Unlucky at love

[Anonymous]

I’m 37f, feeling hopeless. Struggle with body issues, medical conditions that ruined my self-esteem, and eventually became a hermit since I graduated high school. Working from home and an on/off office job. Not great money but I lived with family. I gained a significant amount of weight due to depression and medical conditions, impacting my self-esteem even further. I think high school, as stupid as it sounded, shaped me because I had many girls who hated me, a male friend who was not a good guy, and lots of men who often told me I was unattractive but doable.

This caused severe depression. I dealt with medical conditions - spinal stenosis and chronic pain, gerd, pcos, endo, and chronic BV. I gained 140lbs, significant stretch marks everywhere - all up and down arms and forearms, breast, stomach, shoulders, back, hips, thighs, butt, and legs. This has been impacted by weight gain but I already had them on my upper arms, butt, thighs, and hips and breasts as a skinny teen at 15. Suffer from bad rosacea too.

I want to change my life. Lost 140lbs, got a different job, and plan to pursue another lucrative career. I feel I can accomplish this. I just don’t think I will ever find love. I think most men will see me a red flag. I’ve had one partner and that was back in high school. No one since then. My life choices, body, and medical conditions ( specifically BV) left me too ashamed to date or be intimate with anyone. Now I’m in a position where I feel I’m too old, not super attractive, saggy breasts, loose skin, and those unsightly stretch marks. My chances of kids are never going to happen. I feel like if I started sooner, maybe life would be different, but I don’t believe so. I don’t drink and can’t with my medical conditions. I’m an introvert and homebody at heart. Men in general never found me attractive, and I don’t believe they will now. How do I cope with knowing I will never find love?

[Anonymous]

a better attitude?

[Anonymous]

Consider therapy to work through all of your issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:a better attitude?

+100

This isn't about being "unlucky," OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Consider therapy to work through all of your issues.

I have been and I am in therapy. I also lived a very dysfunctional chaotic childhood. A mother who often body shamed me ( I was always petite as a kid and teen) but she often referred to me as her “ ugly kid” and her and my dad always said “ don’t you think you need to lose weight or tone up.” I was 5’2”, 115lbs until I was 20.

I also dealt with abuse ( by my parents) and SA ( by my brother) that I’ve been in therapy for.

[Anonymous]

Too late. Buy cats.

[Anonymous]

Another troll post from the same troll.

They're highly recognizable, because they all have the same spacing between paragraphs, and they all have approximately the same story length. As if the troll had asked Chat GPT to concoct stories of so many words with such and such ideas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Another troll post from the same troll.

They're highly recognizable, because they all have the same spacing between paragraphs, and they all have approximately the same story length. As if the troll had asked Chat GPT to concoct stories of so many words with such and such ideas.

I wish I were a troll.

[Anonymous]

People of all shapes, ages and finances find companions.

You need to let go of the past and just try to enjoy your life every day.

[Anonymous]

OP at 37, your life is definitely not over!

You still have plenty of time to make the changes that you want to make.

Start w/baby steps…..one day at a time.
Perhaps drink more water, then eat more green veggies 🥬, then take a walk around the block and so on.
Focus on developing better health habits like making sure you get plenty of rest + you prioritize your health more.
When you see the changes then your self-esteem will increase which will be a great confidence booster.
Also try focusing on your appearance more - - maybe get a new cut/color & but some new clothes too.

Put yourself out there more > get out of the house more + socialize!

Life is basically what you make it to be so to live the life you desire you will have to take the initiative.

Wishing you the best in your future endeavors!

[Anonymous]

BV is highly treatable with both OTC and prescription meds. The rest is not as easy but it’s all doable.

[Anonymous]

Use the same grit you found to do this "Lost 140lbs, got a different job, and plan to pursue another lucrative career" and apply it to dating. Fat ugly people fall in love and marry every day.