Invited to shower but not wedding.

[Anonymous]

I’m a bit taken aback. The wedding is not an elopement or courthouse situation, around 100 people are invited. Would you go? The bride is actually lovely but I find it a bit offensive.

FWIW, I had a fairly small wedding (~60 people) so my shower was quite small as my ‘invite pool’ was limited to women who were actually invited to the wedding. And of them, I only invited a few close friends/family.

[Anonymous]

Who is this person? Are you close?

If it’s someone at work then it would be common. I’m often invited to showers for people I really don’t know because they mass invite everyone. There are no rules, go if you want to. Decline if you don’t want to go.

[Anonymous]

I would send a small gift and decline the invitation.

[Anonymous]

You absolutely do not go to the shower. That is a gift grab, and unless there is a good reason, quite insulting.

[Anonymous]

I am in my late 40s now so most of my peers married nearly 20 years ago. Even back then, the method of inviting to the shower and not the wedding was a well known gift grab technique.

It's tacky and translates to being good enough to give me a gift but not for the cost of the plate. I would decline and not send a gift. "Congratulations" when you see her is good enough.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely weird to invite someone to a shower but not the wedding.

If you know and like the bride or her mom—and you want to retain relations—then go. But don’t feel obligated to attend. It’s just as easy to rsvp regrets, and it’s entirely up to you whether to send a token gift.

[Anonymous]

More specifically, it means they prefer a fancier wedding over a full guest list.
I've been to weddings for 400 at ethnic community centers that are more loving and joyful than Ritz Carlton black tie affairs for 80

[Anonymous]

I would not go to the shower and wouldn’t send a gift either. No question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is this person? Are you close?

If it’s someone at work then it would be common. I’m often invited to showers for people I really don’t know because they mass invite everyone. There are no rules, go if you want to. Decline if you don’t want to go.

Pretty normal for work or similar friend groups.
Especially if it's a fancier shower it's not a gift grab! You're going to get a meal and drinks just like a wedding and maybe a more fun and relaxed environment. No DJ or forced dancing. Mayyyybe a speech. Just buy something small off their registry.

[Anonymous]

Best of both worlds lol. I’d be thrilled!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is this person? Are you close?

If it’s someone at work then it would be common. I’m often invited to showers for people I really don’t know because they mass invite everyone. There are no rules, go if you want to. Decline if you don’t want to go.

+1 pretty normal in a workplace

[Anonymous]

It depends on how well you know the person. I've been invited to showers for co-workers, book club members, tennis team members, etc but would never expect to be sent an invite to their actual wedding. This is not something to be personally offended about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how well you know the person. I've been invited to showers for co-workers, book club members, tennis team members, etc but would never expect to be sent an invite to their actual wedding. This is not something to be personally offended about.

Same. I would feel weird about it if it were a friend I considered close or a family member who was not having a tiny wedding. Otherwise it's often a way to celebrate with groups of people like in my choir or garden club or office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how well you know the person. I've been invited to showers for co-workers, book club members, tennis team members, etc but would never expect to be sent an invite to their actual wedding. This is not something to be personally offended about.

^Also gift grabs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not go to the shower and wouldn’t send a gift either. No question.

This. This is super tacky.