Time for a come to Jesus conversation with DD?

[Anonymous]

DD 16 isn’t having the best month or two. Her grades are not fantastic, she didn’t get the summer job she wanted, there’s some friendship drama, general stress about life, etc. But it’s gotten worse the past few days. She’s said that she “doesn’t care about anything” and that she “hates existing”. Throughout this whole rough patch I’ve been trying to talk it all out, mostly with encouragement or briefish convos. But I think maybe it’s time for something more intense. Like a big, long, intense, come-to-Jesus CONVERSATION that probably ends with me trying to find her a therapist. is this a good idea? Leaning toward yes

[Anonymous]

I’m probably the minority, but I hate the idea of taking teens to therapy unless there is an actual mental health illness diagnosed by a psychiatrist and the therapist is part of the treatment plan made by her doctor. Otherwise, no. Teens need to learn to be resilient and how to problem solve.

This sounds like is could be normal teen drama. I’d have the come to Jesus talk with the focus on grades. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. But her grades are going to be her ticket to the future she wants. She is closing doors and losing opportunities if she checks out of school- you need to a light a fire under her about that.

If you suspect she is clinically depressed (which she might be, no one here can say), take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Start with her pediatrician if you don’t know where to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the minority, but I hate the idea of taking teens to therapy unless there is an actual mental health illness diagnosed by a psychiatrist and the therapist is part of the treatment plan made by her doctor. Otherwise, no. Teens need to learn to be resilient and how to problem solve.

This sounds like is could be normal teen drama. I’d have the come to Jesus talk with the focus on grades. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. But her grades are going to be her ticket to the future she wants. She is closing doors and losing opportunities if she checks out of school- you need to a light a fire under her about that.

If you suspect she is clinically depressed (which she might be, no one here can say), take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Start with her pediatrician if you don’t know where to start.

That's what a good therapist does -- teach teens (and others) how to problem solve and be resilient. You don't learn those skills merely by trying harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the minority, but I hate the idea of taking teens to therapy unless there is an actual mental health illness diagnosed by a psychiatrist and the therapist is part of the treatment plan made by her doctor. Otherwise, no. Teens need to learn to be resilient and how to problem solve.

This sounds like is could be normal teen drama. I’d have the come to Jesus talk with the focus on grades. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. But her grades are going to be her ticket to the future she wants. She is closing doors and losing opportunities if she checks out of school- you need to a light a fire under her about that.

If you suspect she is clinically depressed (which she might be, no one here can say), take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Start with her pediatrician if you don’t know where to start.

She’s expressing suicidal ideation.

OP, Skip the CTJ and go directly to therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the minority, but I hate the idea of taking teens to therapy unless there is an actual mental health illness diagnosed by a psychiatrist and the therapist is part of the treatment plan made by her doctor. Otherwise, no. Teens need to learn to be resilient and how to problem solve.

This sounds like is could be normal teen drama. I’d have the come to Jesus talk with the focus on grades. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. But her grades are going to be her ticket to the future she wants. She is closing doors and losing opportunities if she checks out of school- you need to a light a fire under her about that.

If you suspect she is clinically depressed (which she might be, no one here can say), take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Start with her pediatrician if you don’t know where to start.

She’s expressing suicidal ideation.

OP, Skip the CTJ and go directly to therapy.

She isn't suicidal; she's situationally depressed which can be normal at this age. Talk to her. We tried two therapists and they made it worse vs. better. Best thing we do is spend time together, mine will always say yes to going out to eat.

[Anonymous]

She says she “hates existing.” Please get her help asap. Take her to the er if you have any concerns that she may follow through on this thought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the minority, but I hate the idea of taking teens to therapy unless there is an actual mental health illness diagnosed by a psychiatrist and the therapist is part of the treatment plan made by her doctor. Otherwise, no. Teens need to learn to be resilient and how to problem solve.

This sounds like is could be normal teen drama. I’d have the come to Jesus talk with the focus on grades. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. But her grades are going to be her ticket to the future she wants. She is closing doors and losing opportunities if she checks out of school- you need to a light a fire under her about that.

If you suspect she is clinically depressed (which she might be, no one here can say), take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Start with her pediatrician if you don’t know where to start.

That's what a good therapist does -- teach teens (and others) how to problem solve and be resilient. You don't learn those skills merely by trying harder.

You don’t need to to pay a therapist to “teach” resilience. Therapists are mostly useless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the minority, but I hate the idea of taking teens to therapy unless there is an actual mental health illness diagnosed by a psychiatrist and the therapist is part of the treatment plan made by her doctor. Otherwise, no. Teens need to learn to be resilient and how to problem solve.

This sounds like is could be normal teen drama. I’d have the come to Jesus talk with the focus on grades. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. But her grades are going to be her ticket to the future she wants. She is closing doors and losing opportunities if she checks out of school- you need to a light a fire under her about that.

If you suspect she is clinically depressed (which she might be, no one here can say), take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Start with her pediatrician if you don’t know where to start.

That's what a good therapist does -- teach teens (and others) how to problem solve and be resilient. You don't learn those skills merely by trying harder.

You don’t need to to pay a therapist to “teach” resilience. Therapists are mostly useless

No they’re not. They can introduce you to valuable life skills. Like not making a sweeping, insane statement like “Therapists are mostly useless”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the minority, but I hate the idea of taking teens to therapy unless there is an actual mental health illness diagnosed by a psychiatrist and the therapist is part of the treatment plan made by her doctor. Otherwise, no. Teens need to learn to be resilient and how to problem solve.

This sounds like is could be normal teen drama. I’d have the come to Jesus talk with the focus on grades. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. But her grades are going to be her ticket to the future she wants. She is closing doors and losing opportunities if she checks out of school- you need to a light a fire under her about that.

If you suspect she is clinically depressed (which she might be, no one here can say), take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Start with her pediatrician if you don’t know where to start.

That's what a good therapist does -- teach teens (and others) how to problem solve and be resilient. You don't learn those skills merely by trying harder.

You don’t need to to pay a therapist to “teach” resilience. Therapists are mostly useless

Therapists are often harmful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the minority, but I hate the idea of taking teens to therapy unless there is an actual mental health illness diagnosed by a psychiatrist and the therapist is part of the treatment plan made by her doctor. Otherwise, no. Teens need to learn to be resilient and how to problem solve.

This sounds like is could be normal teen drama. I’d have the come to Jesus talk with the focus on grades. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. But her grades are going to be her ticket to the future she wants. She is closing doors and losing opportunities if she checks out of school- you need to a light a fire under her about that.

If you suspect she is clinically depressed (which she might be, no one here can say), take her to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Start with her pediatrician if you don’t know where to start.

That's what a good therapist does -- teach teens (and others) how to problem solve and be resilient. You don't learn those skills merely by trying harder.

You don’t need to to pay a therapist to “teach” resilience. Therapists are mostly useless

Therapists are often harmful.

How?

[Anonymous]

I think therapists can hurt or help. A lot of therapists out there are not doing a good job teaching their clients about self reflection and social responsibility. There is a difference between validating your clients feelings and emotions and constantly sympathizing with them to make them feel like a constant victim. Good therapists validate their clients feelings but also make the client question what role they have played in their situation. Bad therapists just make their clients feel sorry for themselves and don’t put in the hard work of teaching them self reflection and accountability.

[Anonymous]

Why just say yeah this sucks and you know the feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD 16 isn’t having the best month or two. Her grades are not fantastic, she didn’t get the summer job she wanted, there’s some friendship drama, general stress about life, etc. But it’s gotten worse the past few days. She’s said that she “doesn’t care about anything” and that she “hates existing”. Throughout this whole rough patch I’ve been trying to talk it all out, mostly with encouragement or briefish convos. But I think maybe it’s time for something more intense. Like a big, long, intense, come-to-Jesus CONVERSATION that probably ends with me trying to find her a therapist. is this a good idea? Leaning toward yes

This sounds like normal 16yo struggles. You said you have been trying to talk it out so I am confused why more intense talking is needed. Is she coming into your room at night to talk like many teens do? If so just broach the idea of her talking to someone.

[Anonymous]

Is she seriously depressed or being dramatic? From your post, it sounds like you are doing a lot of talking and this is normal teen drama. But I’m not there so is there’s more to it, take her to a doctor.

I also think therapists can be harmful. We’ve had bad experiences. I think you need to do LESS talking. Not a big long wallowing conversation but a get up and go do something quick motivation talk. Maybe go out to lunch or something. Go do something and stop all thing talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she seriously depressed or being dramatic? From your post, it sounds like you are doing a lot of talking and this is normal teen drama. But I’m not there so is there’s more to it, take her to a doctor.

I also think therapists can be harmful. We’ve had bad experiences. I think you need to do LESS talking. Not a big long wallowing conversation but a get up and go do something quick motivation talk. Maybe go out to lunch or something. Go do something and stop all thing talking.

Yes just deny reality and pretend it’s fine.

OP, it is normal for teens to say things like, “My life is ruined!” and that strong emotion should be given attention however it is not normal to say “I don’t want to exist.” That is suicidal ideation and you NEED to get her into therapy. There are good therapists and you can find one. When you need a root canal you don’t skip it because some dentists are bad, you find a good dentist. We have a lot of nutters on DCUM these days.