Constant calls home

[Anonymous]

My 16 year old constantly talks in class, and receives office referrals. They call home, and usually leave a message, and it happens constantly. It feels overbearing, and like an issue that I shouldn’t be receiving calls about multiple times a week for. Shes a junior, and is a super social kid. She has been a talker since she was little, and has never had any behavioral or academic issues. It’s her personality to just talk, talk, talk, and I feel like at this age/grade level, they shouldn’t constantly be calling me about this. It’s usually two or three teachers, that do most of the calling home. It’s the end of the year, so my daughter is excited, and the calls have increased. Would it be okay for me to ask her teachers not to call? Is there a better approach to this?

[Anonymous]

I suggest you speak with your daughter and explain to her that her behavior is disrespectful. She should apologize to her teachers and make more effort not to talk during class. Ask her to handle the situation since she created it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you speak with your daughter and explain to her that her behavior is disrespectful. She should apologize to her teachers and make more effort not to talk during class. Ask her to handle the situation since she created it

She knows she shouldn’t be talking in class, and often does apologize, but she can’t control it. I’ve thought about asking them to make her sit somewhere away from friends for the next few weeks, because this will only get worse, but only one of her classes has assigned seating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old constantly talks in class, and receives office referrals. They call home, and usually leave a message, and it happens constantly. It feels overbearing, and like an issue that I shouldn’t be receiving calls about multiple times a week for. Shes a junior, and is a super social kid. She has been a talker since she was little, and has never had any behavioral or academic issues. It’s her personality to just talk, talk, talk, and I feel like at this age/grade level, they shouldn’t constantly be calling me about this. It’s usually two or three teachers, that do most of the calling home. It’s the end of the year, so my daughter is excited, and the calls have increased. Would it be okay for me to ask her teachers not to call? Is there a better approach to this?

You should ask your daughter not to talk in class.

[Anonymous]

If your 16 year old daughter is constantly talking in class and getting "office referrals" and they are calling you multiple times per week then you can't say she has never had any behavioral issues. She is having a major behavioral issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you speak with your daughter and explain to her that her behavior is disrespectful. She should apologize to her teachers and make more effort not to talk during class. Ask her to handle the situation since she created it

She knows she shouldn’t be talking in class, and often does apologize, but she can’t control it. I’ve thought about asking them to make her sit somewhere away from friends for the next few weeks, because this will only get worse, but only one of her classes has assigned seating.

At 16? This is really your attitude here? I know various special needs and disabilities can make impulse control more difficult - but surely she should be at least focusing on practicing the skill. Making excuses for her won't help.


Do you think there are consequences you could implement that would stand a realistic chance of modifying her behavior? In addition to the phone calls being apparently very inconvenient for you what she is doing is also harmful to (1) her education & (2) the classroom experience of the other students. Everyone loses here; something clearly needs to change.

Does she have an iep/504 and if so does it address how the school deals with disciplinary issues for her? Are they following it? Does it need to be modified in some way to be more effective?

[Anonymous]

It’s rare for teachers to take the time to call home about something like this. So it’s got to really be a problem. I can tell that you don’t think it’s a big deal, but imagine if you were at work delivering a presentation and one person talked constantly through it every time. Your daughter also is going to need to be in the work world at some point and needs to get this under control. The constant talking is also interrupting other kids’ ability to learn.

You should ask for a meeting with these teachers and your kid and an administrator and find out exactly what is going on and when and how often. Then a plan needs to be put in place to improve the behavior. Surely the school has a behavior expert who can help.

You show support by rewarding your kid at home for improvement and consequencing problems.

If she talks when instructions are being given, she stands in the hall for that part. Is she blurting out related comments, or making jokes, or asking questions without raising her hand? There is a lot of investigation to do here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suggest you speak with your daughter and explain to her that her behavior is disrespectful. She should apologize to her teachers and make more effort not to talk during class. Ask her to handle the situation since she created it

She knows she shouldn’t be talking in class, and often does apologize, but she can’t control it. I’ve thought about asking them to make her sit somewhere away from friends for the next few weeks, because this will only get worse, but only one of her classes has assigned seating.

1. Do you know why the teachers don't assign her a seat? I don't know any teachers who wouldn't do this.
2. Does she take ADHD meds to help with impulse control?

Willpower is a Myth: Why Systems Beat Self-Control Every Time
https://focusme.com/blog/willpower-is-a-myth-why-systems-beat-self-control-every-time/

[Anonymous]

Well this IS a behavior issue. There is a time to talk and a time to be quiet. They are probably calling you because her talking is preventing other kids from working or concentrating.

[Anonymous]

I would address this. At 16, she should be able to control the talking in class. No teacher expects pin drop silence. There are times kids can talk and times they shouldn’t. Does your daughter get extended time to complete assignments. There are some kids who misuse that accommodation and waste class time because they know they have extra time. I hope that is not your daughter

[Anonymous]

This is how my teen girl presented with ADD. If not already assessed for this, she should be...

[Anonymous]

If multiple teachers are calling, it's a problem. You don't mention whether this is a public or private school but public school teachers especially don't have time to be making calls for classroom behavior unless it's really disruptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s rare for teachers to take the time to call home about something like this. So it’s got to really be a problem. I can tell that you don’t think it’s a big deal, but imagine if you were at work delivering a presentation and one person talked constantly through it every time. Your daughter also is going to need to be in the work world at some point and needs to get this under control. The constant talking is also interrupting other kids’ ability to learn.

You should ask for a meeting with these teachers and your kid and an administrator and find out exactly what is going on and when and how often. Then a plan needs to be put in place to improve the behavior. Surely the school has a behavior expert who can help.

You show support by rewarding your kid at home for improvement and consequencing problems.

If she talks when instructions are being given, she stands in the hall for that part. Is she blurting out related comments, or making jokes, or asking questions without raising her hand? There is a lot of investigation to do here.

She doesn’t talk during instruction, but won’t raise her hand, etc. During times where students are allowed to talk, she talks a lot, and that’s what they call me about. All but one of the teachers who regularly, calls teach electives. The other one is her lab based science class. I can schedule a meeting to discuss this.

[Anonymous]

Is this some sort of strict, small, private school? There is no way anyone has time to call about excessive talking during time you are allowed to be talking in a large public school. That is insane. I would be like RBG and tell them to call the dad’s cell phone. As with RBG, it will likely reduce the volume of calls tremendously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is how my teen girl presented with ADD. If not already assessed for this, she should be...

Yup. One of my close coworkers is like OP describes. We work in an open environment (nurses in a hospital setting) and sometimes we have to banish her to a side area so she can get her charting done. Otherwise she talks and talks and talks.