Teen seems completely withdrawn and dependent
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Anonymous
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My stepdaughter is turning 18 soon and I’m increasingly worried about her. Her mom isn’t in the picture. She used to be a very high-achieving student (4.0 through sophomore year), talked about big plans for the future, and seemed motivated. Then something shifted. She started failing classes junior year, got multiple Cs, and senior year started with straight Fs. She is now barely graduating and says she has no interest in college, trade school, or any further education at all.
She only leaves the house for school, nothing else. She takes a 3-4 hour nap after school, and wakes up at 2pm on weekends, though she goes to bed at 10 or 11. She doesn’t participate in activities, has no hobbies or passions that I can tell besides being on her phone/social media, and doesn’t really maintain friendships even though she has a few acquaintances. At home, she does very little independently. She doesn’t do chores (including cleaning her room) or laundry and gets upset if I don’t wash her clothes for her. She doesn’t want to drive and hasn’t gotten her permit yet. She isn’t interested in learning life skills like cooking and relies on me to make meals for her. Sometimes she just orders fast food and that will be her only meal for the day. She acts helpless with a lot of everyday things and has the dependence level of a much younger child. She whines and cries about everything. For example, if I’m going to the store she’ll ask me to buy everything for her or when we’ll get this or that, or she’ll say there’s “nothing to eat” while standing in front of a full fridge because she doesn’t know what to make for herself. She constantly asks questions about things instead of trying to figure things out on her own. The only positive thing she does do is that she goes outside daily with her younger siblings (2-3hrs), takes them to the park, and plays with them daily outside and indoors (plays games, watches TV, etc). I know all teens are different, but she seems so disconnected from life compared to other kids her age. What can we do to help? |
Anonymous
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This sounds like full-on depression. You don't mention what her dad thinks about this.
That kind of crash and dramatic pivot makes me wonder if something had happened to her. SA or a terrible breakup or blowup with friends and now she's an outcast? Or just an undiagnosed mental health issue or learning disability that reared its head? This is a kid in crisis who needs some help. |
Anonymous
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I am shocked that you wrote all this without an alarm bell going off in your head. Lady, this kid is in a deep depression and needs to be medicated.
I’d also be concerned something dramatic happened (s. assault) based n the dramatic shift. Educate yourself. A simple checklist of depression symptoms will do. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like a mental health issue. |
Anonymous
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This is really concerning, OP. She needs help, quickly. Where is her dad in all of this?
It sounds like her family life alone is enough to cause some mental health issues. Is she truly responsible for 2-3 hours of childcare daily for her younger siblings?? Add to that her mom is not in the picture, her dad doesn't seem to be paying attention, and I assume those siblings are younger half-siblings, this is a TOUGH hand she has been dealt. You are complaining she whines all the time and asks you questions but maybe that's the only way she gets attention. She needs HELP! Why have you all let this go on so long? |
Anonymous
| She's depressed. I would think something traumatic happened to her. Maybe she was rped? |
Anonymous
My first thought as well. Or something related to her mom? Op, what’s the backstory there? |
Anonymous
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Why isn’t her mom in the picture? Mental health issues are highly genetic.
She sounds severely depressed. Mental health issues can suddenly appear in the teen years, or something bad happened to her. The helplessness is mental overwhelm, which goes along with that. You need to take her like tomorrow for this. |
Anonymous
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This has gone on two full school years and you're only just concerned a month before graduation? Something is not making sense here.
This poor child is severely depressed. |
Anonymous
+1 and where the hell is Dad? |
Anonymous
| Wasn't there a poster who was a stepparent with a teen who wasn't going to graduate because they didn't order their cap and gown in time? And one with another stepkid/teen with similar issues (helpless/depressed)? I smell troll. |
Anonymous
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Where is this child’s other parent? Doing nothing isn't an option |
Anonymous
| She doesn’t seem depressed, and has said that she isn’t depressed, refuses to see a therapist. Her grades started declining junior year, and the pressure of trying to figure things out for the future caused her to receive straight Fs, the first part of the year. She never really did things outside of the house often before, but now chooses not to leave home at all. She isn’t responsible for babysitting. She does actually go outside and genuinely play with the kids.-OP |
Anonymous
Okay, then, I guess everything is just fine! I think you are a troll. And you may even be the same one that keeps responding to people's messages about leaving their kids at home for 6 days. |
Anonymous
Everything isn’t fine, and that’s why I came here to ask. How can we help if she doesn’t want to see a therapist and nothing will motivate her to? |