughter

[Anonymous]

And her sudden interest to be with her friends 24/7. She has two groups of friends (one from public school and one from private school) and she is constantly with one group or the other. Right now it’s with the group at the pool. On the weekends she is there 6-8 hours a day.

During the school year she constantly wants to meet up, hang out, sleep over, etc with her school friends.

The whole thing is exhausting. She isn’t even a teen yet (only 12). Is this just going to get worse?

[Anonymous]

It could or they could get into a big fight and never speak again in middle school as friends split up. This often happens at least once if not more in middle and HS.

You have a super social kid. One of mine is too. It’s a balance between all that go go go, what you are willing to drive to and what responsibilities they have and need to. That’s how we managed it. She had to get done what we needed her to do and we had to be willing to drive. We also weren’t willing to be a personal on call uber. As long as those conditions were met, we were fine with the constant social plans.

It actually got easier in HS because she got so busy with other things and didn’t have time for constant social like those years. And then fast forward a bit and it got even easier when they start driving…although you have different worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could or they could get into a big fight and never speak again in middle school as friends split up. This often happens at least once if not more in middle and HS.

You have a super social kid. One of mine is too. It’s a balance between all that go go go, what you are willing to drive to and what responsibilities they have and need to. That’s how we managed it. She had to get done what we needed her to do and we had to be willing to drive. We also weren’t willing to be a personal on call uber. As long as those conditions were met, we were fine with the constant social plans.

It actually got easier in HS because she got so busy with other things and didn’t have time for constant social like those years. And then fast forward a bit and it got even easier when they start driving…although you have different worries.

Op - yes I have heard middle school friendships change a lot!

We actually have 3 super social kids and it’s really exhausting. They all want to hang out with their friends non stop. It’s hard getting everyone everywhere! I know I will be nervous when they are driving but not going to lie I will also be happy I don’t have to cart them around.

My husband won’t let them uber so that won’t be an option.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t surprising, but your inability to say no and post this kind of is.

[Anonymous]

She's probably bored at home. Do you all do things as a family socially?

[Anonymous]

Better this than being alone at home scrolling or gaming all day.

My DD is 15 now and somewhat like this, and it is a lot at times but worth it. She tends to get depressed if alone at home too much.

[Anonymous]

We'll set limits on what transport we're willing to provide occasionally but otherwise, as long as they're good kids, I support this 100%.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps I am a mean mom but I'd set some limits on this and make sure she is also doing things like reading, making it to family dinner, keeping her room clean, spending time with siblings. Does she do sports or other activities?

[Anonymous]

My youngest was like this- school friends (private in Alexandria) and travel/rec sports friends in Arlington. We supported all his friendships and between sports and socializing he was out a lot. It was definitely much easier when he started driving, though. He’s now in college and has continued to maintain most of those friendships from pre-college plus his new college friends which are mostly his teammates (he plays a sport in college). He’s a social guy- always has been and always will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably bored at home. Do you all do things as a family socially? [/quote

I dont understandwhy she should say no. What would her kids be doing otherwise beyond sitting in the house on screens? If my kids want to hang with friends I am all for it and im totally anti social. If I say no to hanging with friends I do feel its my responsibility to provide my kids another outlet for entertainment.

I only say no if it's a real inconvenience to me and I host kids occasionally.

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with hanging out with friends over the summer?

[Anonymous]

First off, she’s 12. It’s not like she makes these plans without permission from you. If you want her to spend more time with family, you need to structure that by *making plans for your family.* Next weekend, visit DC museums or go out to dinner or go thrift store shopping or go to a movie or have a baking project. YOU have to be the family cruise director; it’s not like you can reasonably tell her she can’t go out with friends if you have NOTHING going on at home.

Secondly, thank your lucky stars. Thank God, sincerely, right now. You have an active daughter who is well-liked by her friends, and they are spending the summer going to the pool and hanging out, versus alone and glued to phones, iPads or TV.

Finally, again thank your lucky stars that your daughter has friends, and socializing comes easily to her. Many parents would literally cut off their own arm if it meant they could say that about their kids who are struggling with loneliness, who don’t have friends, who don’t feel like they fit in.

[Anonymous]

Does she not have any extra-curricular activities? My kids are too busy with schoolwork, sports, volunteering, etc. to be spending that much time with friends. Their activities are also a social outlet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she not have any extra-curricular activities? My kids are too busy with schoolwork, sports, volunteering, etc. to be spending that much time with friends. Their activities are also a social outlet.

[Anonymous]

This kind of sounds like you're complaining about a good thing.