How did you help your adult child with depression?

[Anonymous]

My 19 yo has everything to be happy about. Literally succeeds at 90+% of everything (no one is perfect, ofc). Successful at college. Bright. Talented. Has friends.

DC has been in therapy and is on meds (transitioning to a new one) for the last couple of years. First, it was just for anxiety and now seems to have depression. Told me today that DC has been not happy for the last 2.5 mos.

I'm literally at a loss of what to do. We have tried to support DC as much as we can. But no amount of help, therapy, or positive results (in school, life, etc.) seems to help.

How have you supported your child with depression? It is eating me up and I'm bawling as I type this. How do we help DC get to the other side.

[Anonymous]

Maybe try to reframe depression not as sadness or not happy. I used to think of it the same way, honestly. However, depression can look like many things, and the meds can take a bit to get right. There's a reason why the disclaimers say that 'this anti-depression med, may cause depression'.

I think you're doing great by listening and staying engaged. As long as you're listening and asking questions that let you know they are attending to their overall mental and physical health, it should be fine. Only other thought - don't get caught up in expected timelines, it's a wait and see game, and putting a bookend on outcomes will just stress you out.

[Anonymous]

Thx. I'm having a really hard time with this rn (OP). Kid is home from school for the summer and it has been so hard dealing with them. Talks about the depression ALL.THE.TIME. When they don't want to do something or are pressed on something, there is an emotional meltdown and the depression is blamed. The kid who always used to sit with us, and laugh, and be so happy . . . . everyone else gets that. We don't.

Now we're meeting with them (kid and the therapist) which will no doubt involve shi---ng on us throughout, with all the things we have done wrong or are doing wrong. I can take it but . . . it's just too much.

I realize depression is a chemical imbalance and I've supported through counseling and meds and giving a wide berth. And this kid is so priviledged to have what neither I nor DH had: parents with enough money, who show their love, support, and help with anything asked for. (Before anyone says anything, DC does a lot on their own. We don't baby.)

I am just so sad watching my happy kid turn into this and so sad/angry that we get nothing but the bad from DC lately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 19 yo has everything to be happy about. Literally succeeds at 90+% of everything (no one is perfect, ofc). Successful at college. Bright. Talented. Has friends.

DC has been in therapy and is on meds (transitioning to a new one) for the last couple of years. First, it was just for anxiety and now seems to have depression. Told me today that DC has been not happy for the last 2.5 mos.

I'm literally at a loss of what to do. We have tried to support DC as much as we can. But no amount of help, therapy, or positive results (in school, life, etc.) seems to help.

How have you supported your child with depression? It is eating me up and I'm bawling as I type this. How do we help DC get to the other side.

I have the same issue, OP, and my child is in her late 20s.

I think you have to let go, and allow your child to figure it out.

It's so painful, but that's what you have to do. They are adults. If they reach out, help them, but aside from that, there's nothing you can do but keep busy with your own life.

[Anonymous]

Do they have something that keeps them busy and engaged? Something they care about? It doesn’t matter how perfect their life is, if a human has no purpose, no higher aims, no challenges they’ve overcome, then life can be pretty bleak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have something that keeps them busy and engaged? Something they care about? It doesn’t matter how perfect their life is, if a human has no purpose, no higher aims, no challenges they’ve overcome, then life can be pretty bleak.

Yes, college. College athletics. Pets. Family that loves her. We take her to travel and DC has been all over the world. Friends. Working towards a good career.

[Anonymous]

I think the young adult needs to find a therapist who can help them move forward and who is in touch with the prescribing doctor. A chemical imbalance may not be something one gets over, but rather learns to manage. It does not mean one is a failure, but it can be hard to diagnose since in many cases it surfaces in undergrad or graduate years where the new pressures hit and the transitions of life are hard.
Our oldest probably had four instances of pulling out or not knowing if one would get it together to complete a graduate program over a 7 year period. Educational performance was maintained which definitely gave her opportunities, but the strain on sibling relations and us her parents were real.

At a certain point we told her she had to stay
where she was in grad school to get services there because we could not afford private pay if she can back. Back then health insurance
did not go to 26 so we did COBRA to age 24
I think. Today, with poor job market for college grads, for one with mental health, I would suggest keeping them in family insurance to help them stable given the unknown job scene. It may be possible to have coverage via COBRA till age 29 and in some cases necessary. She stabilized in mid-20s and ha as had a full life either job, marriage, two children, but she has a good medical team to keep in balance.