Would you move away from ex?

[Anonymous]

My ex and I have been divorced for 5 years. We have an 11 year old who will be headed to middle school. We don’t live near any family. We divorced because he was physically and verbally abusive and cheated.

When we first split I prioritized making sure we lived close to each other so he could see our kid regularly. I had hoped as rime went by and we didn’t have to interact with each other much our relationship would be cordial and hostilities would dissipate. However, that hasn’t been the case and he openly and vehemently hates me shows this to our kid. His anger scares me as he’s chocked me multiple times during marriage.

Our kid treats me like crap, often replicating the disrespectful ways he treats me. I got laid off some months ago and have been wondering if this is a good time to just move out of state for a new job? And perhaps raise our kid closer to family. I don’t think he would object. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I mean, isn't there some court order saying how far you can move away from him? How would visitation with the child work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, isn't there some court order saying how far you can move away from him? How would visitation with the child work?

Yes, there is, but I don’t think he would object to changing it so I have full custody.

[Anonymous]

Exact same story. I moved away my relationship with son improved by a great margin. Be prepared that the father will be completely absent once two of you are outside his angry reach. That was traumatic as well for my son.

But overall great idea !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, isn't there some court order saying how far you can move away from him? How would visitation with the child work?

Yes, there is, but I don’t think he would object to changing it so I have full custody.

You think your kid won't want to visit their father who makes them feel powerful enough to be abusive to their mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, isn't there some court order saying how far you can move away from him? How would visitation with the child work?

Yes, there is, but I don’t think he would object to changing it so I have full custody.

You think your kid won't want to visit their father who makes them feel powerful enough to be abusive to their mother?

There is so much wrong with it ! Abusive parenting don’t make their kids feel “powerful”. They diminish their self esteem . My ex was screaming at son, kicking him out in a shirt in winter. Kids loose a benchmark of heathy communication and relationships. They think this type of behavior towards weaker person (a woman, a dog , a child) is the right way to reassert themselves

OP - I was able to break the cycle moving away. You and your child need to be in therapy to rebuild a healthy relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, isn't there some court order saying how far you can move away from him? How would visitation with the child work?

Yes, there is, but I don’t think he would object to changing it so I have full custody.

My cousin's ex didn't even see their kid (or pay child support ever) but he successfully her out of state move when she got a promotion. It's a very common abuse tactic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex and I have been divorced for 5 years. We have an 11 year old who will be headed to middle school. We don’t live near any family. We divorced because he was physically and verbally abusive and cheated.

When we first split I prioritized making sure we lived close to each other so he could see our kid regularly. I had hoped as rime went by and we didn’t have to interact with each other much our relationship would be cordial and hostilities would dissipate. However, that hasn’t been the case and he openly and vehemently hates me shows this to our kid. His anger scares me as he’s chocked me multiple times during marriage.

Our kid treats me like crap, often replicating the disrespectful ways he treats me. I got laid off some months ago and have been wondering if this is a good time to just move out of state for a new job? And perhaps raise our kid closer to family. I don’t think he would object. What would you do?

I have experience in this area. I would do it. Just be strategic now bc ex will likely consider using this at some point. Soften him up, use $ if you have to.

But you must move by family. Make sure your dc has support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, isn't there some court order saying how far you can move away from him? How would visitation with the child work?

Yes, there is, but I don’t think he would object to changing it so I have full custody.

You think your kid won't want to visit their father who makes them feel powerful enough to be abusive to their mother?

There is so much wrong with it ! Abusive parenting don’t make their kids feel “powerful”. They diminish their self esteem . My ex was screaming at son, kicking him out in a shirt in winter. Kids loose a benchmark of heathy communication and relationships. They think this type of behavior towards weaker person (a woman, a dog , a child) is the right way to reassert themselves

OP - I was able to break the cycle moving away. You and your child need to be in therapy to rebuild a healthy relationship

IME just working on the relationship is much better than forced therapy. No teen wants to be in therapy with their mom. It is a time and money suck. Ops time would be better spent doing a few sessions alone with a very good family therapist with significant experience with teens, and then taking some strategies to use with dd.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, isn't there some court order saying how far you can move away from him? How would visitation with the child work?

Yes, there is, but I don’t think he would object to changing it so I have full custody.

My cousin's ex didn't even see their kid (or pay child support ever) but he successfully her out of state move when she got a promotion. It's a very common abuse tactic.

Yeah, I think OP needs to apply for the job with an understanding she may not be able to take it in the end or may need to leave her son with ex. I think OP should consult an attorney if she can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Move away. Get into a more healthy environment for you and your child. I have 50 days left before I move my 11 year old 3000 miles away, with no objection from ex. He doesn't pay child support. He also doesn't want any visitation. Kid is fine. Yes, he's been in therapy. And he is happy to be moving.

[Anonymous]

Move

[Anonymous]

Yes if you can wrangle it legally then by all means do so!

Your child is being negatively influenced by his Father and needs to get away from him stat.