At what point do you stop pushing activities?

[Anonymous]

My 10yo complains about pretty much every sport or activity I try to sign her up for. She’s tried several things and was actually enjoying a ninja class for a few weeks, but now suddenly that is “boring” too.

At this point I am tired of fighting, tired of wasting money, and tired of dragging her to one weekly class while she complains in the back seat. I’m very tempted to just stop. No more trying to sell her on things. If she asks to do something, fine. Otherwise I’m done.

Is that terrible? Is 10 too young to just back off and stop trying for a while? And no, she does not have unlimited screen time or her own tablet.

Would love to hear from anyone who has been through this.

- Exhausted mom

[Anonymous]

Yes. You can back off.

I told my kids they need activities to apply to college but you don't have to do any before 9th grade. With the exception of in-school music. I said they each needed to try an instrument or choir and do it as a class.

My kids were not in sports...that's different.

Each of my kids ended up with a few beloved activities in high school.

DC 1 - Orchestra, Model UN, Drama Club

DC 2, School orchestra, Robotics team, Robotics mentoring, community youth orchestra

[Anonymous]

What is she doing if shes at home?

If she is playing with friends, drawing, reading, being creative etc in some way I dont think activities are needed.

If she is bored asking for you to entertain her, or wants constant screens then yes activities are good.

[Anonymous]

Back off in general. Our rule is one physical activity and one arts/music. At this point it's not the activity that's hard it's the practice that you need to do outside of the once a week class of whatever that's the challenge. Kids for whom lots of things we always easy are encountering having to actually work at something to progress. That's a skill I decided I need to teach my kid before high school. Doesn't matter if it's with a sport or an instrument etc.

[Anonymous]

Music was my kids' primary activity: DS sang in a youth chorus for many years, and DD has done youth orchestras, private lessons, volunteer gigs, and now also teaches younger students.

Then there was exercise. Since they hate team sports, both my son and daughter did ballet, gym and horseback riding at one period or another. Purely recreational, no competitions. We swam in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing if shes at home?

If she is playing with friends, drawing, reading, being creative etc in some way I dont think activities are needed.

If she is bored asking for you to entertain her, or wants constant screens then yes activities are good.

This. Eventually she will need stuff to put on her college apps so in middle school I’d start exploring so she has stuff to do come HS.

[Anonymous]

Get to a goal and you can stop. My kid learned music theory abs passed their keyboard test. They can stop piano. They got their black belt. They can stop.

I should say these are interests they picked out themselves, not put on them by mom and dad. After a while, they lost interest but still couldn't stop until they reached a goal.

[Anonymous]

Our rule was one physical activity (could be a sport or even yoga or running with mom or dad) and one other thing at that age (music or chess or art or whatever).

And one found their thing early (sports) and one took a while to find their passion (theater), but they both found something they loved to do

[Anonymous]

I never pushed activities. I did make my son finish the season or group of lessons though. He didn’t do anything in HS except for a club once a month. He likes to read and learned to cook in his free time. Both have served him well as an adult.

[Anonymous]

I'm in favor of balancing time on creative, social, academic and exercise... but I don't think that kids need to do activities to do all of them. However, if they choose an activity, they will finish it.

[Anonymous]

I would personally make her do one physical activity and one hobby (art, science, anything).

[Anonymous]

My kids are very much into sport. My oldest is the least athletic one, but still does 3 sports. 1 I make her do and the other two she likes to do them because they are team sports she does with her friends. I don’t think I would be ok with the my kids not doing any sports at all. My other two kids are Avery athletic and in multiple sports that they want to do and ask me to sign them up for.

On the other hand, they don’t do any music or theater…

[Anonymous]

What about after school clubs? Then you don't have to drag her

[Anonymous]

I think kids need something to stay physically active. Let her pick a sport, any sport, and then maybe avoid watching it to protect your peace. I think we need to show our kids that being physically active is important. Even golf is better than nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think kids need something to stay physically active. Let her pick a sport, any sport, and then maybe avoid watching it to protect your peace. I think we need to show our kids that being physically active is important. Even golf is better than nothing.

She doesn’t like sports, did you read it? You don’t have to play sports to be physically active. Some sports aren’t even very active or they are too short in time to be helpful. There are so many other ways to stay active.