Losing Friends at the End of High School

[Anonymous]

Any one with a high school senior facing social challenges? This is the last week of school and DD is losing besties to new boyfriends and other friends. Almost seems as if the kids are developing new identities and no longer care to be friends. Most are not going off to the same college together so I don't think it's a separation thing. DD was popular in prior high school years but seems she has hardly any friends now. There are lots of parties taking place that she doesn't get invited to. I know they are graduating but seems painful to watch. Also she still has summer to live through and feels quite lonely while others are getting together.

Has this happened to others? And what did your DD do?

[Anonymous]

Assuming she really is the popular type then in 3-4 months she'll be a touse sorority pledge and won't even remember the names of those losers from high school.

[Anonymous]

Have you just been observing? Have you tried to provide a safe space for her to talk to you about how she's doing and how she's feeling? Did she have a falling out with people? Did social media play a role in the unraveling of her social circle? Is she headed for college, does she have a summer job, does her university offer any sort of freshman bridge program, can you make multiple family travel plans, can you help keep her busy this summer by doing things like shopping for dorm gear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you just been observing? Have you tried to provide a safe space for her to talk to you about how she's doing and how she's feeling? Did she have a falling out with people? Did social media play a role in the unraveling of her social circle? Is she headed for college, does she have a summer job, does her university offer any sort of freshman bridge program, can you make multiple family travel plans, can you help keep her busy this summer by doing things like shopping for dorm gear.

OP - she says she's fine with it but I know she's not. She didn't have a falling out, it just happened overnight it seems. Everyone got into college and decided to move on and build out other aspects of themselves. She on the other hand wasn't looking for boys and just wanted to savor the last months with her girlfriends. We will try to make travel plans and shopping for dorm gear. Trying to come up with activities but of course she doesn't want to spend much time with her family.

[Anonymous]

When it comes to the party thing, I bet for many of them she is welcome to attend, the problem comes when she doesn't have that one wingman friend who you can go with and that's hard. People talk about groups of friends but finding that one good friend is all that it really takes. Encourage her to reach out to more peripheral friends over the summer. Maybe a kid or two who wasn't part of her clique.

[Anonymous]

If she could get a job that would fill her calendar and wallet and she'll make work friends.

[Anonymous]

She needs to get a summer job and maybe take a class at community college and get ready for college. Focus on those things. Not people whose parties she might have gone to before never seeing them again anyway. The end just came a couple weeks early is all. Encourage her to focus forward.

[Anonymous]

+1 on the job. Hang out with new work friends. Have a summer boyfriend. Do road trips. Does she have a car?

[Anonymous]

Develop a summer plan: road trips, endurance training, getting clothes/necessities for college winter, hangout with gf or bf, time with parents, some screen time, lots of sleep.

[Anonymous]

As the mom of a senior who never found her people in HS, I am glad to be done with this chapter in her life. Looking forward the college years where she will have more than 100 people to choose from to make friends. She has plenty of friends outside of school...just her HS was not a good fit for her. I believe this experience made her more resilient and self aware. OP time for you daughter to move on. Girls are the worst...my son never had issues like this.

[Anonymous]

Many kids felt sad at the graduation ceremony this week but DC did not feel it. DC only felt happiness as she accomplished a lot in high school, and is ready for college life. Graduation ceremony is a ritual, goodbye to old friends and old routines, embracing the future.

[Anonymous]

It's just a lull

[Anonymous]

This happened to me senior year many years ago. I was more academic than most of my friends. So I spent my senior year very focused on visiting colleges, applications, activities, APs, etc. while my friends started partying more. It wasn't malicious but I gradually started being left out. They did a yearbook page and I was not included. I was not happy but was going to a college I was very excited about. I hung out some with other kids who I hadn't really been friends with - they were kind of nerdy and weird but it was something to do. Worked that summer, went to college early for a pre-orientation program so I could get out of town. Immediately made lots of friends at college and had a blast.

Then, interestingly, when we came home after freshman year, I reconnected with those friends. It was a bit awkward at first but life moved on and we hung out non-stop. We were at each other's wedding and I still stay in touch with all of them to differing degrees.

[Anonymous]

Im sorry, OP. That sounds hard. Your DD lis lucky to have a parent who is tuned in to her feelings and validates them. She will be fine. Her experience is not uncommon; sociological data show that the majority of high school friendships don't persist into adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Tom Hardy: “Slowly losing friends is a part of growing up. We don't lose friends; we just learn who the real ones are.”

Your DC just outgrew relationships. Not a big deal. Cherish those who stick around.