Women with great husbands help me

[Anonymous]

How can I identify which qualities would. Take someone a good husband. No one ever taught me and I can’t seem to know the answer on my own.

[Anonymous]

Gurllllllllll

My husband has an amazing support system.
The women rally around alllllllll the younger men and women

I dont know why .. but it works

[Anonymous]

Many people tell me DH is great. There are days I agree and days I don't. More days I'm glad I'm with him than not. I think that's more than most people get.

For me, the things that matter might not be the same as for someone else.

At this point, I have a disease that may or may not kill me before I turn 60. In the meantime, DH sits with me every few weeks while I get stuck with needles and IVs. Just checking his phone...but he says he will do this for as long as he lives (which he still hopes is longer than me, even if that’s wishful thinking). Sometime 4 mos into dating, I realized he was this guy. That’s how I knew.

[Anonymous]

When I started dating my husband I discovered that he was an excellent pet owner (we both had a dog), he was a caring friend (he introduced me to them pretty early on and I got to see their relationships), he was a hard worker (we were both in pretty busy times in our careers), he was a very thoughtful person (he wanted to do nice things for me and he cared how I felt), and that he was responsible (his apartment was very clean and neat, his car was well-taken care of, etc.).

He was also very funny (which is important to me but may not be something you care about), very smart (I am as well so this has been important to both of us), very handsome (and still is, 20 years later), and very tall (which is obviously superficial but I'm tall for a woman and love that he's bigger than me). These things aren't as important big picture, but they're things I appreciate.

One thing I'll say that was a red flag was his father. The first time I met him (a few months into dating) I realized he was a verbally abusive ahole. I told my husband (boyfriend at the time) that (1) I would never tolerate his father speaking to me the way he spoke to his mom and I would absolutely not be quiet about it and (2) if my husband ever spoke to me or anyone else the way his dad father did I would be gone. He said he woke up every day trying to be a different man than his father, he was in therapy and actively working on it, and he had never acted like and never would. 20 years later, he has stuck to that. He is the sweetest, most loving, affectionate, thoughtful husband and father to our girls. The best thing I ever did in my life was marrying him.

[Anonymous]

^^^Sorry for the typos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I started dating my husband I discovered that he was an excellent pet owner (we both had a dog), he was a caring friend (he introduced me to them pretty early on and I got to see their relationships), he was a hard worker (we were both in pretty busy times in our careers), he was a very thoughtful person (he wanted to do nice things for me and he cared how I felt), and that he was responsible (his apartment was very clean and neat, his car was well-taken care of, etc.).

He was also very funny (which is important to me but may not be something you care about), very smart (I am as well so this has been important to both of us), very handsome (and still is, 20 years later), and very tall (which is obviously superficial but I'm tall for a woman and love that he's bigger than me). These things aren't as important big picture, but they're things I appreciate.

One thing I'll say that was a red flag was his father. The first time I met him (a few months into dating) I realized he was a verbally abusive ahole. I told my husband (boyfriend at the time) that (1) I would never tolerate his father speaking to me the way he spoke to his mom and I would absolutely not be quiet about it and (2) if my husband ever spoke to me or anyone else the way his dad father did I would be gone. He said he woke up every day trying to be a different man than his father, he was in therapy and actively working on it, and he had never acted like and never would. 20 years later, he has stuck to that. He is the sweetest, most loving, affectionate, thoughtful husband and father to our girls. The best thing I ever did in my life was marrying him.

I like the anecdote about the father. The first time I met my ILs was a St Patrick’s day dinner. FIL totally ignored MIL except to inform her that the corned beef was dry. I told my bf that if I went to the trouble of making a meal and he said something like that I’d never cook again. True to form he always compliments everything I make even if it’s a miss!
He’s also extremely responsible, clean and neat. He’s never sloppy or smelly.

[Anonymous]

DH is sensitive and emotional.
The problem is, my darling husband is sensitive and emotional

Every coin has a flip side

[Anonymous]

This obviously isn't 100% guaranteed but here are things I remember about DH when we were dating that made me know he would be a good husband (and 15 years later it's still true)

His apt was clean and organized
He cooked for himself
He had a close but not enmeshed relationship with his family
He still had close friends from high school
He worked hard at his job but it wasn't all consuming
He had legitimate interest in my life and interests
He had no problem hiding his emotions or being open with communication
He was incredibly supportive when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer
He made a big effort to become friends with my friends, and he still is extremely close with a lot of my friends' husbands (boyfriends at the time) and has become part of their larger circle of guy friends

[Anonymous]

I think you have to know what you want ( find the right person ) and know what you have to offer ( be the right person)

I always know what I want in relationships. I have alwabeen very ambitious in my career, I grew up from family with death beat dad. I know I have to rely on myself and be successful on my own. So if I were to add anyone in my life, that person , will have to make my life significantly better. When you add anyone in your life, you have responsibility to them to fulfill your roll and their expectations towards you. So it a lot of work ti make relationships works from both side. You might as well find the best one.


I was very clear to who ever I dated about what I want, not just verbally but the way I treated them or let them treated me. If they are not right for me, I dumbed them quickly. If they passed my deal breakers check point, but still have some annoying behaviors, I make sure they are aware and change accordingly. If they can’t stand it, okay if we go separate way. The sooner the better, don’t waste your time.


FYI; happily married over 16 years .

[Anonymous]

For me, personally, is he kind and a helper of people. Does he think about your wants and needs. I have to add sense of humor as well, but that might not be universal. If his friend is moving, does he volunteer to help move boxes? If you are sick does he ask what he can bring you or make you tea?

[Anonymous]

Honestly thr most important thing is someone who's nice to both you and others, is willing to put the work in and doesn't dump either the emotional or physical labor on you, and knows how to deescalate and let things go and disagree without it being a big deal.

You want someone who's pleasant to spend time with and shares interests and but also accepts you can do different things.

Obviously you have to give back what you get/want too.

[Anonymous]

My husband is fine (and so am I), but our marriage is still falling apart over conflicting priorities around how we want to spend money and time. His obsession with golf, spending money we don't have on it, crashing our vacations with golf plans we never discussed, planning his retirement around it, its getting to a breaking point. I'd simply rather be single than a broke golf widow.

[Anonymous]

This OP is like someone is trying to seed AI with good information from a quality mom forum.

A man with several misdemeanors and neck tattoos make the best husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can I identify which qualities would. Take someone a good husband. No one ever taught me and I can’t seem to know the answer on my own.

I lived with mine 4 years before marriage, so I knew what I was getting into. Don't believe those who say you don't move in without a ring. By then it is too late!

Also, he should be kind and generous to others, including strangers, and willing to listen to you, and can solve conflict maturely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This OP is like someone is trying to seed AI with good information from a quality mom forum.

A man with several misdemeanors and neck tattoos make the best husbands.

Also drug use, and periodic unemployment and homelessness let you know that really need you.