Noah Lyles wedding dress video -- who can relate?

[Anonymous]

This video is making the rounds and people are ripping up Lyles for his response to his fiancé's (now wife's) wedding gown):

It broke my heart in part because I've been in that exact situation multiple times, including on my wedding day (not with my DH but with my parents, who were critical and had nothing nice to say) and it's devastating. You are vulnerable and hopeful and to just have it destroyed by someone who can only think of themselves in that moment. Ugh.

Hopefully it's just his anxiety and the heightened emotions of the day, but they should go to couples therapy to address this. His behavior is hurtful and embarrassing to her.

[Anonymous]

WOW, jitters don't make you become an ahole, which is what he definitely is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WOW, jitters don't make you become an ahole, which is what he definitely is.

This. Jitters may make you stumble over words a little or be temporarily speechless. This was not that. I've seen this reaction exactly once when I helped my friend with her "first look". Her (now ex) husband was a jerk so it was hardly surprising when he reacted how he did.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised there was so much backlash about this. Maybe I’m a poor read of body language but he just seemed stressed and anxious being the center of attention.

My DH dreaded the wedding because he’s just so shy (he didn’t want to elope because he’s also close with his whole family, just hated being in the hot seat.) DH’s way of dealing with it was to also minimize the emotional, romantic side of the day, and sort of act ‘cold’ and detached.

That doesn’t seem to match the energy of a world class athlete who performs his sport on a global stage though. I’d love to see footage of them cutting the wedding cake. If he smashed icing on her, then, yeah. It’s case closed - he’s a red flag waving jerk, to say the least.

[Anonymous]

Agree it's not just wedding jitters -- it's him having expectations for HIS day and being unable in that moment to put his wife's needs first, especially given that she is in a more vulnerable situation in the moment. But the wedding day anxiety no doubt made it worse.

I do think this is a behavior a person can improve on with self awareness and work. The question is if he would want to. My husband can be like this sometimes -- just in his own world and not understanding that it's a moment to support me. But he has been willing to put work in to improve and is better than he used to be.

It's a convergence of understandable emotional issues (anxiety, insecurity) bumping up against narcissism. The question is whether the narcissism is an all the time thing that touches every aspect of their personality, or it's just something that comes out under stress. The latter you can work with, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised there was so much backlash about this. Maybe I’m a poor read of body language but he just seemed stressed and anxious being the center of attention.

My DH dreaded the wedding because he’s just so shy (he didn’t want to elope because he’s also close with his whole family, just hated being in the hot seat.) DH’s way of dealing with it was to also minimize the emotional, romantic side of the day, and sort of act ‘cold’ and detached.

That doesn’t seem to match the energy of a world class athlete who performs his sport on a global stage though. I’d love to see footage of them cutting the wedding cake. If he smashed icing on her, then, yeah. It’s case closed - he’s a red flag waving jerk, to say the least.

But think how he likely uses stress and anxiety to his benefit when he competes. He probably lacks the skills for graciousness because he's so used to taking anxiety and channeling it into competition and aggression. So it actually makes sense to me that an Olympic athlete would be like this in a moment of personal stress, because you have to be so driven and competitive to get to that level.

I think the bigger test would be what he is like when they are alone together, when they are cleaning up the kitchen after dinner or on vacation or in other quiet moments. That doesn't mean he shouldn't be accountable for how he behaves in a moment like this -- he should be looking at the criticism he's getting here and asking him why people are reacting so negatively towards him. But I don't think it automatically means he's a terrible partner. It may me that this is a problem in how he handles big moments as a couple, and he need to find a new set of skills to figure that out.

I am a happily married person who kind of hated my wedding and while I wasn't mean to my fiancé that day, I don't know that I would want my entire personality evaluated by my behavior on a day where I was navigating a lot of stress, family issues, and discomfort with certain kinds of attention.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I know he should have faked nice, but in his defense, that dress is odd (the top anyway).

[Anonymous]

I also feel like the people calling him out online are being very mean. Sure, your wedding day can be a moment where you are extra attention each other, but it’s also one moment in hopefully a long lifetime of building a relationship together. In my marriage, we’ve both grown after a decade and are more gracious and supportive than ever. Particularly as we have been together longer we can ‘recognize when the other person is in a vulnerable position.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I know he should have faked nice, but in his defense, that dress is odd (the top anyway).

I think the dress is lovely and I also totally understand why she picked it -- she's also an athlete (Jamaican sprinter) and she wanted to have a moment where, yes, she felt like a very feminine princess.

But that's also likely why he responded the way he did. My sense is that she has never presented herself this way at all. She wears revealing track clothes while competing and when she's done formal and red carpet appearances, her style is pretty sexy and revealing. He probably had a moment of "wtf". Now, he needed to process that and show up for his wife, and he didn't, and that sucks. But I also get why he was surprised given what I know about her personal style.

Weddings can be really weird for people. It is often a really contrived situation that has little resemblance to your real life, and it can feel surreal and out of body as a result. I think that's where his reaction is coming from.

[Anonymous]

Why do people film and share heightened moments like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I know he should have faked nice, but in his defense, that dress is odd (the top anyway).

I think the dress is lovely and I also totally understand why she picked it -- she's also an athlete (Jamaican sprinter) and she wanted to have a moment where, yes, she felt like a very feminine princess.

But that's also likely why he responded the way he did. My sense is that she has never presented herself this way at all. She wears revealing track clothes while competing and when she's done formal and red carpet appearances, her style is pretty sexy and revealing. He probably had a moment of "wtf". Now, he needed to process that and show up for his wife, and he didn't, and that sucks. But I also get why he was surprised given what I know about her personal style.

Weddings can be really weird for people. It is often a really contrived situation that has little resemblance to your real life, and it can feel surreal and out of body as a result. I think that's where his reaction is coming from.

This is a really good assessment of the situation. It’s weird at weddings how everyone is staring at you trying to figure if it’s a good match, do you really love each other, will you stand the test of time, is your dress prettier than your sister’s, is the bride skinny enough, are they hiding a baby in the way, etc. Some people don’t have a good poker face. Some people don’t do surprises welll. That doesn’t make them a bad life partner - just a lame bride/groom.

[Anonymous]

He seemed surprised more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Lesson for men: just lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lesson for men: just lie.

Yes, unreservedly. No matter how your wife looks on your wedding day you tell her she’s the most stunning, radiant bride you’ve ever seen. A beautiful princess, an earth angel. Glowing goddess.

Every woman deserves that reaction. Even if she crashed her bike the day prior and has a huge gash on her face. Or a tremendous pimple. Or a bad sunburn. Or a dress in a different style than you expected.

There is no reason to be mean to the woman marrying you on your wedding day. It will only paint you, yourself, in a bad light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised there was so much backlash about this. Maybe I’m a poor read of body language but he just seemed stressed and anxious being the center of attention.

My DH dreaded the wedding because he’s just so shy (he didn’t want to elope because he’s also close with his whole family, just hated being in the hot seat.) DH’s way of dealing with it was to also minimize the emotional, romantic side of the day, and sort of act ‘cold’ and detached.

That doesn’t seem to match the energy of a world class athlete who performs his sport on a global stage though. I’d love to see footage of them cutting the wedding cake. If he smashed icing on her, then, yeah. It’s case closed - he’s a red flag waving jerk, to say the least.

Noah Lyles is not shy and does not seem to have an issue being the center of attention. Have you seen him in any interviews?