6th grade parent drama
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Our town has a travel soccer team that's coached by volunteer dads. The problem is, each year, there is no movement on the team because the moms of the players have formed a clique, and have said openly that they don't want to change up the team (like, ever) since they all enjoy hanging out together so much. This year, the kids are 6th graders and some of them have started growth spurts and some have not. I went to the tryouts, and a few kids who are new to the town were phenomenal players- they looked older (they weren't), and they were stronger and just better. The "evaluators" (aka the dads) didn't even bother to watch them much, and lo and behold, the team was announced and there were no changes to the roster. For the 4th year in a row.
FWIW this doesn't happen with any other grade's travel team- there is always at least some movement from year to year, based on kids working hard in the off season to earn a spot and other kids focusing on other interests. This is unique to this grade of boys. What if anything can the other parents do about this? And I guess since I know the answer is "nothing" since it's volunteer run (and no, the coaches are fully against other parents coming to help volunteer beyond their clique of volunteer dads- I know this because my husband, a former college soccer player, volunteered to help and they refused), I'm mostly curious how common this is in other areas? Like, can't these moms and dads have their social lives even if their kids aren't on the same soccer team?? Like I don't care if I'm not friends with these moms, they can hang out without me all they want. But why does that mean they'd exclude my kid from the team, if my kid is objectively better than theirs? (This isn't even sour grapes about my own kid, at least not much- he accepted an offer on a team across town that's actually a much better team, it's just less convenient than the team down the street that his friends are on!) |
Anonymous
|
This sounds really obnoxious.
I think the only thing you could really do is start another travel team. How big is the town? If this team really makes it impossible for anyone new to join, and there's enough interest outside that clique, it wouldn't even be that hard. Where I live there are lots of travel teams and other problems (people being hyper competitive between teams, an ever spiraling competition to spend more and more money, a weird fixation on having travel teams go to games well outside the area even though there are tons of competitive teams locally, etc.) but this particular issue doesn't arise because you can try out for multiple teams. Also a lot of teams here have hired coaches, not parent volunteers, which changes the dynamics somewhat. But not that much, as there is still often a core group of parents who are close to the coach and still control the team for the most part. But good coaches will not turn down excellent players just to appease that group, there's usually some churn on teams as kids quite or move and others come in. |
Anonymous
True, we could- this year about 30 boys tried out for a 15 (I think?) player roster. So if they'd taken all of the kids, they could have had 2 teams. But to be honest, the second team would include some boys who really shouldn't be on a travel team, or who wouldn't even be interested in the commitment once the season started. I think if a second team had been formed way earlier, it would have worked, but a lot of boys gave up trying to try out after the first 2 years. Also, when my husband offered his coaching services he said he floated the idea of two teams and the other dads shot it down (two of them run the whole league both rec and travel, and they;re good at running the league if I'm being honest so that's fine, but they said the town only has resources for one team per grade- I think in the past they'd tried to have 2 teams in some grades where there was a ton of interest, but it became a lot to manage). What you describe also sounds pretty miserable so maybe I should be happy that the drama involves this one town team, and not myriad expensive teams. |
Anonymous
| ^^anyways, I guess this is more of a vent, and it's less about soccer as it is about these parents who are living vicariously through their kids to this extent! I think they feel like it's not an exclusive mean girl clique if it's just "oh well our kids are all on the same team so we always hang out saturday evenings after their games since we're all there anyways and the boys are friends!". If they didn't have the team as the excuse, they'd struggle to not look like a weird middle aged mom clique. I mean, one of them made shirts for the group last year that they all wore out to happy hour together after a tournament, with their kid's soccer numbers on the back. I don't get it. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like they value their community more than winning. That sounds refreshing. It’s soccer. There are a gazillion teams out there find a new one. |
Anonymous
|
I would say the solution would be to form a second travel team. Even if the kids aren’t stellar or win championships, at least the boys get to play.
|
Anonymous
You sound jelly |
Anonymous
I’ve seen this before and eventually it breaks down. How old are the kids? By 11/12, kids realize what’s happening. Some want to move on to different sports, some want to win and will look around and resent their parents and the coach for the composition of the team, and parents will realize that (gasp), the team is for the kids, and not for them. |
Anonymous
Sure, but then don't have tryouts. |
Anonymous
+1 It's not fair to the kids who try out but don't know the whole thing is rigged. |
Anonymous
| Just try out for a different team. They're volunteers and allowed to make those choices they want to make. |
Anonymous
But they don't value their community! It's a group of 10ish moms, many of whom have known eachother since high school, who have banded together, whose kids all just happened to make this team in second grade that was coached by a few of their dads. Now don't get me wrong- these kids are good soccer players, none of them are out there picking buttercups and crying when it's their turn to play. But they are excluding literally the rest of the community by not allowing any other kids to ever make the team. How do you think people feel when they are new to town and their kid wants to try out for soccer and they're met with this stone wall of "well, this team is actually sort of a closed group, sorry!" |
Anonymous
I agree and as I said in my post, that's exactly what my son did, and I also said I knew there was no real recourse here. I wish they'd let us also volunteer, since my husband was actually a D1 soccer player, and tried to, but they're not interested in letting anyone else into the circle. It's just a crappy dynamic in an otherwise really nice town. It reminds me of middle school. As I said in my previous post, I know this is mainly a vent about cliquish parents and less an actual advice seeking post about soccer teams. |
Anonymous
| Not sure what grade this is but just go try out for another team. Are you in DC or a small town? Here there is no shortage of teams |
Anonymous
|
6th grade. So, 11-12. Which makes it even funnier since some of the kids that tried out this spring were in puberty and clearly larger and stronger and faster than some other kids , and with equal or better skills, but still NO movement on the roster. I felt bad for them.
And we are not in the DC area and yes there are other teams (as I said, my son made a better team after not making this team, but it’s across town and less convenient than this one in our neighborhood that’s filled with his friends from school.) |