Bosses reaction to pregnancy

[Anonymous]

So I told my boss about my pregnancy on Monday. I am now 16 weeks. Her reaction in my opinion was very rude. But I wanted to know
what others thought. I was in her office during our weekly 1 on 1 and I told her at the end of our discussion. The first thing out of her mouth, "Was it planned?'
I said "excuse me," because I thought that is rude and thought she would not repeart it...but as in other instances when she hasn't gotten the clue that she is asking something quite in appropriate, she repeated herself and I answer yes. She then said, "well congratulations." She then proceeded to say, well you haven't talked about having another child. My husband and I have a dd that is 16months old. I just said that I needed to get back to my office because I have some calls to make so I could get out of the conversation before she asked me any more rude questions. But then today one of my co-works that is on my team came over and said, "I'm mad at you." I asked what are you talking about, she then proceeded to say that she heard from someone else that I'm pregnant and was mad because I hadn't told her. This is someone that do work with on a regular basis but not someone that I have ever confided in on a personal level. She then proceeded to as was it planned. Am I out of the loop? These people are very similar in age to me, I am older than one by a few months and the other by 2 years...so I don't think its a generational thing. Please advise how you respond to this question.
I've never asked anyone was it planned. Not even my brother and his wife and they have three kids.

[Anonymous]

My DH's grandfather asked me that question. It was to be his first great-grandchild, we'd been married years, and he should have been thrilled.

I chalk it up to a personality disorder. You say that your boss has done stupid things like this before, so it's not out of character.

It is rude, you have a right to be offended. And, FWIW, I would not even respond to that sort of question - it just validates them.

Congrats!! THat's all that an expectant mom should ever hear.

[Anonymous]

No that's pretty rude of both of them and frankly none of their business.

I'd probably ignore the question.

As far as the "im mad at you"...was it jokingly said or serious? I'd blow that off too. the only person you NEED to tell is your husband.

Sorry you have some ignorant/rude workmates.

[Anonymous]

Yes, personality disorder. It is rude. And stupid. But, what can you do? Don't let it affect your mood--congrats!

[Anonymous]

I'm sure your boss was just caught off-guard and imagining more time off for maternity leave. Strange way to say it though.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thanks for the replies. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't my hormones. As to the idea of me taking maternity leave, my current boss wasn't my boss when I had my first child. She and I worked together on the same level, but not on the same projects so she was not impacted by my maternity leave for my first child. This will be the only time that she has been impacted by my taking maternity leave. I just found it odd to ask that prior to saying Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

With my first baby I was asked that a few times (not by family or close friends) and was shocked each time. We had been married for years, both professionals so no financial issues etc. so I couldn't even understand the basis of the question. Regardless, it's none of anybody's business. Your boss and coworker(s) were rude.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

I've been asked this several times, mostly by men, who frankly I think just don't know what to say. Try to think of it as a stranger asking you the sex - they many not really care but it is a random question to express interest. Of course the actual question of whether it was planned is wildly inappropriate but I think laughing in response is good enough.

[Anonymous]

Beat this - I was asked by a male co-worker 'oh, have you thought what you are going to do about it' - ie are you considering a termination ?!?!?! It was a planned pregnancy, although I wasn't married to my boyfriend at the time.

[Anonymous]

When I told my boss, a man, that I was pregnant he congratulated me... but then the second thing out of his mouth was, "What does your husband do?" I thought that was pretty offensive, and he wasn't an old guy. I mean, was he wondering if my husband would be able to "provide" for us?

[Anonymous]

No one asked me if it was planned because it is obvious that it isn't, but when I finally told people that I was expecting several people had asked me why I didn't terminate. So hurtful and rude - not to mention INAPPROPRIATE. People are idiots, especially so around pregnant women. Just ignore and be happy about your blessing. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Just curious OP- how old are you/your coworkers? wondering what generation we;re talking about..

[Anonymous]

I am not PP but the earlier poster - the co-worker that implied I should terminate was exactly my age - early 30s. I guess he thought 'you have everything going for you in your career, why would you want an 'unplanned' (as he assumed) pregnancy.'

[Anonymous]

Two stories:
When i told a close friend (single, competitve, jealous type) the 1st thing out of her mouth was: "don't worry if it doesn't work out (ie: miscarriage) your'e still young - you can always get pregnant again"
In my office I shared with my direct supervisor. She asked if it was ok to mention to our Director (because I also gave my notice) and the Director did not congratulate me or even comment on my pregnancy for the next two months (until they had a going away shower for me).....

[Anonymous]

totally tactless of your boss, but it may have been well intended.

It may have been unclear to her whether you were happy or sad about this news, and so she may have been asking if it was planned so she knew whether to say "congratulations" or something else. There are people who get pregnant and are not happy about it.

So, while I agree that she probably should've gone about it differently, I don't think she's a complete menace for asking. Some people really have a hard time reading other people's expressions, and she just might have been trying to find out from you what response you expected from her.