DS’s college prospects and the importance of dorm life?

[Anonymous]

DS is a sophomore, no APs, one honors class. Has a mix of As and Bs but also is in danger of getting a C+ in two classes because of his own carelessness (we are waiting for the final grades). He has a part tome job but no extracurriculars or achievements or anything. I used to enroll him in many things and insisted he continued but then I would eventually give up as he kept wanting to quit.

I feel like he doesn’t have great college prospects, and he doesn’t really care if he lives at home or goes away for college.
Would it be wrong to become complacent about the situation and let him stay home and commute to a low ranked school or a CC? Or is campus life still super important in the U.S. as a rite of passage and I should insist he lives on campus? It still won’t be a highly ranked college but at least he will have some ‘real’ college life experience?

[Anonymous]

What does he want?

[Anonymous]

Does he want to go to college? If he does, there is a school that will be a good fit for him. But if he doesn't, that's ok. Look through the offerings of your local community college and see if anything seems interesting to him.

My kid had mostly Bs, with some Cs and a few As. She's starting college in the fall at her dream school (with merit) to study her passion.

[Anonymous]

First, there is still some time for him to mature and course correct. Don't write him off yet. A's and B's is not awful. You are likely just spending too much time hanging around DCUM where everyone's children are perfect and their poop doesn't stink. It is not like he has straight C's or is getting in trouble or something like that. Back in our day (the 90s) there were tons of kids just like your child who went to decent colleges and did fine. I had friends like that in HS who went to Maryland from out of state.

You know your kid. If you think he will go away to college and just screw around and fail out, then don't waste your time or money. It is an important life experience but not if he pisses it away.

Lots of kids find community college to be a great bridge for kids to grow up, figure out what they want to do, and they finish with a degree to show for it. Obviously you were not counting on him being home after high school but it is what it is.

Does he have friends? Is he social at all?

Hopefully his school counselors can give you more guidance on this? I'm sure he is not the first kid like this.

[Anonymous]

At this point, the only thing that is probably off the table is admission for undergrad to a highly selective college. That isn't the end of the world. Kids grow up a lot between sophomore year and when it is time to consider college plans. For now, I'd focus on supporting your son to have a productive summer break and starting strong in Junior year. College thoughts and discussions should probably come after you get a sense of how Junior year is going.

[Anonymous]

Maybe look for a college with dorms close by so he can come home if he gets anxiety. His coming home will probably slow down as he gets used to living in a dorm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he want?

He knows what major but doesn’t care where to go and ‘he’ll think of it next year’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want?

He knows what major but doesn’t care where to go and ‘he’ll think of it next year’

Which is totally normal for a 10th grader. Chill and let him be a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to go to college? If he does, there is a school that will be a good fit for him. But if he doesn't, that's ok. Look through the offerings of your local community college and see if anything seems interesting to him.

My kid had mostly Bs, with some Cs and a few As. She's starting college in the fall at her dream school (with merit) to study her passion.

Honestly college was just an expectation and he never objected. He is ok to start at a CC and the way I see it, he might settle on a AA degree.
I am just asking if it’s ok if he doesn’t have a ‘true’ college experience like living in a dorm or if he goes to a commuter school (even if he dorms there). Or should I explain to him what he’d be missing? If anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want?

He knows what major but doesn’t care where to go and ‘he’ll think of it next year’

Which is totally normal for a 10th grader. Chill and let him be a teen.

So if he only gets into a CC or like a second or third tier, mostly commuter school (we are in CA so let’s say CSU Northridge), it’s not a reflection on me as a parent? I myself was at a mediocre school for undergrad and then at a great one for masters and I do have some regret not trying for a better school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to go to college? If he does, there is a school that will be a good fit for him. But if he doesn't, that's ok. Look through the offerings of your local community college and see if anything seems interesting to him.

My kid had mostly Bs, with some Cs and a few As. She's starting college in the fall at her dream school (with merit) to study her passion.

Honestly college was just an expectation and he never objected. He is ok to start at a CC and the way I see it, he might settle on a AA degree.
I am just asking if it’s ok if he doesn’t have a ‘true’ college experience like living in a dorm or if he goes to a commuter school (even if he dorms there). Or should I explain to him what he’d be missing? If anything?

If you can afford it without pain then yes, going away to a 4-year college is a wonderful, enriching, and maturing experience for most kids. He will be missing out if he forgoes that opportunity. It is not the only valid path, but it's a great one. Only if he's willing to commit to the academics though. If not, it's not worth the financial investment. He's still so young, I'd want him to give it a try at least.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you enroll him in community college then have him transfer to a state college. He will get two years to mature at home, then two years of a dorm experience. That way, he gets a college degree for the least amount of money, and still gets to live on or near campus.

This only works for some majors, though, since community colleges don't teach everything. So first you need to start exploring with him what subjects he's interested in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want?

He knows what major but doesn’t care where to go and ‘he’ll think of it next year’

Which is totally normal for a 10th grader. Chill and let him be a teen.

So if he only gets into a CC or like a second or third tier, mostly commuter school (we are in CA so let’s say CSU Northridge), it’s not a reflection on me as a parent? I myself was at a mediocre school for undergrad and then at a great one for masters and I do have some regret not trying for a better school.

Were your parents neglectful losers? What about the other kids you grew up with who started at CCs or went to schools with 80+ percent acceptance rates (many of whom probably, like you, went on to be successful)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want?

He knows what major but doesn’t care where to go and ‘he’ll think of it next year’

Which is totally normal for a 10th grader. Chill and let him be a teen.

So if he only gets into a CC or like a second or third tier, mostly commuter school (we are in CA so let’s say CSU Northridge), it’s not a reflection on me as a parent? I myself was at a mediocre school for undergrad and then at a great one for masters and I do have some regret not trying for a better school.

With those grades he will not only get into a community college. You need therapy for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, there is still some time for him to mature and course correct. Don't write him off yet. A's and B's is not awful. You are likely just spending too much time hanging around DCUM where everyone's children are perfect and their poop doesn't stink. It is not like he has straight C's or is getting in trouble or something like that. Back in our day (the 90s) there were tons of kids just like your child who went to decent colleges and did fine. I had friends like that in HS who went to Maryland from out of state.

You know your kid. If you think he will go away to college and just screw around and fail out, then don't waste your time or money. It is an important life experience but not if he pisses it away.

Lots of kids find community college to be a great bridge for kids to grow up, figure out what they want to do, and they finish with a degree to show for it. Obviously you were not counting on him being home after high school but it is what it is.

Does he have friends? Is he social at all?

Hopefully his school counselors can give you more guidance on this? I'm sure he is not the first kid like this.

Well it’s a competitive HS he is at, so DCUM is not the only source of my anxiety haha.

He does have friends and is reasonably social.

I have no idea how he adjusts to dorm life or to a far away college, but what I’d like to know is whether it’s ok to not encourage that if he doesn’t care. It’s actually more convenient for me if he stays home, I just don’t want to make him miss an important experience.

I also do have a clear picture of where he might get in, and between his relatively niche major and his mediocre grades these aren’t very high ranked schools. I hope he gets more info from his guidance counselor next year but I doubt it will change much.

I guess my main question is whether it’s ok for me to stop pushing him and let him be a mediocre student and college applicant