Daughter struggling with intense loneliness and hopelessness - what helps?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is struggling with situational depression. She’s very sad and sometimes has passive suicidal thoughts, and the reason feels “small,” which makes her feel guilty for feeling this way. She’s had many real losses in life already and has done grief support groups, so she keeps comparing herself to people going through objectively devastating things and feels ashamed that she’s this depressed over being single and wanting a partner so badly. She also feels guilty because she knows there are people grieving loved ones who desperately wanted to live, while she sometimes feels the opposite.

She’s still functioning and not in immediate danger, and says she would never do anything, but I’m still worried because she feels very hopeless and lonely underneath it all.

This doesn’t really feel like a meds situation so much as a loneliness/situational issue. I’d really appreciate any books, podcasts, support groups, online & in person resources, etc. that helped you or someone you know with loneliness, hopelessness around relationships, or situational depression.

[Anonymous]

Does she need therapy? I would encourage her to find a hobby. Maybe there is something that you could join her the first couple of times.

[Anonymous]

Meds definitely help with situationsituational depression. I would pursue meds Stat because she sounds really depressed. Also, exercise every day in the morning, ideally outside. Getting into running has been such a help to my mental health.

She's not going to be able to find someone to have a healthy relationship with until she addresses the depression.

Some kind of volunteering would help pull her out of her head and maybe meet people.

[Anonymous]

individual therapy and meds. same as for anyone else experiencing depression. she's passively suicidal and this isn't a meds situation?!?! what are you waiting for, her to become actively suicidal?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the find a hobby or two. It's life-changing. Also she needs to know someone can't be in a healthy relationship unless they can be alone - as paradoxical as that sounds. She is enough, whether anyone (man or woman) comes along. We don't know her age, but I will tell you as someone who struggled in 20s with loneliness (not for a guy but what to do with myself) though I didn't have mental health issues (ally here), finding two hobbies I became passionate about brought extreme happiness.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t want to attend therapy or take meds. She is trying to explore more hobbies and spends time outdoors. -OP

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she has plans to try to deal with this. Just be a person of support for her. Don't push her, don't question what she's doing, don't try to keep making suggestions. Just listen. If what she's doing isn't working, ask if she wants to brainstorm other ideas with you. I've had that kind of situational depression before. Wellbutrin was a game changer. It helped clear my mind enough for me to actually get involved and find other ways to help myself. And then I was able to get off the meds. My only regret was that I had been resistant to meds for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want to attend therapy or take meds. She is trying to explore more hobbies and spends time outdoors. -OP

Is she at home or living on her own? If she is at home, I would not hesitate to make getting on meds or seeing a therapist as a requirement for living at home. I would frame it as a short term solution (with getting outdoors and hobbies as the longterm solution). She is not committing to years of therapy or years of drugs. It's just a bridge to get her over the hump.

[Anonymous]

Definitely help her find a therapist quickly. If you share your general location, someone here will be happy to recommend a practice. If you’re in Montgomery County, I highly recommend the Center for Anxiety and Behavior Change in Rockville. My son sees Kathleen Gifford and she has been wonderful. We have also had luck at integrative Therapy or Greater Washington in Rockville and the Ross Center in Friendship Heights (or VA) for my other kids. If you can’t get into any of these, the Counseling Center Group has multiple locations and usually has quick availabilit but the quality and experience level of providers varies there and their rates are higher than others, so definitely ask for a free consultation with them before starting.

[Anonymous]

Volunteering. It gets people out of their own heads and woe is me thinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t want to attend therapy or take meds. She is trying to explore more hobbies and spends time outdoors. -OP

Is she at home or living on her own? If she is at home, I would not hesitate to make getting on meds or seeing a therapist as a requirement for living at home. I would frame it as a short term solution (with getting outdoors and hobbies as the longterm solution). She is not committing to years of therapy or years of drugs. It's just a bridge to get her over the hump.

She’s a rising college sophomore home for the summer. She’s not in any imminent danger, which is part of why she’s not interested in therapy or meds. She wants things to be different, and doesn’t think it will help. OP

[Anonymous]

What’s her social life like?

[Anonymous]

She needs hobbies, friends, other interests.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is like this too. What kind of volunteering activities are good for this age group?

[Anonymous]

Why is anybody even comparing her loneliness and desire for a partner with anything else? That's ridiculous. It's demeaning to her.