Tell me your adult child’s success story if

[Anonymous]

Please tell me your adult child’s success story if they didn’t go to Ivy or Ivy+ college. In need of perspective from more experienced parents here. I am mom of HS junior and DC’s friends (from school, family , sports etc) who are seniors are all heading to Ivy and Ivy+ colleges. The obsession with prestige is real in this area. All these kids and their parents are so impressed with themselves. My DC is worried they won’t get into this type of school and they will be ‘the loser’ of the bunch despite my efforts to tell them that isn’t how it works. But it is getting to me too and I am becoming more anxious than I want to be. These parents constantly make comments when I mention schools my child hopes to get into with ‘oh that was my DC’s safety school - no one goes there unless they have to’. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Why are you talking about your kid and schools with anyone? Stop talking. It’s personal and private.

“We’re not sure yet. Just keeping options open. They all land in the right place. Do you think it will rain later?”

[Anonymous]

You can’t be serious, OP. The vast majority of successful adults didn’t go to Ivy schools. And many who went to Ivies became miserable adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me your adult child’s success story if they didn’t go to Ivy or Ivy+ college. In need of perspective from more experienced parents here. I am mom of HS junior and DC’s friends (from school, family , sports etc) who are seniors are all heading to Ivy and Ivy+ colleges. The obsession with prestige is real in this area. All these kids and their parents are so impressed with themselves. My DC is worried they won’t get into this type of school and they will be ‘the loser’ of the bunch despite my efforts to tell them that isn’t how it works. But it is getting to me too and I am becoming more anxious than I want to be. These parents constantly make comments when I mention schools my child hopes to get into with ‘oh that was my DC’s safety school - no one goes there unless they have to’. Sigh.

It is but the decision of whether you want to play the game is up to you and your child. My 3 kids went to in-state U (cheaper and scholarships) and one got phd from MIT engineering, and two doctors. AND, no loans!

[Anonymous]

To be honest, when I hear of a kid who’s going to an Ivy, my initial instinct is to feel sorry for them.

[Anonymous]

All I can say from the other side of this is that it ends and it will be fine. The part you’re in right now is awful and feels like it will last forever but it doesn’t. Try to minimize college talk (good luck), have mantras about finding the right fit and everyone landing where they’re meant to be. But now that my DS is wrapping up freshman year at college, I can say that part where the pressure and stress is sky high feels like a distant memory and things are in perspective again.
You truly do want them to go somewhere and be happy. Chasing prestige is actually a terrible idea in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me your adult child’s success story if they didn’t go to Ivy or Ivy+ college. In need of perspective from more experienced parents here. I am mom of HS junior and DC’s friends (from school, family , sports etc) who are seniors are all heading to Ivy and Ivy+ colleges. The obsession with prestige is real in this area. All these kids and their parents are so impressed with themselves. My DC is worried they won’t get into this type of school and they will be ‘the loser’ of the bunch despite my efforts to tell them that isn’t how it works. But it is getting to me too and I am becoming more anxious than I want to be. These parents constantly make comments when I mention schools my child hopes to get into with ‘oh that was my DC’s safety school - no one goes there unless they have to’. Sigh.

If this is actually true, then you kind of set yourself up for this when you chose the environment in which to raise your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me your adult child’s success story if they didn’t go to Ivy or Ivy+ college. In need of perspective from more experienced parents here. I am mom of HS junior and DC’s friends (from school, family , sports etc) who are seniors are all heading to Ivy and Ivy+ colleges. The obsession with prestige is real in this area. All these kids and their parents are so impressed with themselves. My DC is worried they won’t get into this type of school and they will be ‘the loser’ of the bunch despite my efforts to tell them that isn’t how it works. But it is getting to me too and I am becoming more anxious than I want to be. These parents constantly make comments when I mention schools my child hopes to get into with ‘oh that was my DC’s safety school - no one goes there unless they have to’. Sigh.

Not going to lie about advantages of attending top colleges but that being said, if you don't get in or can't afford the cost, you can also use advantages of being big fish in a small pool and then go for grad or professional degree from top colleges or top programs at average colleges. Just do well in academics, find good internships, avail research opportunities and enjoy extracurriculars to make the most of whichever school you go to. Life is a marathon not a sprint.

[Anonymous]

The CEO of my company went to Marquette and has made at least $50M by the time he was 50. A bunch of super famous CEOs dropped out of college.

[Anonymous]

One of mine attended a school which ranked far below top 25 and eventually attended top grad school, amazing internships, job at a desired government agency then went into corporate world.

His friend attended our local state school then went to one of the top law school and then to a famous law firm.

Another one is at a top consulting firm after only an undergraduate degree from a low ranking lower school.

However, they were all motivated and bright students who only chose these schools for merit scholarships so they would've done well anywhere.

Most top school grads do well because top schools mostly admit top students, if they swapped students with community colleges, their outcomes wouldn't be as good.

[Anonymous]

Many many students from donut hole families who can't get aid and can't pay $100k x 4 for each kid's undergrad, end up at schools where they can get merit scholarships. Most top schools don't give merit scholarships so only affordable for wealthy or poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me your adult child’s success story if they didn’t go to Ivy or Ivy+ college. In need of perspective from more experienced parents here. I am mom of HS junior and DC’s friends (from school, family , sports etc) who are seniors are all heading to Ivy and Ivy+ colleges. The obsession with prestige is real in this area. All these kids and their parents are so impressed with themselves. My DC is worried they won’t get into this type of school and they will be ‘the loser’ of the bunch despite my efforts to tell them that isn’t how it works. But it is getting to me too and I am becoming more anxious than I want to be. These parents constantly make comments when I mention schools my child hopes to get into with ‘oh that was my DC’s safety school - no one goes there unless they have to’. Sigh.

Not going to lie about advantages of attending top colleges but that being said, if you don't get in or can't afford the cost, you can also use advantages of being big fish in a small pool and then go for grad or professional degree from top colleges or top programs at average colleges. Just do well in academics, find good internships, avail research opportunities and enjoy extracurriculars to make the most of whichever school you go to. Life is a marathon not a sprint.

This. I went to a flagship. My crowd was at the top of our class. We got free rides to prestige grad schools. And my best man who is smart but didn't even get great grades in college makes huge money because he did corporate CS/software development then went into software sales.

Most of the top execs in my Fortune 500 went to schools that snobs on this board haven't heard of or wouldn't consider (mainly more flagships and a local tech school). Their base pay packages are in the $500K to $2.XM range. Plus stock going up into the tens of $M. It's enough to live off of. LOL.

[Anonymous]

I am a successful attorney. The overwhelming majority of my peers did not go to an Ivy. Nor did the majority of parents at my kids’ private schools, yet they can afford $50K+ per year per child. Tons of successful adults graduated from state school, no-name colleges and some even didn’t go to college at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me your adult child’s success story if they didn’t go to Ivy or Ivy+ college. In need of perspective from more experienced parents here. I am mom of HS junior and DC’s friends (from school, family , sports etc) who are seniors are all heading to Ivy and Ivy+ colleges. The obsession with prestige is real in this area. All these kids and their parents are so impressed with themselves. My DC is worried they won’t get into this type of school and they will be ‘the loser’ of the bunch despite my efforts to tell them that isn’t how it works. But it is getting to me too and I am becoming more anxious than I want to be. These parents constantly make comments when I mention schools my child hopes to get into with ‘oh that was my DC’s safety school - no one goes there unless they have to’. Sigh.

Its not a healthy social environment if haves are smug and looking down upon while haven'ts are feeling envious and insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The CEO of my company went to Marquette and has made at least $50M by the time he was 50. A bunch of super famous CEOs dropped out of college.

The dropouts aren’t great examples…the ones everyone reads about dropped out of Harvard (Zuckerberg, Gates) or Stanford (Altman). It perpetuates the myth.

There is an Atlantic article just today about how Stanford freshmen are getting wined and dined by VCs and other people looking to invest in their next great idea.